Well, It is 1:00 in the morning and insomnia has struck again! So, I decided to write a blog since it has been a little bit. Don't expect anything profound out of me at this hour. I am actually hoping that writing this will help lull me to sleep.
I just found out in the past 2 weeks that I have been officially cast for another season at Sight and Sound here in Branson. In the performing world to have steady work like this is kind of an anomaly and I have been blessed to never be without work for an extended period. I have friends in New York pounding pavement every day auditioning and have yet to work in this field. I have to remind myself of that when things get stagnant though. When doing the same show starts to get under my skin and being around the same people starts to wear on me. I am blessed with WORK! Doing what I LOVE and getting paid for it!
My issue right now is trying not to be pulled into the discontentment that can overtake a performer. That insatiable desire to have a bigger roll, a better paying gig, to travel the world. None of these things are bad, but when you lose the ability to be content where you are, no matter where that is, it can be distressing.
I miss traveling so much it hurts sometimes. I miss being able to explore and experience new things. I miss meeting new people and hearing their stories. I miss the excitement of it all. The ironic thing about it though, is that I felt so overwhelmed when I did have all of that. I felt like I was never stable and always worried about what would be next. For the first time in my performing career, I don't feel that. I feel stable and secure. I get paid well. I get challenged in different ways all the time. I am constantly learning. I am surrounded by friends and family who TRULY love me.
So, what does all this mean for me? I don't really know. The truth I know is this. I am here for a reason. I know that because no matter how discontent I might get at moments, I have a peace about being right here....right now. I have support that I have never had before....ever. I have intimate friendships that encourage and challenge. So, my responsibility in this is to take advantage of the time and opportunity I have here. To cherish it and not take it for granted.
Looking back at the choices I have made. At the relationships I have been in, and the jobs I have done. The overarching themes is that I took them for granted and missed the point. Weather it be because of jealousy of insecurity. Weather it be because of discontentment or guilt. I have. So now, standing till in the gypsy life that I have chosen, I have the opportunity to see these things through sober eyes and learn from them. To grow and become the Man God truly wants me to be, and That is worth everything.
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