This morning I woke up super early. I wanted to sleep more but my body was just saying it was time to rise and shine and give God the glory glory! haha Anywho, I figured since I had a little more time this morning I would take advantage and write a little blog. I have been doing my Vlog for a little bit now and it has taken over but I miss writing too so I want to keep up with this. I guess I have a lot to say. lol
I was talking to my friend Jenny yesterday about how I have been feeling super home sick lately. I have never been one to feel that way but for some reason that button got pressed and I have been navigating though that. The Branson leadership team from the theater I worked at there was visiting a week ago and there was something about the safety and comfortability I felt with them that just made me rest for a second. When they left I cried. Which is no real surprise for people who know me, but I feel like this wasn't the typical Curtis being emotional. It was something more.
Jenny mentioned in our conversation the fact that I have moved a lot and that this is probably the longest I have ever lived in one place. I started thinking about that and she is right. During college I moved dorm rooms and changed roommates almost every semester! Then I left Branson and moved to Tennessee. There I lived in 4 places in the two years I was there. Then I went on the ship for a little bit, got back to Branson after and probably moved 6 times in the 5 years I was back. So then I moved up to Pennsylvania last year and I have lived in the same place and the same apartment for 2 years straight by the end of this contract. That seems crazy to me! For a guy who thrives off of stability and routine I feel super antsy being still.
I think that is something that the Lord is challenging me in. I think I have baggage that needs to be unpacked. I think I have insecurities that need to be dealt with. I think I have relationships that need to be mended and restored. I think I have relationships that need to be ended. I think there are a list of areas that the Lord has been trying to deal with me in and I have hid behind constantly moving and going even when staying in the same town in order to stay occupied. I have in essence been running away. I never looked at it like that before until my conversation yesterday and I just felt like the Lord smacked me across the face with it.
No matter where I am or what I am doing there are going to be challenges. That is true for all of us. I think the real challenge and the real strength comes from being still in that space and choosing to grow there. Being still in that space and choosing joy and hope over frustration and depression. I have a beautiful life here in Pennsylvania. I have a community of people here that I love, and I believe that the more I open myself up to seeing what the Lord is doing here in this space the more I will flourish and grow. Rather than closing off and protecting all the time, I need to open myself up to being used. I need to open myself up to serving and loving more here.
The thing that was also interesting to me is that I was just as closed off and protected in Branson. It just looked different because it was home. So here in this new place and in this new community I have an opportunity to change the cycle. I have an opportunity to grow and be challenged, and to take the challenges and run with them. Run to a Father who loves me and is ready for me to be a part of what he is doing.
So here I am, Curtis Wilson. My biggest desire is to see people happy, and for them to know that they are loved and have value. For the larger part of my life I have struggled with that belief for myself and still deal with it, which is why I think I want to make sure others don't. That being said, I live above an amazing little cafe called Splits and Giggles. If you ever want to grab a coffee or an ice cream and talk about life, let me know because I am here! It there is any way I can encourage or be there for you let me know because I am here! Being still and present in the space and the season you are in can be a challenge but lets embrace it and lift each other up in the process. Love you guys!
