Today is my day off and I am a touch on the bored side so I thought I would write a bit since I haven't in quite a while. I am not anticipating any of this being deep or meaningful but here goes. I having been feeling overwhelmed with blessing lately. I am surrounded by people who love me. I am spoiled with quality time and rest. I am happy, filled with joy.
Not to say that the rest of my life hasn't had these things but I think right now, for one reason or another, I am made more aware of it. The past 2 weeks I have been in rehearsals for our upcoming Christmas Show here at Sight and Sound. It was a blast to learn and I am anticipating it being even more fun to do once we get the show up and running. In the midst of that rehearsal I met this beautiful girl who took my breath away when I first saw her. Then I talked to her and realized she was just as beautiful inside. Next thing you know I am spending every day after rehearsal with her and enjoying amazing conversation about life, and experiences, and the Lord. I am blown away. In 2 weeks I got as close to this amazing woman as most of my closest friends.
Being the insecure introvert that I tend to be, I start to question things. Am I good enough?. Am I attractive enough?. Am I man enough? What about my past? What about future contracts or moving to different places? And the list could go on and on. It is amazing to me in the midst of blessing sometimes we refuse to accept it as being that. We distort it through our lens of doubt or fear and make it something that it was never intended to be. We take all the joy out of something that was meant to be beautiful.
While having a conversation with this girl I drift for a moment and start getting sad because of all the what ifs in my mind. Then out of no where this man comes up to us to get a paper that was in a basket by our feet. We start a little conversation and then the next thing you know he asks us if we have a penny. I didn't have one but she did. So he takes the penny and then says "This isn't really worth much to you is it?" To which we both agree. "Well this is really what our lives are. They are small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but this is worth alot don't you think?" and he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. We both agree. "This is what Christ paid for us. Because to him we are worth far more than we believe or deserve." We both sit there humbled as the man gives us this hundred dollar bill and says we can use it however we like. To spend on ourselves or to bless someone else.
That moment was precious in so many way. One, that I got to experience this with a girl I am about to take an adventure with. Two, because it reminded me that no matter what is going on in my life or in my head, I have value and worth. Even though some days I don't feel like much, in God's eyes I am worth so much. So, when I receive a blessing, in this case a new relationship, I need to remember it is just a way for God to show his love to me. Although I don't deserve it, he is freely and abundantly giving it to me.
I don't know all the answers. How long this will last, for a season or for longer? Or how everything is going to turn out in this new adventure with this beautiful girl, but I do know that God loves me and as long as I am seeking him and trusting his will he will be faithful to show me.
This is not at all what I thought I would write about, but in some ways, it is my way of trying to pay it forward like the kind man at the restaurant did for me. I can't give a hundred dollars to everyone, but I can write a hundred words. :-) I am blessed and thankful for the precious gift of Jesus and doubly blessed that I get to live my life learning more about him and sharing it with others.
