So, Obedience is a pain in the back side. I have spent the past 2 years running away from the Lord and seeking what I want, and my desires for instant gratification. After a ton of heartache and pain, I finally made the choice to listen to the prompting of a heavenly father who so desperately missed his beloved son. Turning, truly turning away from something, causes some pain. Rubber is left of the pavement, blood is spilled on the floor. Turning exposes the wounds that have been covered so well by the choices that give instant gratification. You are left feeling raw.
Right now, for me, I am learning to live in that obedience again. Following what the Lord has for me and seeking his will for my life. Receiving amazing healing in my heart from God’s word and from amazing friends who have surrounded me and spoken truth, life giving truth, into my life. In making these changes, I am seeing a large amount of pruning that is needing to be done in my life. Just like weeding a garden I have to get down in the dirt of my poor choices and remove the things that don’t bring truth into my life. The things that aren’t life giving. These changes are wonderful, and gaining that intimacy with the Lord is worth the work, but it is also exhausting. Right now, I have choices every day to be obedient to not. To follow or not. To learn, or to remain stagnant. Being entrenched in my sin for so long, there is a lot more to sort though now. A lot more heart issues that need to be healed and dealt with. For those I have hurt in the carnage of my poor choices, I am sincerely sorry.
I guess the point of writing all this is to say, keep me in your thoughts and prayers right now. Just wanting to make a good new start and really get back on track with where I need to be in my life. Also, for those who might be in the same spot, I guess this is to say, you are not alone. It get’s better. Truly it does. That doesn’t mean it is easy, but the peace and the real joy that comes from obedience far surpasses anything else this world can offer. I promise you that.
