Something that I always looked forward to around the holidays was coming home from Pennsylvania and seeing my Niece dressed in her beautiful Christmas outfits. Holding her and just getting a chance to soak up some quality time with her since I lived so far away. I think the holidays are also a reminder that I wasn’t there in person as much as I would have liked to be. To be able to have held her more. Then, what ifs start swirling and I find myself overwhelmed with guilt. I could have done more. I could have been more.
Im being vulnerable about this because I think that is true for a lot of us during the holidays. Not just those of us dealing with grief but those who are hurting in other ways. Those that are triggered by the times that represent family and togetherness but end up being reminded of a wound. Something that I am reminded of daily doing the Christmas show I am doing, is that we have been given a gift. A gift of life. A gift of Christ. A gift of forgiveness and wholeness through him. A gift that although we will never be “enough” He within us is enough.
The time we had with my niece was a gift to me and my family. The impact she had on our lives is beyond what I could write in this little blog. My moving to Pennsylvania does not diminish the incredible love I had for her. The pain of not being nearer is there, in the midst of knowing that the growth I have had in this chapter of my life has been nothing short of life changing. A future I thought I would never see is on the horizon. The legacy of Reese and her impact is evident in my life. That reminder of the gift of life, and how we should never take it for granted. That reminder that I can’t continue a hurtful cycle of sin when faced with a death of someone who was innocent. I have a gift of life and I refuse to waste it. Reese reflected Christ to me. She reminded me to look to the cross instead of my past. To look with expectancy toward a future he has for me because it is a gift.
So, As Thanksgiving approaches and Christmas jumps up right after I will celebrate with my Niece still. I will feel what I need to feel. I will Remember that Jesus came into the World to save us. He came to give us a life not limited to this world, but a life everlasting. I will celebrate knowing that she is going to be celebrating Jesus Birthday….with JESUS! Talk about a celebration. I imagine the sugar cookies are heavenly.
I love you Reese Harper. You are so missed and so loved. Merry Christmas.
