Christmas Joy

Christmas is such a time for traditions.  Things that families do every year that become such a natural part of the way things are done during the holidays that is seems second nature.  This Christmas, for the first time in a long time, I feel like those traditions that I grew up on have happened once again. 
   I just got back from Kansas last night and the visit was just wonderful.  Maybe one of the most fun visits Ive had there.  My brother and I grew up with the family tradition of going over to Kansas for Christmas every year.  We would have spaghetti dinner at my Great Grandparents house followed by presents from them on Christmas Eve.  We would sit and talk and my Uncle Bill and I would play the piano.  Then on Christmas day we would have a huge home cooked meal by all the women in the Wilson family and open gifts from everyone else at my Grandparents house.  Their house was….and is….filled with every form of antique you could imagine.  The tree even has antique bubble lights on it that my brother and I would flick in order to get the bubbles to work.  Kind of hard to describe, but lets just say it was a vintage Christmas.  It was a home filled with warmth and laughter.  Yes, our family has its fair share of issues and drama but during that time…at least to my eyes growing up….those issues were put aside for Christmas. 
    My Great Grandparents eventually passed away and the traditions of our family were forced to change.  Christmas became new, and the traditions that I clung to changed to new traditions….or attempted to.  I don’t think I have experienced the full feeling of Christmas that I grew up feeling until this year.  Not to say that the other times were bad, it just was missing the piece of the puzzle and the faces I was so use to seeing. 
     So this Christmas I was able to go with my parents back to Kansas.  We spent a day with my moms side of the family and I got to hang out with my fun cousins.  We played games and laughed a lot.  Then went and had an impromptu ghost hunt at the Historic Leather Rock Hotel.  Not necessarily Christmas activity but it was with family I don’t get to see often and we had a great time. We ended the night by watching the movie Psycho the old black and white version.   The next day we went to Church with my Dads side of the family and spent the day eating and talking.  There weren’t presents to open or anything like that, but just being around all of that family again at one time was so nice.  To laugh and enjoy each others company and to share what is going on in each others lives is something I have missed.  I flicked the lights on the old Christmas tree to get the bubbles to work, and it just felt like Christmas to me.  Little things that growing up I didn’t even notice or appreciate, now take on a reminder of family and togetherness that I feel is so needed.  I think what recent events in our nation and others can remind us of is  that we are not guaranteed tomorrow and to cherish the family you have….warts and all.  J
      Today is Christmas Eve and as my mother starts preparing food for tomorrow and my day finishes up projects around the house I sit for a moment here in the old red chair from my Great Grandparents house and thank God for the blessings.  I have a family who I love with all my heart and we have all been though our share of struggles and strife, but I am humbled with the support and care that we all have for each other.  Care that continues to grow with times.   Grandma, Grandpa, Lani, Pete, Laurie, Bill, John, Mary, Devin, Steffani, Logan, Guinevere, Terri, Mike, Matt, Megan, Michelle, Grandma Wells,  Mom, Dad, Justin, Chealsie, and the two sweet pups Boogie and Charlie….I am proud to call each one of you my family and each one of you has had an impact on my life.  I pray for a year of blessing ahead, a year of growth and learning, a year of giving and  of encouraging one another. 
Merry Christmas!

Double Trouble

Double Minded- wavering or undecided in mind.
     I feel like for the past couple years I have been living the life of a double minded man.  I make decisions and choices for one direction but then part of my mind holds on to the very things that I was making choices against.  I have a mental tug o war with right and wrong.  The cliché picture of angel on one shoulder and demon on the other is what I have felt like.  The truth of the matter is that I am not alone, even though I feel like I am the only one who deals with this battle.   I think the challenge to myself and others is to learn better focus. 
   Focus- a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity.  A point at which rays of light, heat, or other radiation, meet after being refracted or reflected. The position of a viewed object or the adjustment of an optical device necessary to produce a clear image. 
      If there is no focus there is no direction.  Things aren’t clear.  An unfocused life is a life walking around in a fog grasping at something to fill a need at this time or that.  Trying to make it all work but not knowing which direction to go next.  You trick yourself after awhile to believe that you have it under control, but in reality you barely know where to place your next step.  So what can we do.  How do we find that focus. 
    Psalm 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
 As a Christian man I have to make the choice to be guided by Gods word.  As cliché as it sounds, it is the roadmap for our lives.  It is the only thing that can bring focus to the double minded man that I am.  The trap that I fall into often has been to go the direction that the Lord has for me but hold on to the “comfort” of the sin I know.  Of the life that I know I can do, even though I know it is wrong for me and will lead to hurt. 
   I read in a book by Donald Miller about women who have been abused.  Many of them choose to go back to the abuse because they know the outcome.  They can deal with the hurt because they have already experienced it and lived through it.  The fear they hold is the fear of the unknown.  That unknown healthy life that they have yet to experience.   I believe that is consistent with any person wrestling with wanting to make better choices for their lives.  No matter what the addiction or abuse, you have to take the initial step to let go of the hurt and the old life and walk into the scary unknown of a new life.  A life of being a new creation.  2 Corinthians 5:17.  
   James 1:8- He is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways
 My desire for myself is to flee from this double minded life I have been living.  To toss aside the baggage and move forward into the light and life the Lord has for me.  Due to lack of focus I have been living in, I have allowed myself to be hurt and to then hurt people.  For those in my life who have felt the effects of this I am truly sorry and pray for complete forgiveness and restoration.  I guess the reason I write this blog is to ask for prayer and also to communicate this so that others might be encouraged to trust in the Lord and his faithfulness.  It isn’t easy, and it is super scary, but I choose to believe that the outcome and the life it will bring forth in due time is far better than the alternative.