Reflections on a Jet Plane

    I am currently sitting on a plane heading home from a great week at home in Missouri.  I am so thankful for time with family that was relaxing, restoring, and fun.  Brought some healing to my heart that is so precious to me.  
    
    During the course of the week the Lord was just reminding me of how much he has provided and continues to provide for both myself and my family.  Not just us, but I am hearing story after story of the Lord just coming through for friends and showing how good of a father he is.  From situations that are hard and heart breaking bringing joy and healing, to just the little day to day things that he shows himself in. He is intimately acquainted with our lives and our hearts and wants the best for us! 
    
    I find myself in a space where I am holding my life open. Surrounded by a lot of what ifs.  A lot of possibilities that are happening both good and hard.  Things that I have no control of and I am totally dependent on the Lords provision.  For me this is a challenge.  I like to be able to control my life.  To make things happen on my own.  This of course is futile.  If I want Gods best.  If I want to be able to share a story of what the Lord is doing I have to let him do it.  I have to life up my hands and allow my Heavenly Father grab them and take me on the ride. 
   
    I think in the midst of these times the enemy is right there waiting to trip you up.  Waiting to rob your joy and bring you to a place of fear.  To distract you with something that might seem appealing but is nothing compared to what the Lord is doing.  Don’t give in.  Keep going!  Keep pressing in and running to the father.
    
    When I was younger I would love it when my dad would grab my hands and swing me around. Spinning around laughing and screaming for joy.  My brother and I would fight for another turn as my dad's arms slowly wore out.  I think that's how we should be with our Heavenly Father.  Jumping up and down excited for our next turn.  Arms outstretched waiting for the joy he will bring. Knowing that he will never let us go. 

Happy Birthday Reese

   

     Today is my Nieces Birthday.  She would have been three today.  This trip home has been hard because this is the first trip where she hasn’t physically been here.  There is no going over and seeing her.  No holding her.  No playing with her hair.  My little angel Niece is now in Heaven watching us continue to celebrate her as a family.  She is watching as we get the family together and still have cake and ice cream.  She is watching as we write messages to send to her on balloons.  This little girl has had an impact on us all.

    

     Yesterday, I was helping my brother and sister in law do some things around their house.  As I was doing that my sister in law Chelsea showed me Reese’s Urn where her ashes are.  She showed me the mold they made of her little hand and the lock of hair they kept.  She then opened up a little bag and showed me these little things.  They were Reese’s finger prints.  Chelsea gave one to me as a gift and what a beautiful impact it has made on my heart.  

     

     The beautiful thing about finger prints is that they are unique.  There isn’t a finger print that is the same.  They are defining characteristics that set you apart from everyone else.  Reese has left her fingerprint on all of our lives.  Anyone who has heard her story of held her in person has been impacted in some way big or small.  That finger print is unique for each person.  For some it was a reminder that life is short.  For some it was a reminder to keep fighting.  For some it was a reminder that family is important and to never take it for granted.  No matter what, that finger print had an impact.  

    

     I think about my niece and her impact and then I think about the Lord and the impact he can have on our lives.  The finger print he leaves is something that can bring new life and full life.  His finger print on our lives is his provision for everything we need.  For healing.  For freedom.  His fingerprint is that he created our fingerprints to begin with!!!!

  

      So as I sit here holding this little gift of one of Reese’s finger prints I thank God for his provision.  I thank God for his unfailing love and for his purpose that is far bigger and wider and deeper than I could ever imagine.  I thank God for his finger print on my life, and how although I have gone through struggles and hardships he is giving me a fingerprint that reflects him and his impact in my life.  In my family’s lives.  My prayer is that I am leaving the fingerprint on those I interact with.  That I am touching lives for the better like my precious Niece did.  

    

      Happy Birthday Reese.  I love you so much.  Im a proud uncle of an Angel. 

Sugar Free

    So, yesterday was a rough day.  One of those days where you can’t seem to push through the fog.  My thoughts were all over the place and focus seemed to be something of a golden ticket I was desperately trying to unwrap in a chocolate bar.  Of course Charlie got it!

   

    I decided in addition to giving up social media for awhile I am going to give up sugar for 21 days.  Several of the other guys in my dressing room are doing this all with me, so there is strength in numbers.  I have found such a strange parallel with giving up sugar and my battle over my mind though.  So easily I allow things to enter my thoughts that should not be there.  I let my heart dwell in places that harden it, or abuse it.  I need to be taking those thoughts captive and replacing any untruth I encounter with the truth that the Lord has provided.  Just like this giving up sugar, I find that when I try to remove those things, I feel the withdrawals.  I am detoxing from the things that might taste good but that are ultimately not the best for me.  

    

    Yesterday, in the midst of feeling like I was in constant prayer to fight untruth, I had a thought that I didn’t want to be here anymore.  Just wishing that the Lord would return or just take me home already.  Its all just too much.  I was praying this and thinking, does he even hear me.  I felt at that moment like I was pleading to nothing but the ceiling.  

   

   I walked up to take my place before the next scene in the show I am in started and my friend Amber walked up to me.  We normally catch up at that time or pray together.  Today we talked for a second and then she literally spoke out to me the thoughts I had just had.  She acknowledged the untruth that was trying to get to my heart and it was like the Lord was speaking through her in that moment, “Curtis, I see you.  I hear your prayers.  I am here with you. Keep going!”.   I was taken aback by what she had just said to me.  A mix of embarrassed and filled with peace.  The God of the universe just responded to me….  Literally within moments.  I don’t think I have ever experienced anything like that before.  It was such a gift.  

    

    Now, I would like to say that the rest of the day was amazing but it was still hard.  I still had to fight off thoughts.  I still had to flee from temptations that I so badly wanted to chase after.  The thing that remained consistent though was the knowledge that He heard me.  That he continues to hear me.  

    

    I hate going without sugar right now.  I hate that I can’t run to the cupboard and grab some of the sweets I just received from my dear friends Adam and Lindsey.  (I got an amazing care package the day I stopped sugar.)  My 21 days of no sugar will be up soon enough and I can go back to enjoying a sweet now and again, but the thing that I don’t ever want to change is the constant pursuit of truth and applying that truth to my heart.  I have spent many years indulging in the sweets of this world that have left me empty and unhealthy, I praise God that he is with me as I change this emotional diet for the mana he has provided in his word though the Holy Spirit. 

   

   As I am finishing this blog I am literally craving cookies, so I am going to go and have some popcorn.  Love you all so much.  Be brave…We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!