On June 20th I was doing what I love to do more than most anything in the world, which is performing on stage. I loved what I was doing but my heart just seemed out of it and weary though. From my own personal struggles to watching friends face things that I wished I could take from them, I just felt weight. I remember countless prayers that I lifted for answers, for direction.
So that day started just like any other. I was doing my track and finished the first show and made it a little way into the second show and one of my worst fears as an actor happened. I got injured on stage. I had broken my foot at the beginning of a scene and a mixture of “the show must go on” and pain rushed over me. I was going through a mental check list of what I needed to do and finally got off stage and the bad news came that I would need to go to the hospital.
I felt horrible. I felt a huge wave of guilt that I was letting everyone down come over me. I was heart broken. I dance, this is my livelihood and now I am sidelined. I went to the urgent care and was told that I might have to have a screw put in my foot which would potentially prevent me from fully dancing again. So many thoughts rushing as medical terms and game plans for recovery were being thrown at me. I remember thinking “Lord, what are you doing to me?”
Then I got an email from Katie Miller reaching out to encourage me, knowing that this would be a difficult thing for me to face. She said that she felt like there was something in this for me. That the Lord had good for me in the midst of feeling like my world had just been shaken up pretty good. She was right!
I went to the orthopedic surgeon the next day and was told that thankfully I didnt need surgery. He went on to say that the muscles and ligaments were strong enough and flexible enough that it literally just allowed the bone to break and then popped it right back into place. There was no sprain, to tearing, nothing but the broken bone itself. It was a miracle.
Although this was great news it still didn’t get me back in the show the next day. I was put in an air cast and told I couldn’t do the show for 4 weeks so the bone could heal back. I was being forced to be still! NOOOOO!
I started the first day back at work learning to call the show with Amberlee Barker. I put on my positive attitude and my smile and faced the day. Inside I was hurting, seeing my fellow cast mates have to cover my track. Knowing what it feels like to have extra things added to an already exhausting show. I felt guilty. I felt shame. Add onto that the ache of watching my friends doing the show while I sat wishing I could just get up and dance again. Discouragement was thick in my heart and head. Thankfully, the Lord is so good and knows me so well. He is a God of little details.
I put on my headset and started my journey of learning a different side of theater that I hadn’t experienced much of. I was in the booth with Mel Lewis, Amberlee, Curt, and Terri. Mel is the best at encouragment. “Excellent Well!” is her response most days when you ask how she is doing. Amberlee is just an authentic human who loves hearing peoples stories. She desires to truly know people and their hearts and serve them where they are at. She also really loves theater! Curt is a brother who I just enjoy being around, and Terri is a machine and not only was she good at her job, she cared for people at the same time. Each of these individuals were used to turn my discouraged heart back into the encouraged and hopeful one that it was. Each day learning and laughing and sharing I grew to know and love them more than I ever had before. I realized how much they do, how much they care, and their hearts for not just their jobs but for the Lord and serving others. It was awesome.
In the midst of learning I got the chance to interact more with the house staff than I normally had. They are Artists! From fashion designers, to photographers, to musicians. Each of them has an amazing story and feel called here. I was looking at my own situation discouraged because I couldn’t do what I love every day, and then I encountered these amazing people who could literally be successful thriving artists, but feel called right now to serve in this way in this time. I was humbled.
Im hearing techs working so hard to make the show run smoothly so that we as actors can function on stage without fear. I am surround by a building full of people, functioning for one purpose, and that is to bring Glory to God. Getting an opportunity to step outside my normal situation and see a glimpse of the church. Many parts forming one body to accomplish our mission. I never would have truly gotten to see that if I hadn’t broken my foot.
Fast forward a bit and I was given the opportunity to continue doing my work while injured at the Branson theater which is where I started. Branson is home for me. I grew up just north of there. I got to Branson and was reunited with the community I love so dearly there. I got blessed by my grandparents to stay in their cabin while there which was void of internet and tv. I would be disconnected!
I was encouraged, challenged, and filled by people that know me very well. My heart was full, but torn. Both locations have become home for me. We have two theaters with very different dynamics, but both have a heart for Jesus. Half way through my time in Branson I was sitting in the cabin I was staying in and having my quiet time. The stillness of being disconnected created a bit of anxiety in me. I had no where to hide. I couldn’t hide behind my show, I could hide behind distractions. I was bare and exposed before the Lord. My fears and struggles and heart aches all just came rushing to the surface.
I love to encourage people and Love people. My goal and desire is to make people feel supported and heard. I would rather help someone else than deal with my own issues. In this still time I finally was forced to do that. Forced to lay my baggage down and get some healing for my heart. Forced to admit that I can’t do it all, I can’t be there for everyone all the time. Forced to admit that I have needs and that that is ok. I began to sob because for the first time in awhile I felt the weight lifted. I felt like I could breath again. He Restores My Soul!
After spending quality time with my friends and precious time with my Family I left Branson and came back to Pennsylvania. I came back with fresh eyes and a lighter heart. I came back worshiping a God who knows just what we need when we need it.
I am now out of my air cast and slowly getting back into the show. I am beyond thankful for this gift the Lord gave me in the unsettling package of a broke foot. I am so grateful for a community of people that supported me through it all. I am so amazed and humbled by the people I get to work with. From my fellow actors on the stage to the front of house staff. Each and every person has SO MUCH VALUE and I am so thankful that I got to see that in a different way during this time. We are the body of Christ. We are together in this journey, sometimes we just have to be still…or be forced to be still…. and open our eyes to see it. To repeat what my friend Katie said, There is something in this for you! The Good that God has is there, we just have to be willing and open to receive it.
