I have started writing this blog post about 10 times now. I cant seem to really put together what I am wanting to say. haha I have been feeling challenged to write more and to share life more. I think one of the biggest things that most of us want and desire is to be known. To be able to share life with people who genuinely know who we are and how we tick. To be able to care for each other better because of that knowledge and encourage each other to be better. To draw closer to Jesus and be more like him. So this is my little way of sharing me, my way of processing through where I am at right now and being a bit vulnerable. The blog has always been a place to process for me. A place to just get things out and rejoice and mourn along the way. Looking back at posts from the beginning until now has been a roller coaster. So here we are again.
I feel like since moving to Pennsylvania I have gone through a whole list of emotions and feelings. Feeling alone, feeling excited, feeling angry, and feeling challenged. I don't think I realized that moving here away from the community I had would be as hard as it has been. That being said I don't think I have felt the Lord moving so strongly in my heart for awhile. I have not felt such a tug to grow and a push to lean into Jesus in a long time.
I got here and immediately started feeling the insecurities creeping in. The questions of can I do this? Am I good enough? will people like me? Who can I trust? Am I safe? I wrestled with these and to be honest I still am to some degree. It has been amazing to me though how well the Lord has protected me in the midst of what could be a field day for the enemy. It seems like every time there has been temptations or struggle there has been a clear way out. Not just a way out, a shuttle out to where I cant go down the road my flesh is wanting. It reminds me of when I am walking Charlie and he is wanting so badly to go and eat the other dogs poop, but I know that as his father it could make him sick and I pull the leash and remind him that he has another path to go down, and there is a treat waiting for him at the end that will taste a whole lot better than the poop he is willing to settle for a the time. (sorry for the poop reference)
I think when we are stripped of security and left what feels exposed and alone our natural reaction is to seek something to cover up. Some people go to food, others to alcohol, others to lust and sex, some people just go into hiding. So, I guess my challenge that I am seeing for myself and sharing with all of you is what are you (am I) going to do with this vulnerable place that you might be in. We always always have a choice. Who are we running to? What are we running to? What is your security blanket? Are you choosing a blanket that will truly keep you warm or are you choosing one that has holes in it, One that is not made to last?.
Jesus is the only security that will ever sustain. He is the only blanket that will truly keep you warm and the only blanked that will last. There are so many distractions, so many things that claim to provide what we need but none of it can. I have tried many, we all have, and if we are truly honest with ourselves each of these imitations have left us wanting. Have left us more exposed and vulnerable than before.
This is what I am learning. I cant be afraid to be still. I cant be afraid to wait. I cant be afraid to open up to my brothers and sisters and share my burdens. I cant be afraid to risk when the Lord is calling me to a leap of faith. I cant live a life tied to fear that isolates and destroys.
So, my friends, today join me in clinging to a savior who loves us. Join me in allowing him to prompt our hearts and move in our lives. Lets toss aside the insecurities for today and rejoice in the freedom and Love of Jesus. Lets enjoy the warmth of the true security blanket, one that is more like a cape that we use to wear as kids. That we would tie around our neck and face the world has Conquerors.
