Thanksgiving!

Today is the one year anniversary of me getting off my ship contract. A week before that point I was told that the relationship I was in at the time was over. One that I had fought so hard for and toiled so much to make work. I got of that ship broken, angry with God, and bitter. I was grieving a life that I had planned out and made my own. I was crushed by the thought of my plan not working and thinking “ Now what am I suppose to do?” I had hit rock bottom emotionally, spiritually, relationally. I thought that I would never move on, I would never, as Sarah Bariellies says, breath again. My how I was wrong. Today, one year later, I am crying after an amazing dinner with two mentors in my life Jim and Jennifer Freeman who have watched me make choice after choice, good and bad, but constantly redirected me back to Christ. My girlfriend Valerie Wilson has had a similar relationship with them. We ended the night with a prayer over Val and I, and rejoicing over all that God has done to heal and direct. To restore and provide. I would like to express some of the restoration Christ has brought in my life now. I am no longer in a position professionally where I have to decide weather to compromise my morals in order to have friends, or get roles. I am no longer disconnected from my family. The restoration that has happened with each member of my family has been amazing. My Dad is truly one of my best friends now. I can call him about anything under the sun and he will be there to give advice if he has any or pray for me. My mother is growing too. I am getting the opportunity to watch her let go of control over her life and allow God to work in and through her. It is such an encouragement to watch. My brother is so intentional now. He will often call and ask if I want to ride bikes or hang out. I feel like we are actually brothers now, and not just two guys who grew up together. I love him, and I appreciate him more and more. He and Chealse both. I am no longer running from the Lord and his will for my life, I am running toward him and yearning for more and more intimacy with my heavenly father. I desire his will for my life more than anything. A year ago, I was blinded by the lust of a relationship that was anything but healthy. Blinded by a lifestyle that only brings about death and disconnect. I was justifying the very toxin that was killing my spirit and removing me from the only life giving thing that I had, which is my relationship with Christ. Thank you Lord for stripping my of my sin and tearing away the brush I allowed to form around my heart. As hard as it has been, I am humbled and blessed by your grace and mercy in my life. Prodigal Sons everywhere will understand that humble feeling when you are embraced after deliberately doing what we know is not right or good. I am ok with being alone. I don’t have to have a relationship with someone to make me happy. I don’t have to have someone by my side affirming me and making me feel loved in order to feel those things. I am confident in Christ’s love for me and he shows that through various relationships in my life and in his word. My significance if found in him, and I pray in continues to grow in that way. I am able to have healthy boundaries with the friendships I do have and the strength to distance myself if I feel the Lord prompting me to do so. I am able to be in a healthy relationship. I have been blessed with an amazing relationship with Valerie Wilson. I wasn’t looking, I wasn’t seeking it out. I was content with where I was at, and then the Lord brings this amazing women into my life. No matter what happens in this relationship, the healing and restoration it has brought and the truth Christ has given through her, has been amazing and I am grateful and blessed. Happy almost 2 months ! J All these things are only possible through the amazing love and provision of my savior. I know this is super churchy and might be a turn off to some who read this, but I cannot boast in anything but the cross of Jesus Christ who died for this restoration to happen. Not just in my life, but yours too. After starting of the year wondering if I would ever ‘breath again’ I am realizing more and more that I’m breathing deeper than ever, and resting in the assurance of God’s plan for my life and trusting that he will be the one to do the work and guide me along the paths I should go. Thank you Lord for this year of growth and healing, I pray you will continue to grow me and guide me.