Tonight I went for a walk with Charlie and it was bitter cold. I had bundled up as much as possible yet the cold still was attacking any opening it could find. I was trying to move as quickly as possible and prompting Charlie to do his business as I drug him behind me. I decided to slow down the pace because there is no rushing my little pup and I realized what I was missing.
There is something about a cold night that slows everything down. Its as though everything around is huddled together trying to stay warm, and in the process it provides a peaceful night for thinking. The stillness of it all eliminates distractions except those in your own head. The smell of wood burning in fire places sweeps by with the wind relaxing you, reminding you that you are home….that you are safe.
Tonight in this peace I finally broke down from a few weeks of tough stuff. From relationship issues to family health issues to personal struggles. I feel like everything in the book was just thrown in my face and I am now picking up the broken pieces of heart left in its wake. Walking along in the still of this night reminded me to stop trying to control my life and everything in it and just let go and trust that God has a perfect plan. I have to be still, I have to seek his face, and I have to let go.
In a few days we will be celebrating the birth of Jesus. The birth of our savior who died for all of us. He died for me. He died so that I might have a new life, a life that is filled with his love. A life that is filled with his Joy. A life that he has a perfect plan for. I can celebrate because this baby grew up and experienced every temptation and struggle and trial and grief that I could ever imagine experiencing and he did not sin. He lived a life totally connected to his father in heaven.
Knowing that I am not alone, knowing that my heavenly father knows what I am going through and knows my fears and worries releases me to be broken. Releases me to be transparent and allow the grace that was given to me by Jesus comfort and guide me though the trouble times when they come. It allows me to let go of what others might think of situations or circumstances and focus on the significance of the one who truly matters, Jesus. He is the reason for the season, he is the reason for my life, he is the reason I can sing and have joy in my heart in the midst of sadness and sorrow.
Finishing my winter walk and thinking through the beauty of this precious gift. Applying that gift to my life as of late, the song Away in a Manger kept going through my head for some reason ( I know its odd). The last verse in particular: .
Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay
Close by me for ever and love me, I pray
Bless all the dear children in Thy tender care
And take us to Heaven to live with Thee there
Thank you Jesus for coming to this earth and for loving me and taking an interest in every detail of my life. Thank you for staying near me no matter what heart aches come and try to steal me away. Merry Christmas my dear friends. Thanks for the encouragement. Thanks for all the reminders of Jesus and redirecting me back to him.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Lighting the Fire
I had the pleasure of taking a beautiful vacation filled with beautiful friends and family for a week and a half. I have so missed the joy of traveling and exploring new places and new things. The thrill of not knowing where you are going next and allowing yourself the freedom to change plans at a moments notice.
I started out my journey after finishing 2 shows and set out on a 17 hour drive with my dear friend and sister Jenny. We took turns driving through the night. We laughed alot and talked about life and where the Lord is taking us on our journeys with him. We encouraged one another in that quest for a deeper relationship with Christ. After hours and hours of driving and little bits of sleep as we could catch them, we finally made it to Lancaster, PA.
There I had the joy of staying with 2 dear friends who I worked and lived with in Tennessee,Wally and Andrea Calderon. I got to hold their sweet precious baby girl and catch up about life and how far we had come since out time at the Miracle theater. Those conversations continued as I met with even more friends from the Miracle Rachel and Daniel Stargel and Mary and Chris Bergamo. What an awesome privilege to celebrate with each other and what the Lord has done in our lives. The celebration continue as Chris and Mary drove me back to Wally and Andreas house. I think the thing that most impacted me is that fact that these friends are truly friends that will last a lifetime. I love each of them so much and know that, just like we did this visit, no matter how much time has passed we will always be there to celebrate and encourage one another.
The next day we made it into New York City and I got caught up, as I always do, in the hustle and bustle of that City. The sea of people surrounding me all on a mission to accomplish some task or errand. The smell of food carts and the sounds of street musicians filled the air to enrich this melting pot of culture and talent. The drive of this city is almost palpable. It makes my heart race!
We did a bit of shopping and although there were moments during that day, and the whole time I was there, that reminded me of my past, I had the privilege to see it through new eyes. New eyes of freedom from hurts that had once been experienced there. Praise God for delivering me and giving me sweet reminders of my freedom.
One of the sweetest reminders was getting to see the beautiful Anna Kelly, who has stolen my heart. What an awesome example of God being in the details of my life. I had been planning this NYC trip for months and just happened to start a relationship with Anna, who just happens to live in NYC, and this visit just happens to be in the middle of our time doing long distance before she comes back to Branson and work at Sight and Sound. Coincidence, I think not. I am finding that every time I see Anna for the first time...I have to catch my breath. Sappy, I know, but very true. I am always blown away by how beautiful she is and how that beauty is all the way to her core. It is such a precious gift to be in a relationship with her and I cannot wait for her to get back here to Branson!
Enough sap for now. I had so much fun exploring the city with Anna. We got to see Newsies on Broadway and to sit and share that moment with her is one I will always look back to. The show itself just brought my performing spirit back to life. It lit a spark in my heart that I felt had died or was at least very dim. To see those amazing talented performers doing what they love and giving it everything they have was inspiring. It challenged me to do the same in what I do. I started to feel the tug of the city calling me to come and audition and make it on the great white way! To pursue my passion for performing! The desire I have had for so so long to move there and make it.
I continued on my vacation journey to Vermont for a few days to enjoy my dear family up there. I never leave Vermont without feeling relaxed and rejuvenated. My aunt and uncle are probably some of the most hospitable and giving people I have every known, and I got the pleasure to spend 4 days with them. From awesome food and delicious wines, to great museums and farmers markets, I got to enjoy every ounce of my visit. To spend time out by the lake reading and enjoying the beautiful creation I was surrounded by. To climbing a mountain and siting and enjoy the view at the top. I was blessed indeed by the time to reflect and relax.
After all that travel and some amazing conversations and challenges I came back renewed in my desire to seek the Lord in my life. To make his desires my desires and to make bringing glory to his name my first priority. Weather that is in my interaction with friends and family, or with how I use my talents and abilities. I want to use the spark that was giving back to me by the talented performer on Broadway and bring that back here to Branson. Although I would love to move to NYC I know that for now that is not where God wants me. So, my Broadway is Branson, and my performance might not bring me Tony award, but I can challenge myself to be the best I can be in the role I am in. I can make an effort to allow the holy spirit to move in my performance and impact the way I do what I love. It is a gift that is not my own, and I have the pleasure of sharing it wherever he takes me.
So, now I sit at home with my sweet Charlie Dog, and I await what lies ahead for me. One step at a time, moment by moment. Thankful for the blessing he has so richly given me. Prayerfully holding the gifts he has given me with an open hand. Gifts or talents and relationship and family and asking the Lord to be in the center of all of it. To protect and make each bring Glory to him. Humbled that he loves me so well.
I started out my journey after finishing 2 shows and set out on a 17 hour drive with my dear friend and sister Jenny. We took turns driving through the night. We laughed alot and talked about life and where the Lord is taking us on our journeys with him. We encouraged one another in that quest for a deeper relationship with Christ. After hours and hours of driving and little bits of sleep as we could catch them, we finally made it to Lancaster, PA.
There I had the joy of staying with 2 dear friends who I worked and lived with in Tennessee,Wally and Andrea Calderon. I got to hold their sweet precious baby girl and catch up about life and how far we had come since out time at the Miracle theater. Those conversations continued as I met with even more friends from the Miracle Rachel and Daniel Stargel and Mary and Chris Bergamo. What an awesome privilege to celebrate with each other and what the Lord has done in our lives. The celebration continue as Chris and Mary drove me back to Wally and Andreas house. I think the thing that most impacted me is that fact that these friends are truly friends that will last a lifetime. I love each of them so much and know that, just like we did this visit, no matter how much time has passed we will always be there to celebrate and encourage one another.
The next day we made it into New York City and I got caught up, as I always do, in the hustle and bustle of that City. The sea of people surrounding me all on a mission to accomplish some task or errand. The smell of food carts and the sounds of street musicians filled the air to enrich this melting pot of culture and talent. The drive of this city is almost palpable. It makes my heart race!
We did a bit of shopping and although there were moments during that day, and the whole time I was there, that reminded me of my past, I had the privilege to see it through new eyes. New eyes of freedom from hurts that had once been experienced there. Praise God for delivering me and giving me sweet reminders of my freedom.
One of the sweetest reminders was getting to see the beautiful Anna Kelly, who has stolen my heart. What an awesome example of God being in the details of my life. I had been planning this NYC trip for months and just happened to start a relationship with Anna, who just happens to live in NYC, and this visit just happens to be in the middle of our time doing long distance before she comes back to Branson and work at Sight and Sound. Coincidence, I think not. I am finding that every time I see Anna for the first time...I have to catch my breath. Sappy, I know, but very true. I am always blown away by how beautiful she is and how that beauty is all the way to her core. It is such a precious gift to be in a relationship with her and I cannot wait for her to get back here to Branson!
Enough sap for now. I had so much fun exploring the city with Anna. We got to see Newsies on Broadway and to sit and share that moment with her is one I will always look back to. The show itself just brought my performing spirit back to life. It lit a spark in my heart that I felt had died or was at least very dim. To see those amazing talented performers doing what they love and giving it everything they have was inspiring. It challenged me to do the same in what I do. I started to feel the tug of the city calling me to come and audition and make it on the great white way! To pursue my passion for performing! The desire I have had for so so long to move there and make it.
I continued on my vacation journey to Vermont for a few days to enjoy my dear family up there. I never leave Vermont without feeling relaxed and rejuvenated. My aunt and uncle are probably some of the most hospitable and giving people I have every known, and I got the pleasure to spend 4 days with them. From awesome food and delicious wines, to great museums and farmers markets, I got to enjoy every ounce of my visit. To spend time out by the lake reading and enjoying the beautiful creation I was surrounded by. To climbing a mountain and siting and enjoy the view at the top. I was blessed indeed by the time to reflect and relax.
After all that travel and some amazing conversations and challenges I came back renewed in my desire to seek the Lord in my life. To make his desires my desires and to make bringing glory to his name my first priority. Weather that is in my interaction with friends and family, or with how I use my talents and abilities. I want to use the spark that was giving back to me by the talented performer on Broadway and bring that back here to Branson. Although I would love to move to NYC I know that for now that is not where God wants me. So, my Broadway is Branson, and my performance might not bring me Tony award, but I can challenge myself to be the best I can be in the role I am in. I can make an effort to allow the holy spirit to move in my performance and impact the way I do what I love. It is a gift that is not my own, and I have the pleasure of sharing it wherever he takes me.
So, now I sit at home with my sweet Charlie Dog, and I await what lies ahead for me. One step at a time, moment by moment. Thankful for the blessing he has so richly given me. Prayerfully holding the gifts he has given me with an open hand. Gifts or talents and relationship and family and asking the Lord to be in the center of all of it. To protect and make each bring Glory to him. Humbled that he loves me so well.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Precious Gifts
Today is my day off and I am a touch on the bored side so I thought I would write a bit since I haven't in quite a while. I am not anticipating any of this being deep or meaningful but here goes. I having been feeling overwhelmed with blessing lately. I am surrounded by people who love me. I am spoiled with quality time and rest. I am happy, filled with joy.
Not to say that the rest of my life hasn't had these things but I think right now, for one reason or another, I am made more aware of it. The past 2 weeks I have been in rehearsals for our upcoming Christmas Show here at Sight and Sound. It was a blast to learn and I am anticipating it being even more fun to do once we get the show up and running. In the midst of that rehearsal I met this beautiful girl who took my breath away when I first saw her. Then I talked to her and realized she was just as beautiful inside. Next thing you know I am spending every day after rehearsal with her and enjoying amazing conversation about life, and experiences, and the Lord. I am blown away. In 2 weeks I got as close to this amazing woman as most of my closest friends.
Being the insecure introvert that I tend to be, I start to question things. Am I good enough?. Am I attractive enough?. Am I man enough? What about my past? What about future contracts or moving to different places? And the list could go on and on. It is amazing to me in the midst of blessing sometimes we refuse to accept it as being that. We distort it through our lens of doubt or fear and make it something that it was never intended to be. We take all the joy out of something that was meant to be beautiful.
While having a conversation with this girl I drift for a moment and start getting sad because of all the what ifs in my mind. Then out of no where this man comes up to us to get a paper that was in a basket by our feet. We start a little conversation and then the next thing you know he asks us if we have a penny. I didn't have one but she did. So he takes the penny and then says "This isn't really worth much to you is it?" To which we both agree. "Well this is really what our lives are. They are small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but this is worth alot don't you think?" and he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. We both agree. "This is what Christ paid for us. Because to him we are worth far more than we believe or deserve." We both sit there humbled as the man gives us this hundred dollar bill and says we can use it however we like. To spend on ourselves or to bless someone else.
That moment was precious in so many way. One, that I got to experience this with a girl I am about to take an adventure with. Two, because it reminded me that no matter what is going on in my life or in my head, I have value and worth. Even though some days I don't feel like much, in God's eyes I am worth so much. So, when I receive a blessing, in this case a new relationship, I need to remember it is just a way for God to show his love to me. Although I don't deserve it, he is freely and abundantly giving it to me.
I don't know all the answers. How long this will last, for a season or for longer? Or how everything is going to turn out in this new adventure with this beautiful girl, but I do know that God loves me and as long as I am seeking him and trusting his will he will be faithful to show me.
This is not at all what I thought I would write about, but in some ways, it is my way of trying to pay it forward like the kind man at the restaurant did for me. I can't give a hundred dollars to everyone, but I can write a hundred words. :-) I am blessed and thankful for the precious gift of Jesus and doubly blessed that I get to live my life learning more about him and sharing it with others.
Not to say that the rest of my life hasn't had these things but I think right now, for one reason or another, I am made more aware of it. The past 2 weeks I have been in rehearsals for our upcoming Christmas Show here at Sight and Sound. It was a blast to learn and I am anticipating it being even more fun to do once we get the show up and running. In the midst of that rehearsal I met this beautiful girl who took my breath away when I first saw her. Then I talked to her and realized she was just as beautiful inside. Next thing you know I am spending every day after rehearsal with her and enjoying amazing conversation about life, and experiences, and the Lord. I am blown away. In 2 weeks I got as close to this amazing woman as most of my closest friends.
Being the insecure introvert that I tend to be, I start to question things. Am I good enough?. Am I attractive enough?. Am I man enough? What about my past? What about future contracts or moving to different places? And the list could go on and on. It is amazing to me in the midst of blessing sometimes we refuse to accept it as being that. We distort it through our lens of doubt or fear and make it something that it was never intended to be. We take all the joy out of something that was meant to be beautiful.
While having a conversation with this girl I drift for a moment and start getting sad because of all the what ifs in my mind. Then out of no where this man comes up to us to get a paper that was in a basket by our feet. We start a little conversation and then the next thing you know he asks us if we have a penny. I didn't have one but she did. So he takes the penny and then says "This isn't really worth much to you is it?" To which we both agree. "Well this is really what our lives are. They are small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but this is worth alot don't you think?" and he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. We both agree. "This is what Christ paid for us. Because to him we are worth far more than we believe or deserve." We both sit there humbled as the man gives us this hundred dollar bill and says we can use it however we like. To spend on ourselves or to bless someone else.
That moment was precious in so many way. One, that I got to experience this with a girl I am about to take an adventure with. Two, because it reminded me that no matter what is going on in my life or in my head, I have value and worth. Even though some days I don't feel like much, in God's eyes I am worth so much. So, when I receive a blessing, in this case a new relationship, I need to remember it is just a way for God to show his love to me. Although I don't deserve it, he is freely and abundantly giving it to me.
I don't know all the answers. How long this will last, for a season or for longer? Or how everything is going to turn out in this new adventure with this beautiful girl, but I do know that God loves me and as long as I am seeking him and trusting his will he will be faithful to show me.
This is not at all what I thought I would write about, but in some ways, it is my way of trying to pay it forward like the kind man at the restaurant did for me. I can't give a hundred dollars to everyone, but I can write a hundred words. :-) I am blessed and thankful for the precious gift of Jesus and doubly blessed that I get to live my life learning more about him and sharing it with others.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Delicate Heart Work
Living out here in this new house I am surrounded by nature. There is the beautiful lake down below. Various different bird. Loads of different flowers and plants that I am just learning about. It has been a time to be encouraged by Gods creation.
A couple weeks ago I was woken up by a bird sound that I hadn’t really heard before. Charlie jumped off the bed and started running around my room and whining. So I opened the curtains the blocked my bed from the rest of the room. Right there on my balcony was a beautiful bald eagle. I stood there for a moment in awe of what I was seeing and didn’t know if I should start reciting the pledge of allegiance or grab for my camera phone. I chose the later. I turned around a quickly but calmly as possible to grab the phone and turned around just to see it fly off the deck. So, I laid the phone down and opted to sing the all time favorite ‘Proud to be ‘merican’ instead. In all seriousness though, it was one of the coolest experiences.
I thought that would trump everything, but then something happened this morning that I feel was a little gift from the Father. I woke up this morning and was laying in bed. Thinking about my day and all that it has in store. I am starting a bible study with a young friend of mine and our first meeting is today. I am so excited to spend time with this guy and share with him all that the Lord has done for me and can do for him. In the midst of thinking on this I looked at a face book page of a former mentor of mine that has since lost his way. My heart was crushed when I looked through the posts.
Each post was another declaration of freedom from the very thing that I hold to as my salvation. Each word a justification for him leaving what he had even expressed to me to be truth. My heart ached as I read an article he posted about a respected leader who decided to have the same belief as he has on what is truth and what is a lie. What is freedom and what is bondage. Then the Lord spoke to me through a very unusual servant. I know I am an emotional guy and I look at the world through different lenses most of the time, but I feel like this gift was so beautiful. So much so that it brought me to tears.
I heard a rustling sound from the other side of the room, and of course Charlie went to investigate. I open my curtains to see him chasing around a little sparrow that has gotten into my room through the screen door and can’t find its way out. I quickly grab Charlie and put him in another room so I can focus on getting this bird out. At first I grab a pillow and try and trap it in one of the window boxes I have. Then I realize that the pillow is too big. Then I grab a shirt and realize that I can’t maneuver it right in order to get the bird. So I decide to try and use my hands. I calmly put my hands around the bird and it just sits there. It sits there trusting that I am going to take care of it. I move over to the screen door and walk it out to the edge of the balcony and let if fly out of my hands. I didn’t think much of it then other than the fact that I now have to fix a screen, but a bit later while talking to my mom I was telling her about it and it was as if the Lord smacked me with what he was trying to tell me through the little sparrow.
Mentors have a responsibility. They have a mission that is very important and very delicate. They hold a life in their hands. Now, it isn’t like a doctor holds a life, but it is the emotional life of a person. The influence can be used for good or for the determent. My mentor I spoke of earlier was used so mightily in so many peoples lives, my own included, and then decided to pull the rug out from under the truth that he has spoken so boldly. The respected leader of such an impact full and important mission that denied the truth in which they spoke did the same. It breaks me heart in both situations because they are wonderful men who have gifts and abilities that could lead so many to freedom and truth. As a result of their choices many delicate hearts have been wounded even more. Responsibility.
This tiny bird this morning, I feel, was Gods way of showing me how to be a mentor. ( I know this may sound weird, but hear me out) A mentor can’t just corner someone into a belief ( the pillow) and they can’t just fan truth in their direction and hope that it sticks (the shirt) they have to be real. The have to show themselves and the blessings and gifts the Lord as given them. They have to be able to speak truth from their own lives and be transparent. (the hands) When you strip away all the masks and facades you see the raw true person and that is a testament of freedom. That is the true testament of God’s grace and power.
In addition to that comes what I feel to be the most important. They have to be committed and focused on the truth in which they speak. Just like I had to put Charlie way, we have to push the things that distract us away so we can maintain focus on not only Christ, but those who we mentor or come in contact with. We have to remain focused as we walk through life with our brothers or sisters that the Lord places in our path. Focused so as to achieve the goal of Freedom! Freedom through Jesus, who for some reason saw fit to die for us. To save me from my sin and my shame. Focusing on that truth opens doors to true, abounding freedom. Just like I had to remain focused on this delicate bird in my hand as I walked it outside the cage that was my room, Jesus has done that for me. He has done that for me through his word. He has done that for me through amazing men and women who have remained focused on him and shared that focus and freedom with me.
So now this morning I sit in awe of a God who still speaks. Who spoke to me and reminded me how delicate he treats me as he continues to free me from my past and my sin, and how now he is sharing that responsibility and honor with me as I get to speak truth and love to my brother today, and also others that he might bring into my life in the future. All this spoken through a little sparrow. Thank you Jesus for knowing me, and for speaking to me in such beautiful ways.
‘I Sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free. For his eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.’
A couple weeks ago I was woken up by a bird sound that I hadn’t really heard before. Charlie jumped off the bed and started running around my room and whining. So I opened the curtains the blocked my bed from the rest of the room. Right there on my balcony was a beautiful bald eagle. I stood there for a moment in awe of what I was seeing and didn’t know if I should start reciting the pledge of allegiance or grab for my camera phone. I chose the later. I turned around a quickly but calmly as possible to grab the phone and turned around just to see it fly off the deck. So, I laid the phone down and opted to sing the all time favorite ‘Proud to be ‘merican’ instead. In all seriousness though, it was one of the coolest experiences.
I thought that would trump everything, but then something happened this morning that I feel was a little gift from the Father. I woke up this morning and was laying in bed. Thinking about my day and all that it has in store. I am starting a bible study with a young friend of mine and our first meeting is today. I am so excited to spend time with this guy and share with him all that the Lord has done for me and can do for him. In the midst of thinking on this I looked at a face book page of a former mentor of mine that has since lost his way. My heart was crushed when I looked through the posts.
Each post was another declaration of freedom from the very thing that I hold to as my salvation. Each word a justification for him leaving what he had even expressed to me to be truth. My heart ached as I read an article he posted about a respected leader who decided to have the same belief as he has on what is truth and what is a lie. What is freedom and what is bondage. Then the Lord spoke to me through a very unusual servant. I know I am an emotional guy and I look at the world through different lenses most of the time, but I feel like this gift was so beautiful. So much so that it brought me to tears.
I heard a rustling sound from the other side of the room, and of course Charlie went to investigate. I open my curtains to see him chasing around a little sparrow that has gotten into my room through the screen door and can’t find its way out. I quickly grab Charlie and put him in another room so I can focus on getting this bird out. At first I grab a pillow and try and trap it in one of the window boxes I have. Then I realize that the pillow is too big. Then I grab a shirt and realize that I can’t maneuver it right in order to get the bird. So I decide to try and use my hands. I calmly put my hands around the bird and it just sits there. It sits there trusting that I am going to take care of it. I move over to the screen door and walk it out to the edge of the balcony and let if fly out of my hands. I didn’t think much of it then other than the fact that I now have to fix a screen, but a bit later while talking to my mom I was telling her about it and it was as if the Lord smacked me with what he was trying to tell me through the little sparrow.
Mentors have a responsibility. They have a mission that is very important and very delicate. They hold a life in their hands. Now, it isn’t like a doctor holds a life, but it is the emotional life of a person. The influence can be used for good or for the determent. My mentor I spoke of earlier was used so mightily in so many peoples lives, my own included, and then decided to pull the rug out from under the truth that he has spoken so boldly. The respected leader of such an impact full and important mission that denied the truth in which they spoke did the same. It breaks me heart in both situations because they are wonderful men who have gifts and abilities that could lead so many to freedom and truth. As a result of their choices many delicate hearts have been wounded even more. Responsibility.
This tiny bird this morning, I feel, was Gods way of showing me how to be a mentor. ( I know this may sound weird, but hear me out) A mentor can’t just corner someone into a belief ( the pillow) and they can’t just fan truth in their direction and hope that it sticks (the shirt) they have to be real. The have to show themselves and the blessings and gifts the Lord as given them. They have to be able to speak truth from their own lives and be transparent. (the hands) When you strip away all the masks and facades you see the raw true person and that is a testament of freedom. That is the true testament of God’s grace and power.
In addition to that comes what I feel to be the most important. They have to be committed and focused on the truth in which they speak. Just like I had to put Charlie way, we have to push the things that distract us away so we can maintain focus on not only Christ, but those who we mentor or come in contact with. We have to remain focused as we walk through life with our brothers or sisters that the Lord places in our path. Focused so as to achieve the goal of Freedom! Freedom through Jesus, who for some reason saw fit to die for us. To save me from my sin and my shame. Focusing on that truth opens doors to true, abounding freedom. Just like I had to remain focused on this delicate bird in my hand as I walked it outside the cage that was my room, Jesus has done that for me. He has done that for me through his word. He has done that for me through amazing men and women who have remained focused on him and shared that focus and freedom with me.
So now this morning I sit in awe of a God who still speaks. Who spoke to me and reminded me how delicate he treats me as he continues to free me from my past and my sin, and how now he is sharing that responsibility and honor with me as I get to speak truth and love to my brother today, and also others that he might bring into my life in the future. All this spoken through a little sparrow. Thank you Jesus for knowing me, and for speaking to me in such beautiful ways.
‘I Sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free. For his eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.’
Thursday, February 7, 2013
What to Remember
I just finished an amazing book called ‘The Cross Centered Life’ by C. J. Mahaney. I would highly recommend this book to any and everyone no matter where on your faith journey you might be. He just reminds the whole time of simple truths of the gospel that we often over look or neglect to make an every day part of our life. So so awesome. I feel like I just finished a week at a church retreat with an amazing speaker. One of those mountain top moments if you will.
I think I was so moved by this because it is exactly what the title says it is; Cross Centered. I think I live my life day to do thinking about what am I going to do. I think about stressors I might encounter or places I want to go….. Or don’t want to go. I think about my friends and family and how I want to spend time with them. I think about my future and how scary it can look sometimes. I think about changing careers and try and figure out what it is the Lord really wants me to do with my life. My thoughts flitter around from thing to thing. Worry to worry. Joy to joy and then I pause for a few moments now and again and realize, like I did today, that I desperately need a focus. Just like a runner has a goal. Or a series of goals along the path, we also need that same driving force; that same focus.
I believe that focus is Jesus. Just as Mr. Mahaney said in his book and just as Paul writes in almost every book he penned in the Bible, if we are truly focused on Jesus and the Cross, everything else will truly fall into place. It is the most important focal point we as Christians should have. The closer we cling to the cross, the more of an abiding relationship we have with Jesus. The more we abide in Christ the more our desires align with His. Our thoughts become more Christlike, because we are so Christ focused.
So all the worries of “Am I in God’s will for my life?” “Is this relationship one I should be in?” “Where do I go from here?” “Is this the Church I should be attending?“ They all become less pressing because our focus isn’t so much on what we need or want, it is focused on bringing Glory to our Father in Heaven. As a result, the worry disappears and we end up with Gods provision anyway, but without the stress we allow to rule our lives.
I think that is such a huge tool that Satan uses to distract us. The worry, the stress, the insecurity, the pride. All of it used to direct us away from the Cross and onto ourselves. My challenge from here on out is to make an intentional time every day where I remind myself of the Cross. I remind my self of the gift Jesus gave me and the grace the was so richly poured out over my life. Knox Chamblin writes “ Vital to Paul’s effectiveness as an apostle is that he never forgets his day as a persecutor…..An ongoing awareness of grace reminds Paul of the appalling sin from which he has been delivered; an ongoing awareness of sin keeps him dependent on grace.” I think this is true for all of us. I know it is for me. If we took a moment and thought about all that the Lord has done for us and redeemed us from, think of how great our reservoir of faith would be. If we remembered that every day, the freedom we could live in knowing that God is faithful. If that is not a reason to serve out heavenly father I don’t know what is. He has given us so much.
Anyway, I know this blog might be a little intense or full of buzz words and rambling, but the simple truth is enough to make it worth the read. Jesus is everything. He loves you. He died for you. If we focus on that, freedom is ours. Freedom from whatever you might be struggling with. Freedom from yourself. So embrace that freedom. Embrace the cross. Embrace Jesus.
I think I was so moved by this because it is exactly what the title says it is; Cross Centered. I think I live my life day to do thinking about what am I going to do. I think about stressors I might encounter or places I want to go….. Or don’t want to go. I think about my friends and family and how I want to spend time with them. I think about my future and how scary it can look sometimes. I think about changing careers and try and figure out what it is the Lord really wants me to do with my life. My thoughts flitter around from thing to thing. Worry to worry. Joy to joy and then I pause for a few moments now and again and realize, like I did today, that I desperately need a focus. Just like a runner has a goal. Or a series of goals along the path, we also need that same driving force; that same focus.
I believe that focus is Jesus. Just as Mr. Mahaney said in his book and just as Paul writes in almost every book he penned in the Bible, if we are truly focused on Jesus and the Cross, everything else will truly fall into place. It is the most important focal point we as Christians should have. The closer we cling to the cross, the more of an abiding relationship we have with Jesus. The more we abide in Christ the more our desires align with His. Our thoughts become more Christlike, because we are so Christ focused.
So all the worries of “Am I in God’s will for my life?” “Is this relationship one I should be in?” “Where do I go from here?” “Is this the Church I should be attending?“ They all become less pressing because our focus isn’t so much on what we need or want, it is focused on bringing Glory to our Father in Heaven. As a result, the worry disappears and we end up with Gods provision anyway, but without the stress we allow to rule our lives.
I think that is such a huge tool that Satan uses to distract us. The worry, the stress, the insecurity, the pride. All of it used to direct us away from the Cross and onto ourselves. My challenge from here on out is to make an intentional time every day where I remind myself of the Cross. I remind my self of the gift Jesus gave me and the grace the was so richly poured out over my life. Knox Chamblin writes “ Vital to Paul’s effectiveness as an apostle is that he never forgets his day as a persecutor…..An ongoing awareness of grace reminds Paul of the appalling sin from which he has been delivered; an ongoing awareness of sin keeps him dependent on grace.” I think this is true for all of us. I know it is for me. If we took a moment and thought about all that the Lord has done for us and redeemed us from, think of how great our reservoir of faith would be. If we remembered that every day, the freedom we could live in knowing that God is faithful. If that is not a reason to serve out heavenly father I don’t know what is. He has given us so much.
Anyway, I know this blog might be a little intense or full of buzz words and rambling, but the simple truth is enough to make it worth the read. Jesus is everything. He loves you. He died for you. If we focus on that, freedom is ours. Freedom from whatever you might be struggling with. Freedom from yourself. So embrace that freedom. Embrace the cross. Embrace Jesus.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
More Lessons I Learned From My Dog
My biggest thing I am trying to teach Charlie right now is to stay with me without a leash on. This allows for a greater opportunity for him to learn commands based on my voice and not a yank of his leash. Needless to say this has been a bit of trial and error. I have a treat in my hand and walk with it the entire time we are out. He knows the treat is there and that he wants it so he stays close. The test of how bad he wants the treat is if he stays in the midst of other stimulus. For example, were walking around one night and all of a sudden Charlie sprints away toward something. Next things I see running away is a cat. They sprint around the parking lot and I am calling Charlie’s name, but of course he has totally forgotten about the treat he wanted so badly before and has taken to the chase of a cat who will either scratch him or get away…leaving him either wounded, without the prize, or both. He chased the cat for what seemed like 30 min until finally the can climbed a tree and Charlie was left staring up at the one that got away.
I walk over to him and pet him a little and then break of part of the treat to remind him of what he can for sure have if he listens to his master. He gets back on track following me, but still looks back at the cat that is laughing at him for its safe perch on top of the tree. Eventually we are far enough away from the cat the he has moved on and is focused again totally on his original goal. This is aided by the verbal affirmation from me, his master.
I feel this is totally applicable to us in our Christian walk. We start this journey on fire and ready to go. We see the treat and we have a desire to attain it. So we stick close to the master and journey on , eyes focused and ears listening for the commands. Then we start to get distractions. Work, friends, insecurity, pride, greed, etc. Little by little our focus is drawn away from the master and the goal, and instead set our sights toward something entirely different and fleeting. Something that can leave us stranded where we never thought we would be. Something that leaves us wounded and looking for where to go next.
The great thing about this is that, just like me going to Charlie after, our Heavenly father is there for us. He reminds us that he loves us, he shows us a reminder of the joy of the goal he had originally set for us, and he affirms us as we start the journey back. Just like Charlie we look back, wondering if what we originally were chasing could still be in our grasp. Could still be something that would be better than what our master has. Our master gently affirms us though each time we pause, to keep going. To follow close. To only take his best because he k now what is truly best.
All of us at some point have chased a cat of temptation and realized only after we were exhausted and alone that we made the wrong choice. Our job is to listen, to obey, and to grow closer to the master as a result. Trusting all the while that He has what is best in his hands. Something that will leave us far more satisfied than anything else this world can offer us.
Thank you Father for the reminders of your grace and mercy in our lives. Thank you Lord for your Son who died for us so that we can have the best! A life with you! Let us be mindful of your prompting and trusting of your will for our lives and may it bring glory to you alone.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Hot Hot Hot
So, I decided to change things up a bit for this little blog post and tell you about a new thing I have been into for the past several months. Hot YOGA! I have never really been a huge fan of yoga. I have done regular yoga in the past because people in my past had done it, but it never really clicked with me. All the holding of poses and contortionism. It just was more painful than fun for me.
Well, several months ago my friend Janette invited me to go for a free hot yoga class. I was a bit skeptical at first, but decided to give it a go. My first class I had one towel and decided I wanted to wear a tank top in so as not to be distracted by my body not looking the way I want it to, silly I know, in any event I had not clue how much sweat would be pouring out of me. I reached down during one pose and squeezed my shirt and it was like turning a facet on. Then by the end of class there was a literal puddle underneath me. I could splash in the water on my mat. Haha. After that I decided to bring more towels and wear less clothing.
The other challenge to hot yoga is the shower situation after. At the conclusion of class the teacher is going through final calming words and ends the class with Namaste . Well, once that word is said I learned to quickly get up and sprint to the shower. I made a mistake one of the first times of taking my time and relaxing my way out, I ended up in a nudist colony that is the mens restroom. Most of the guys that go during the times I do are older gentlemen. I admire them being active and doing these classes that are really challenging. I don’t admire the fact that they seem to be totally ok with flaunting their wrinkled bits and pieces about for the world to see. They will even wait for a shower to open completely naked. No towel or anything. More power to them I guess, but for pete’s sake please cover up at least some of yourself. The mental pictures haunt my dreams!
Then comes the even more embarrassing moment when you realize you perhaps should have gone to the restroom before class started. Not to dive into potty humor here, but it is a real life issue that I feel my readers need to know. I can be a bit of a gaseous man. Well, if I am not proactive in releasing this pressure before class it will inevitably come out at some point during. This is especially precarious when you think that any gas release will become an atom bomb of destruction thanks to the extreme heat. I was in a child‘s pose and realized that some gas was going to need to be let go. I let what I felt was a little bit out. Next thing you know Im choking on my own stank. I am trying to not draw attention to myself and then I notice the people faces around me. Glances of disgust are thrown but surprisingly not at me, the source of their torment. They are all under the assumption that it is the older gentlemen next to me. I chuckle internally as I think to myself “ that’s payback for tormenting me with your nudity in the locker room!”.
The funny stories could go on and on. I think that is why I have enjoyed these classes so much. You just never know what you are going to experience. Aside from the awesome stretching and the relaxation you can achieve through class, you get to have a laugh at the quirky and unexpected events that will more than likely take place. So take a change and go to hot yoga my friends. If nothing else it will provide a good story to share with others.
Well, several months ago my friend Janette invited me to go for a free hot yoga class. I was a bit skeptical at first, but decided to give it a go. My first class I had one towel and decided I wanted to wear a tank top in so as not to be distracted by my body not looking the way I want it to, silly I know, in any event I had not clue how much sweat would be pouring out of me. I reached down during one pose and squeezed my shirt and it was like turning a facet on. Then by the end of class there was a literal puddle underneath me. I could splash in the water on my mat. Haha. After that I decided to bring more towels and wear less clothing.
The other challenge to hot yoga is the shower situation after. At the conclusion of class the teacher is going through final calming words and ends the class with Namaste . Well, once that word is said I learned to quickly get up and sprint to the shower. I made a mistake one of the first times of taking my time and relaxing my way out, I ended up in a nudist colony that is the mens restroom. Most of the guys that go during the times I do are older gentlemen. I admire them being active and doing these classes that are really challenging. I don’t admire the fact that they seem to be totally ok with flaunting their wrinkled bits and pieces about for the world to see. They will even wait for a shower to open completely naked. No towel or anything. More power to them I guess, but for pete’s sake please cover up at least some of yourself. The mental pictures haunt my dreams!
Then comes the even more embarrassing moment when you realize you perhaps should have gone to the restroom before class started. Not to dive into potty humor here, but it is a real life issue that I feel my readers need to know. I can be a bit of a gaseous man. Well, if I am not proactive in releasing this pressure before class it will inevitably come out at some point during. This is especially precarious when you think that any gas release will become an atom bomb of destruction thanks to the extreme heat. I was in a child‘s pose and realized that some gas was going to need to be let go. I let what I felt was a little bit out. Next thing you know Im choking on my own stank. I am trying to not draw attention to myself and then I notice the people faces around me. Glances of disgust are thrown but surprisingly not at me, the source of their torment. They are all under the assumption that it is the older gentlemen next to me. I chuckle internally as I think to myself “ that’s payback for tormenting me with your nudity in the locker room!”.
The funny stories could go on and on. I think that is why I have enjoyed these classes so much. You just never know what you are going to experience. Aside from the awesome stretching and the relaxation you can achieve through class, you get to have a laugh at the quirky and unexpected events that will more than likely take place. So take a change and go to hot yoga my friends. If nothing else it will provide a good story to share with others.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Realization of an Insecure Actor
I think when I blog I always want to have something deep to say or appear to have learned something amazing. Well, to night I am going to write a broken blog. I am not perfect and I am far from put together and it is only by the grace of God that I am able to do what I do.
It is off season right now for me which is the time for a performer in Branson where everything is shut down and you are out of work for a month or so depending on your job. During this down time you can either vacation or stay home and enjoy the lazy days. This year I decided, after debates and frustration, to stay home and relax. I started out making sure I started a steady routine of physical activity and time with friends I didn’t normally see. I took a little trip to see my friends in Arkansas and had a great time. Once the routine has started and I slowly faded into the mundane boredom that is off season when you are single and alone in an apartment. I have read 5 books and loved all of them, but I am tired of reading. I have worked out like crazy but I am bored with it and unmotivated. I have spent time with friends, but I also have to maintain a budget during this unemployed time. So, I started to watch my friends in rehearsals for Jekyll and Hyde for the local community theater.
Here in lies my recent frustration. Show people can be really rude. I don’t normally get an outside view of this because I am usually on the inside of the group, but my eyes have been opened. When doing a show you are in rehearsals a lot and working with the same people for hours upon hours. You build friendships that become like family and that is part of the reason I love theater because of the awesome friendships you build. Here is the flip side to this situation. If you are on the outside, you become invisible. Theater people are known for being some of the most accepting and loving people, but they are also known for being the most exclusive.
The past 2 night I have hung out with my friends that are some of the closest too me. I have known them since college. During dinner I was surrounded by several people that we don’t normally hang out with which is totally fine. Then I realize that I am completely out of the loop and conversation. So I try and chime in when appropriate. It seems like every time I do though I get the impression that it wasn’t my turn, or I was out of my element. I quickly realize that even though I have known some of these people for a long time, it is now Show World, and if you aren’t in it….you aren’t in the group.
Keep in mind this is totally innocent though because they don’t even realize it most of the time. I never really did until I experienced this other side. So this awesome group of people all working for the common goal of the show, gets so caught up in their own world they miss out on the other people around them that are actually their friends as well. I was talking to another friend about my frustration and she called me out for doing the same thing. I was floored, but challenged to make a change.
Each one of us has an opportunity to meet and interact with a myriad of different people on a daily basis. We have an impact on each of them for either the positive or the negative. We can either encourage growth and friendship or discourage through insecurity or lack of care. As I start to approach my own rehearsal period for this upcoming season I am challenged to open my eyes to the outside faces I come in contact with. Just because I am a part of a cast doesn’t mean I am to neglect the other people the Lord brings into my path during that time. In a book I recently finished called Chasing Daylight the author was challenging his readers to not miss out on divine moments. I feel this is applicable here. I don’t want to miss a divine moment with a new acquaintance or an old friend. I want to constantly be aware of those around me and more sensitive when I am in my comfort zone of those who might be out of there’s.
Now this might be the dumbest blog that I have ever written, but I believe there is some truth here. All of us need to open our eyes more. To look outside the blinders of our own circle and see others as more important then ourselves. We need to put aside selfishness more, of how many friends we have or what show we are in at the moment, and focus on making every interaction we have with the people we are around count. To take every opportunity to include rather than snub. To focus on quality rather than quantity. Stepping off my soap box now and ending my rant. Thanks for being patient readers with this silly…slightly insecure…blog. Feel free to comment on these blogs btw. I would love to be able to dialogue about some of these that I write.
It is off season right now for me which is the time for a performer in Branson where everything is shut down and you are out of work for a month or so depending on your job. During this down time you can either vacation or stay home and enjoy the lazy days. This year I decided, after debates and frustration, to stay home and relax. I started out making sure I started a steady routine of physical activity and time with friends I didn’t normally see. I took a little trip to see my friends in Arkansas and had a great time. Once the routine has started and I slowly faded into the mundane boredom that is off season when you are single and alone in an apartment. I have read 5 books and loved all of them, but I am tired of reading. I have worked out like crazy but I am bored with it and unmotivated. I have spent time with friends, but I also have to maintain a budget during this unemployed time. So, I started to watch my friends in rehearsals for Jekyll and Hyde for the local community theater.
Here in lies my recent frustration. Show people can be really rude. I don’t normally get an outside view of this because I am usually on the inside of the group, but my eyes have been opened. When doing a show you are in rehearsals a lot and working with the same people for hours upon hours. You build friendships that become like family and that is part of the reason I love theater because of the awesome friendships you build. Here is the flip side to this situation. If you are on the outside, you become invisible. Theater people are known for being some of the most accepting and loving people, but they are also known for being the most exclusive.
The past 2 night I have hung out with my friends that are some of the closest too me. I have known them since college. During dinner I was surrounded by several people that we don’t normally hang out with which is totally fine. Then I realize that I am completely out of the loop and conversation. So I try and chime in when appropriate. It seems like every time I do though I get the impression that it wasn’t my turn, or I was out of my element. I quickly realize that even though I have known some of these people for a long time, it is now Show World, and if you aren’t in it….you aren’t in the group.
Keep in mind this is totally innocent though because they don’t even realize it most of the time. I never really did until I experienced this other side. So this awesome group of people all working for the common goal of the show, gets so caught up in their own world they miss out on the other people around them that are actually their friends as well. I was talking to another friend about my frustration and she called me out for doing the same thing. I was floored, but challenged to make a change.
Each one of us has an opportunity to meet and interact with a myriad of different people on a daily basis. We have an impact on each of them for either the positive or the negative. We can either encourage growth and friendship or discourage through insecurity or lack of care. As I start to approach my own rehearsal period for this upcoming season I am challenged to open my eyes to the outside faces I come in contact with. Just because I am a part of a cast doesn’t mean I am to neglect the other people the Lord brings into my path during that time. In a book I recently finished called Chasing Daylight the author was challenging his readers to not miss out on divine moments. I feel this is applicable here. I don’t want to miss a divine moment with a new acquaintance or an old friend. I want to constantly be aware of those around me and more sensitive when I am in my comfort zone of those who might be out of there’s.
Now this might be the dumbest blog that I have ever written, but I believe there is some truth here. All of us need to open our eyes more. To look outside the blinders of our own circle and see others as more important then ourselves. We need to put aside selfishness more, of how many friends we have or what show we are in at the moment, and focus on making every interaction we have with the people we are around count. To take every opportunity to include rather than snub. To focus on quality rather than quantity. Stepping off my soap box now and ending my rant. Thanks for being patient readers with this silly…slightly insecure…blog. Feel free to comment on these blogs btw. I would love to be able to dialogue about some of these that I write.
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