Blind Steps

   This morning I was going about my normal routine.  I started the coffee.  I took my vitamins.  I showered and tried to look somewhat presentable.  I made some breakfast and then grabbed the leash to walk Charlie.  He did his normal jumping around with excitement as he heard the metallic jingle of his collar.  I tried to muster up half the excitement he had, but I really just wanted to go back to bed.  

     So, we started on our walk.  I left my phone inside because during our walks I like to disconnect from the world and have some connect time with the Lord.  I was praying as we were walking.  Telling the Lord about fears and hopes and dreams and desires.  I was declaring truth over my life and the lives of people I care about.  I was praying for wisdom and strength in situations that I just don’t know how to process gracefully.  Im a messy man saved by grace here……so I need a lot of help.  

    Part of the way through the walk I noticed a young man with a walking cane and a lady next to him with a clipboard.  This man was blind and learning how to walk with his cane for the first time,  or at least was being coached on how to use it by his companion.  I watched as she talked him through each step.  They were communicating as he navigated some rough terrain, he stumbled a little but maintained his course and didn’t fall.  It had been raining so there were massive puddles.  He talked to his companion and she helped him learn how to navigate around them.  He stepped in one for a moment, but with a smile and a laugh he moved on.  

    I continued on my walk just processing through what I had just seen.  I can’t imagine how hard that must be.  To not be able to see.  To feel like you are all alone.  To wonder if you are making the right step.  As I processed, I looped back around to a somewhat busy intersection in front of my house.  I notice the young man and his companion were there standing on the curb.  I observed again, trying not to be the weird guy with his dog watching them.  The young man was afraid to cross the street.  He knew that there were cars going by.  He knew it was  longer than the roads he had crossed before so he froze.  

    His teacher then kicked into gear and calmed him.  She brought his attention to the tools he had.  “You can still hear so listen….what do you hear?  Is there danger near?  Use your cane.  Is the path ahead of you clear?”  I listened and it felt like the Father was saying the same thing to me.  Curtis, you can still hear….what do you hear?  Is there danger near? Is the path clear ahead of you? 

    I am blind to the good that the Lord has for me.  I am blinded by fear.  I am blinded by pride.  I am blinded by an unwillingness to trust.  The fact of the matter is that I will remain on the curb waiting to cross to the other side of the street unless I allow the Lord to navigate me across, in the midst of my blindness.  

    Just like this young man I have my companion, Jesus, right by my side as I take this first step…and then the one after that….and the one after that.   I have truth through the word that can help make my path ahead clear.  I have the holy spirit and the still small voice he speaks in.  The tools are there, its just a matter of taking the step.  

    I was sharing all of this with my Dad and he mentioned the part in Indiana Jones where he has this chasm before him on his quest for the holy grail.  There is no visible bridge to cross, and he has to take that first step of faith…..but his feet land on solid ground.  He then crosses over without fear to claim the prize he has be journeying for.

    I think just like the brave blind young man I have a journey to navigate.  We all do.  There will be rough terrain and we might trip, we could even fall, but we keep on moving.  There might be a puddle threatening to dampen the joy we have, but with the help of the father we can navigate around it, and if we do happen to get a little wet by stepping in it, we can smile and keep moving.  Knowing that we are learning, and growing, and that Grace is freedom.  That beautiful precious gift of Grace is the exact thing that is going to guide us through the hard part of crossing the street. 

   So, What do you hear? Is there danger near?  Is the path clear ahead?  Ok my friends, lets take that first step and cross this street. 

Anti- Social

Yesterday I decided to remove myself from social media.  To disconnect from the countless hours I have spent scrolling through my news feed.  Disconnecting from the jealousy of seeing other peoples lives that I want.  Disconnecting from the temptations that lurk around the corner waiting for you to stumble up on them.  Disconnecting from this amazing drug that hides underneath the guise of staying in contact with the ones you love.  I disconnected and now I am feeling the withdrawals.

    I am not saying that social media is bad because I think it can be used for so much good.  I am just saying for this period of undetermined time I need to remove it from my life in order to focus better.  To heal more fully.  To choose a new freedom in my life that only can be achieved by purging out the things that distract or discourage.  

    I think on this journey that I am on I get into this thought process that I can do it on my own.  I start to take things under my control.  I manage everything.  My emotions.  My relationships. My God.  Its a dangerous illusion to think that I can do that, but nevertheless it is there and appears so real.  I am now at a place in this cycle where I realize that I am not in control and in fact I feel out of control.  The feeling of disconnect.  Feeling a lack of trust. Feeling betrayed and hurt.  Feeling overwhelmed with emotions I don’t feel comfortable dealing with.  Feeling heartbroken from loss that I don’t understand.  The control I held onto so tightly has been ripped out of my hands.  

     The bittersweet beauty of this moment is that my hands are open and wounded from what has been torn away.  I am kneeling there  broken with open palms.  Then this amazing gentle savior comes and takes my wounded hands in his wounded hands.  As he mends the wounds and takes control I compare our scars and see the Love in his.  The deep sacrifice in his.  The intimate knowledge of what I am going through and how I am feeling.  The grace as he places the soothing balm on my worn skin.  Why do I fight so hard for control when I know the cycle leads to this hurt?

     Today is a day disconnected.  Today is day one of this new chapter, day one of this journey to trust again.  To love again.  To heal more fully.  To let go of constant control.  To lean into the father and embrace truth instead of scrolling through a news feed trying to find pseudo truth, pseudo comfort, pseudo control.  I WILL fail.  Life is a messy beautiful painting from a master craftsman who, if you let him, will create something more than you can imagine with the hurts and trials.  So, will you guys join me today in letting go.  Will you join me in attempting to trust more.  Lets start with today, and move on from there.  I have a feeling it will be worth it.