Boxes, Tape, and Memories

    As I slowly pack up my apartment and get ready to move into another I am reminded of this past year.  I feel like I am beating a dead horse talking about it, but it has been one of the biggest growing years for me ever.  I remember looking for an apartment last year wanting to get away from my family who was loving on me so well and were patient with me more than I deserved.  I wanted to get away because the Lord was working on me through them, and that is the last thing I wanted.  So I found my little one bedroom shack and I moved into a complete disaster.   The place was filthy.  They hadn’t cleaned anything really.  There was a huge stain on the carpet.  Fairly certain someone had died there.  Haha.  In any event I began cleaning my apartment as the Lord began cleaning my and healing my heart. 
    As I painted the walls my signature colors of blue and green (and for some reason I thought orange would be cool)  I saw a new life come into the place.  It started to brighten and take shape into  not a drab hole in the wall, but a place someone would actually live.  As I started at Sight and Sound  I got my own coat of pain there.  Covered by the love of the people there and the support that the have provided has given me new life.  
     No matter how hard I worked on the carpet I couldn’t get this massive stain out.  I vacuumed.  I shampooed.  I steamed.  Nothing would get it out.  So finally after doing everything I could, using so much effort, I had to give up and let someone who could get the stain out take over, and they did.  My carpet, although not new or completely fresh, was given a new start.  It no longer was marred by the stains of the past, it was clean and ready for the new owner, me.  The father I got into the year last year I realized that I couldn’t fix myself.  I couldn’t heal myself or make myself something else.  I had to hand myself back over to my heavenly father and let him clean off the stains and clean out the wounds that were so deep in my heart.  Im not perfect, the mistakes of my past were still made, and I will still continue to face the consequences/ after effects of them.  I have a new start though.  A chance to make the same mistakes again, or to continue this healing process that has brought life back to me. 
         After the paint was dry and the carpets cleaned I started to bring in furniture.  I moved in with very very little.  I didn’t have anything but a few rubber maid containers and a bed.  Then it seemed like everything came together.  I was given a wonderful chair from some friends.  Another friend came over with a kitchen table and some cookware.  I found another chair at work for free and was able to fix it up into something really nice.  My aunt gave me a wonderful set of dishes.   Another friend got me a coffee pot and grinder! (a must have for this coffee addict)  Another friend sold me his TV for mere pennies compared to what it was worth.  My sister in law painted me a painting for my kitchen.  The list could go on and on and on.  Next thing you know it I have a full house and everything I need.  It is amazing to me how the Lord has done the same thing in my heart.  He is so good at giving gifts.  Just like my friends provided so many things for me.  The Lord provided friendships that were essential for this new chapter in my life.  He provided a Church home.  He provided restoration with family and friends.  He provided opportunity after opportunity to grow.  He has provided everything I need and more. 
      So now, I am packing up all of these things.  Stacking up boxes in a corner and getting them ready to be taken to a new home and a new chapter.  The walls are blank except for the colored paint and there is no furniture to fill the floors.  Theses walls hold the memories of a year of growth.  A year of laughter and tears.  A year of learning to be content with where I am and who the Lord has me to be.  So, to the next owner of my little home here in downtown Branson, who will never read this blog, I pray your time here is just as peaceful and rejuvenating as it has been for me.  From window leaks to tornado damage, it has provided adventures and true rest despite all of it.  I will truly miss my little man cave, my sanctuary, my home. 

Dog Attack!

    So yesterday I was walking Charlie Dog and we were just enjoying a beautiful morning.  All of a sudden a dog from up the street comes barreling down the hill toward us and pounced on Charlie.  They fight for a little bit as I try and break it up without getting in the way.  I finally get Charlie up in my arms just in time for the other dog to sink its teeth into Charlie’s leg.  I kicked the other dog in the face and quickly try and get away while fending off more attacks from this stupid dog.  Charlie is bleeding and my adrenaline is running and I just start to cry.  Being so attached to my little dog I think it is just another lesson that the Lord is teaching me through this pup. 
      In our lives we are faced with predators all the time.  People, things, and situations that are ready to pounce and throw us off our original course.  Sinking their teeth into the truth that we know about ourselves in order to create pain and destruction.  One moment we are just enjoying our lives and focused and then from out of nowhere we are pounced on by sin.  This is kinda dramatic I know, but I like being able to visualize things.  Haha. 
      I see this true in my life so many times.  Allowing friendships to grow that shouldn’t be there.  Allowing them to lead me down paths of destruction.  Allowing myself to be in a relationship with a pseudo love that intoxicates me into changing everything about myself.  Allowing myself to believe an off hand comment from someone about who they think I am.  The wounds from theses attacks at all different but the reaction should always be the same.  Leaping into the fathers arms. 
      Just like I was trying to find an opportunity to get my precious pup away from the attacking mut, my heavenly father is waiting in those situations for me to throw out my hands so that he can scoop me up.  Dosen’t mean that their won’t still be wounds.  Dosent mean that on the way out you won’t be hurt more.  It dose mean that you will finally be safe.  You will have a father to tend your wounds and make sure you are ok.  You will have a father who will love you and remind you of that every moment.  You will have a father who would give his life for you.  Who has given his life for you. 
      Although my writing might not be the most eloquent or have the best grammar, I am thankful for the opportunity to share the reminders of truth the Lord gives me in my life.  I forget where I have come from so quickly.  I forget how much the Lord has brought me though and how much he will continue to see me through.  So these moments where he is gracious to remind, I am humbled.  The love I have for my dog dosent in any way shape or form compare to the love the Lord has for us.  Unconditional, overwhelming, indescribable love.  A love you can rest in.