Last week I went to the doctor. Something I hate doing. There is something about a doctors office that sends me on a tail spin of worries about my health or the health of those I love. I have spent a decent amount of time in hospitals and usually it has been for hard situations. Needless to say, not my favorite place. This visit was no different.
I have been experiencing major chest pain. The pain the grabs on and makes you feel like you are having a heart attack. The first time I experienced it I felt like I was going to pass out. It was the clenching around my heart that felt like it could explode at any moment. True to form I decided to ride it out and just see if things got better. They did as stress subsided for a bit and then it came back again several weeks later. Multiple times I have experienced the same pain and finally I decided to listen to those I had shared this experience with and made an appointment.
I talk to the doctor and she was amazing. She talked me through some of the stressors in my life. She talked to me about the feeling I was having during my episodes. She then suggested I get an EKG. So I agreed. Lots of wires were then attached to my body and I proceeded to lay there while they got a little bit of a view of my heart. The doctor came back after everything and said that my heart looked healthy. She said that stress can do strange things to our bodies and if we don’t learn how to focus it well then it could lead to literal damage to your heart among other things.
My heart is healthy……but outside things are were making me feel like it wasn’t.
The power of peoples words is more than we fully realize. I think we acknowledge it from time to time but over all people to make the conscious decision to think before they speak. Before they condemn. Before they express sarcasm or jabbing remarks. We have a sword that is our tongues, and it is deadly.
My Literal heart has been affected by the stresses of my life lately. From moving, to establishing a community back here in Branson. From navigating family and friends and relationships. I bought a house. I had to buy a new car. Im getting older. All these things just kind of creeped up. This in and of itself can cause stress. Add in the fact that everyone has an opinion. Should you have bought that car? Should you have bought that house? Do you realize how much work there is? You’re how old now? Have you planned for retirement? All are good intentioned questions. Are you going to get married? Should you be dating someone right now? Maybe you just need to be single? People want to be a part of your life so that express their feelings.
This is all well and good if there is a follow through. I have some dear friends in my life that I can have very raw conversations with. They are always there. They are always loving and supportive. They have no conditions on their love. They express. They support. They love. There is balance. The stress comes in when those tough people come up and decide they know whats best. They have all the answers and know that they are right. Obviously……the person they are talking to hasn’t thought through their life. Obviously…….they need someone to make sure they know the truth and I am going to be the one to tell them! If I help the lowly then I will have raised myself up. To quote a friend of mine” I think some people get so bored that they have to create situations to elevate themselves and their own self righteousness.” We all fall into this trap unfortunately.
So, I’m sitting on the doctors table. My heart is fine. Its my focus thats off. I have been focusing on what so many other people have been screaming. I have been focused on all the disappointments or fears others have been laying on my shoulders. I have lost track of that still small voice of the Lord saying…..You are loved…..you are mine……nothing and no one will take you from my hand…..I have you…..I will protect you…..I will sustain you. The sweet sounds of peace from a heavenly father who is the king of intentionality and the king of unconditional love.
We are his children. He is the perfect father. He is the one sitting beside us on those nights where we question a path. Where we question a relationship. Where we question our faith. He is the one sitting there. Not screaming condemnation…but affirming love and prompting our hearts to focus on him. So weather it be your literal heart muscle that needs you to refocus, or your emotional heart muscle, its time to kindly refocus. There might be situations that need fresh boundaries. Its time to make them. Your future depends on it.
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