Today I tried to put a new mailbox up. My current mailbox had a lid that fell off and was unfortunately run over by the mailman. I tried to figure out a way to reattach it but it just kept falling off. So I went to Lowes and bought a new box….then went back to Lowes because I needed a bracket to hold it, but they didn’t sell the kind I needed so I just bought a whole new post.
I got home and attached the mailbox to the arm and then proceeded outside to get the post ready. I dug a hole….and kept hammering rocks. I dug and dug and just wasn’t getting anywhere. Then I started slamming the post into the ground hoping that I could get it to stay….but as soon as I tried to attach the box it immediately fell over. So now I have a mailbox attached to a post….laying in my yard.
This is how life feels to me right now.
Dramatic I know.
In all seriousness I feel like I am not receiving mail to my brain lately. The mail I am getting is soggy and weathered because the door has fallen off protecting what I am receiving. I love a good analogy. So yes, I bought a new mailbox in the real world but today I also got one for my heart. I have for some reason allowed insecurity and peoples opinions of me to distract me. Ive allowed them to run over the door that protects what i take in.
Let me try another way of describing. In the past year I have experienced a kind of freedom I never thought that i would have. It isn’t a pretty, sparkly, kind of freedom. It is the kind that is fought for in the trenches. It is a battle worn freedom that at the end of the day is satisfying but requires some recovery. I thought that as the Lord transitioned me back home to Branson that I would be walking into recovery time. In some ways it Has been, but in a lot of ways new challenged and battles have been raised that I didn’t image. It feels like I just fought off a pack of wolves and then right as i catch my breath another pack has come and sunk their claws into me.
People spreading lies and untruth in order to gain something. People scoffing at something they don’t understand. People trying to heal in their own way but then happen to cause hurt and shame. Reminders of what was and what could have been. Expectations and letting people down. Each one a lash of the claws of the wolves that are circling trying to take down their prey.
Again, dramatic I know.
All this long ramble to say, I have allowed the lies that have been swirling and the insecurity attached to them to effect my day to day life. I have been walking around like a zombie inside instead of embracing the fullness of life the Lord has so richly blessed me with. I have put down my sword and shield and embraced the wounds instead of continuing to fight the battle. It is so easy to remember the hard things, but just open your eyes to the vast riches that come from battles won. So, I am taking some of those riches and Im getting a new mailbox….see what I did…full circle…..Only this time the mailbox will be anchored and not fall down. The door will secure the truth inside and protect from anything other than that.
There will always be wolves prowling around, no matter where you go. No matter if it is your “safe” place or not. The thing of it is, we always have the armor of God. We always have the power of the holy spirit, and we always have the redemption and victory of Christ. Battle well my friends, I just picked my sword back up and am right there with you.
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