Living out here in this new house I am surrounded by nature. There is the beautiful lake down below. Various different bird. Loads of different flowers and plants that I am just learning about. It has been a time to be encouraged by Gods creation.
A couple weeks ago I was woken up by a bird sound that I hadn’t really heard before. Charlie jumped off the bed and started running around my room and whining. So I opened the curtains the blocked my bed from the rest of the room. Right there on my balcony was a beautiful bald eagle. I stood there for a moment in awe of what I was seeing and didn’t know if I should start reciting the pledge of allegiance or grab for my camera phone. I chose the later. I turned around a quickly but calmly as possible to grab the phone and turned around just to see it fly off the deck. So, I laid the phone down and opted to sing the all time favorite ‘Proud to be ‘merican’ instead. In all seriousness though, it was one of the coolest experiences.
I thought that would trump everything, but then something happened this morning that I feel was a little gift from the Father. I woke up this morning and was laying in bed. Thinking about my day and all that it has in store. I am starting a bible study with a young friend of mine and our first meeting is today. I am so excited to spend time with this guy and share with him all that the Lord has done for me and can do for him. In the midst of thinking on this I looked at a face book page of a former mentor of mine that has since lost his way. My heart was crushed when I looked through the posts.
Each post was another declaration of freedom from the very thing that I hold to as my salvation. Each word a justification for him leaving what he had even expressed to me to be truth. My heart ached as I read an article he posted about a respected leader who decided to have the same belief as he has on what is truth and what is a lie. What is freedom and what is bondage. Then the Lord spoke to me through a very unusual servant. I know I am an emotional guy and I look at the world through different lenses most of the time, but I feel like this gift was so beautiful. So much so that it brought me to tears.
I heard a rustling sound from the other side of the room, and of course Charlie went to investigate. I open my curtains to see him chasing around a little sparrow that has gotten into my room through the screen door and can’t find its way out. I quickly grab Charlie and put him in another room so I can focus on getting this bird out. At first I grab a pillow and try and trap it in one of the window boxes I have. Then I realize that the pillow is too big. Then I grab a shirt and realize that I can’t maneuver it right in order to get the bird. So I decide to try and use my hands. I calmly put my hands around the bird and it just sits there. It sits there trusting that I am going to take care of it. I move over to the screen door and walk it out to the edge of the balcony and let if fly out of my hands. I didn’t think much of it then other than the fact that I now have to fix a screen, but a bit later while talking to my mom I was telling her about it and it was as if the Lord smacked me with what he was trying to tell me through the little sparrow.
Mentors have a responsibility. They have a mission that is very important and very delicate. They hold a life in their hands. Now, it isn’t like a doctor holds a life, but it is the emotional life of a person. The influence can be used for good or for the determent. My mentor I spoke of earlier was used so mightily in so many peoples lives, my own included, and then decided to pull the rug out from under the truth that he has spoken so boldly. The respected leader of such an impact full and important mission that denied the truth in which they spoke did the same. It breaks me heart in both situations because they are wonderful men who have gifts and abilities that could lead so many to freedom and truth. As a result of their choices many delicate hearts have been wounded even more. Responsibility.
This tiny bird this morning, I feel, was Gods way of showing me how to be a mentor. ( I know this may sound weird, but hear me out) A mentor can’t just corner someone into a belief ( the pillow) and they can’t just fan truth in their direction and hope that it sticks (the shirt) they have to be real. The have to show themselves and the blessings and gifts the Lord as given them. They have to be able to speak truth from their own lives and be transparent. (the hands) When you strip away all the masks and facades you see the raw true person and that is a testament of freedom. That is the true testament of God’s grace and power.
In addition to that comes what I feel to be the most important. They have to be committed and focused on the truth in which they speak. Just like I had to put Charlie way, we have to push the things that distract us away so we can maintain focus on not only Christ, but those who we mentor or come in contact with. We have to remain focused as we walk through life with our brothers or sisters that the Lord places in our path. Focused so as to achieve the goal of Freedom! Freedom through Jesus, who for some reason saw fit to die for us. To save me from my sin and my shame. Focusing on that truth opens doors to true, abounding freedom. Just like I had to remain focused on this delicate bird in my hand as I walked it outside the cage that was my room, Jesus has done that for me. He has done that for me through his word. He has done that for me through amazing men and women who have remained focused on him and shared that focus and freedom with me.
So now this morning I sit in awe of a God who still speaks. Who spoke to me and reminded me how delicate he treats me as he continues to free me from my past and my sin, and how now he is sharing that responsibility and honor with me as I get to speak truth and love to my brother today, and also others that he might bring into my life in the future. All this spoken through a little sparrow. Thank you Jesus for knowing me, and for speaking to me in such beautiful ways.
‘I Sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free. For his eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.’
Monday, June 24, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
What to Remember
I just finished an amazing book called ‘The Cross Centered Life’ by C. J. Mahaney. I would highly recommend this book to any and everyone no matter where on your faith journey you might be. He just reminds the whole time of simple truths of the gospel that we often over look or neglect to make an every day part of our life. So so awesome. I feel like I just finished a week at a church retreat with an amazing speaker. One of those mountain top moments if you will.
I think I was so moved by this because it is exactly what the title says it is; Cross Centered. I think I live my life day to do thinking about what am I going to do. I think about stressors I might encounter or places I want to go….. Or don’t want to go. I think about my friends and family and how I want to spend time with them. I think about my future and how scary it can look sometimes. I think about changing careers and try and figure out what it is the Lord really wants me to do with my life. My thoughts flitter around from thing to thing. Worry to worry. Joy to joy and then I pause for a few moments now and again and realize, like I did today, that I desperately need a focus. Just like a runner has a goal. Or a series of goals along the path, we also need that same driving force; that same focus.
I believe that focus is Jesus. Just as Mr. Mahaney said in his book and just as Paul writes in almost every book he penned in the Bible, if we are truly focused on Jesus and the Cross, everything else will truly fall into place. It is the most important focal point we as Christians should have. The closer we cling to the cross, the more of an abiding relationship we have with Jesus. The more we abide in Christ the more our desires align with His. Our thoughts become more Christlike, because we are so Christ focused.
So all the worries of “Am I in God’s will for my life?” “Is this relationship one I should be in?” “Where do I go from here?” “Is this the Church I should be attending?“ They all become less pressing because our focus isn’t so much on what we need or want, it is focused on bringing Glory to our Father in Heaven. As a result, the worry disappears and we end up with Gods provision anyway, but without the stress we allow to rule our lives.
I think that is such a huge tool that Satan uses to distract us. The worry, the stress, the insecurity, the pride. All of it used to direct us away from the Cross and onto ourselves. My challenge from here on out is to make an intentional time every day where I remind myself of the Cross. I remind my self of the gift Jesus gave me and the grace the was so richly poured out over my life. Knox Chamblin writes “ Vital to Paul’s effectiveness as an apostle is that he never forgets his day as a persecutor…..An ongoing awareness of grace reminds Paul of the appalling sin from which he has been delivered; an ongoing awareness of sin keeps him dependent on grace.” I think this is true for all of us. I know it is for me. If we took a moment and thought about all that the Lord has done for us and redeemed us from, think of how great our reservoir of faith would be. If we remembered that every day, the freedom we could live in knowing that God is faithful. If that is not a reason to serve out heavenly father I don’t know what is. He has given us so much.
Anyway, I know this blog might be a little intense or full of buzz words and rambling, but the simple truth is enough to make it worth the read. Jesus is everything. He loves you. He died for you. If we focus on that, freedom is ours. Freedom from whatever you might be struggling with. Freedom from yourself. So embrace that freedom. Embrace the cross. Embrace Jesus.
I think I was so moved by this because it is exactly what the title says it is; Cross Centered. I think I live my life day to do thinking about what am I going to do. I think about stressors I might encounter or places I want to go….. Or don’t want to go. I think about my friends and family and how I want to spend time with them. I think about my future and how scary it can look sometimes. I think about changing careers and try and figure out what it is the Lord really wants me to do with my life. My thoughts flitter around from thing to thing. Worry to worry. Joy to joy and then I pause for a few moments now and again and realize, like I did today, that I desperately need a focus. Just like a runner has a goal. Or a series of goals along the path, we also need that same driving force; that same focus.
I believe that focus is Jesus. Just as Mr. Mahaney said in his book and just as Paul writes in almost every book he penned in the Bible, if we are truly focused on Jesus and the Cross, everything else will truly fall into place. It is the most important focal point we as Christians should have. The closer we cling to the cross, the more of an abiding relationship we have with Jesus. The more we abide in Christ the more our desires align with His. Our thoughts become more Christlike, because we are so Christ focused.
So all the worries of “Am I in God’s will for my life?” “Is this relationship one I should be in?” “Where do I go from here?” “Is this the Church I should be attending?“ They all become less pressing because our focus isn’t so much on what we need or want, it is focused on bringing Glory to our Father in Heaven. As a result, the worry disappears and we end up with Gods provision anyway, but without the stress we allow to rule our lives.
I think that is such a huge tool that Satan uses to distract us. The worry, the stress, the insecurity, the pride. All of it used to direct us away from the Cross and onto ourselves. My challenge from here on out is to make an intentional time every day where I remind myself of the Cross. I remind my self of the gift Jesus gave me and the grace the was so richly poured out over my life. Knox Chamblin writes “ Vital to Paul’s effectiveness as an apostle is that he never forgets his day as a persecutor…..An ongoing awareness of grace reminds Paul of the appalling sin from which he has been delivered; an ongoing awareness of sin keeps him dependent on grace.” I think this is true for all of us. I know it is for me. If we took a moment and thought about all that the Lord has done for us and redeemed us from, think of how great our reservoir of faith would be. If we remembered that every day, the freedom we could live in knowing that God is faithful. If that is not a reason to serve out heavenly father I don’t know what is. He has given us so much.
Anyway, I know this blog might be a little intense or full of buzz words and rambling, but the simple truth is enough to make it worth the read. Jesus is everything. He loves you. He died for you. If we focus on that, freedom is ours. Freedom from whatever you might be struggling with. Freedom from yourself. So embrace that freedom. Embrace the cross. Embrace Jesus.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
More Lessons I Learned From My Dog
My biggest thing I am trying to teach Charlie right now is to stay with me without a leash on. This allows for a greater opportunity for him to learn commands based on my voice and not a yank of his leash. Needless to say this has been a bit of trial and error. I have a treat in my hand and walk with it the entire time we are out. He knows the treat is there and that he wants it so he stays close. The test of how bad he wants the treat is if he stays in the midst of other stimulus. For example, were walking around one night and all of a sudden Charlie sprints away toward something. Next things I see running away is a cat. They sprint around the parking lot and I am calling Charlie’s name, but of course he has totally forgotten about the treat he wanted so badly before and has taken to the chase of a cat who will either scratch him or get away…leaving him either wounded, without the prize, or both. He chased the cat for what seemed like 30 min until finally the can climbed a tree and Charlie was left staring up at the one that got away.
I walk over to him and pet him a little and then break of part of the treat to remind him of what he can for sure have if he listens to his master. He gets back on track following me, but still looks back at the cat that is laughing at him for its safe perch on top of the tree. Eventually we are far enough away from the cat the he has moved on and is focused again totally on his original goal. This is aided by the verbal affirmation from me, his master.
I feel this is totally applicable to us in our Christian walk. We start this journey on fire and ready to go. We see the treat and we have a desire to attain it. So we stick close to the master and journey on , eyes focused and ears listening for the commands. Then we start to get distractions. Work, friends, insecurity, pride, greed, etc. Little by little our focus is drawn away from the master and the goal, and instead set our sights toward something entirely different and fleeting. Something that can leave us stranded where we never thought we would be. Something that leaves us wounded and looking for where to go next.
The great thing about this is that, just like me going to Charlie after, our Heavenly father is there for us. He reminds us that he loves us, he shows us a reminder of the joy of the goal he had originally set for us, and he affirms us as we start the journey back. Just like Charlie we look back, wondering if what we originally were chasing could still be in our grasp. Could still be something that would be better than what our master has. Our master gently affirms us though each time we pause, to keep going. To follow close. To only take his best because he k now what is truly best.
All of us at some point have chased a cat of temptation and realized only after we were exhausted and alone that we made the wrong choice. Our job is to listen, to obey, and to grow closer to the master as a result. Trusting all the while that He has what is best in his hands. Something that will leave us far more satisfied than anything else this world can offer us.
Thank you Father for the reminders of your grace and mercy in our lives. Thank you Lord for your Son who died for us so that we can have the best! A life with you! Let us be mindful of your prompting and trusting of your will for our lives and may it bring glory to you alone.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Hot Hot Hot
So, I decided to change things up a bit for this little blog post and tell you about a new thing I have been into for the past several months. Hot YOGA! I have never really been a huge fan of yoga. I have done regular yoga in the past because people in my past had done it, but it never really clicked with me. All the holding of poses and contortionism. It just was more painful than fun for me.
Well, several months ago my friend Janette invited me to go for a free hot yoga class. I was a bit skeptical at first, but decided to give it a go. My first class I had one towel and decided I wanted to wear a tank top in so as not to be distracted by my body not looking the way I want it to, silly I know, in any event I had not clue how much sweat would be pouring out of me. I reached down during one pose and squeezed my shirt and it was like turning a facet on. Then by the end of class there was a literal puddle underneath me. I could splash in the water on my mat. Haha. After that I decided to bring more towels and wear less clothing.
The other challenge to hot yoga is the shower situation after. At the conclusion of class the teacher is going through final calming words and ends the class with Namaste . Well, once that word is said I learned to quickly get up and sprint to the shower. I made a mistake one of the first times of taking my time and relaxing my way out, I ended up in a nudist colony that is the mens restroom. Most of the guys that go during the times I do are older gentlemen. I admire them being active and doing these classes that are really challenging. I don’t admire the fact that they seem to be totally ok with flaunting their wrinkled bits and pieces about for the world to see. They will even wait for a shower to open completely naked. No towel or anything. More power to them I guess, but for pete’s sake please cover up at least some of yourself. The mental pictures haunt my dreams!
Then comes the even more embarrassing moment when you realize you perhaps should have gone to the restroom before class started. Not to dive into potty humor here, but it is a real life issue that I feel my readers need to know. I can be a bit of a gaseous man. Well, if I am not proactive in releasing this pressure before class it will inevitably come out at some point during. This is especially precarious when you think that any gas release will become an atom bomb of destruction thanks to the extreme heat. I was in a child‘s pose and realized that some gas was going to need to be let go. I let what I felt was a little bit out. Next thing you know Im choking on my own stank. I am trying to not draw attention to myself and then I notice the people faces around me. Glances of disgust are thrown but surprisingly not at me, the source of their torment. They are all under the assumption that it is the older gentlemen next to me. I chuckle internally as I think to myself “ that’s payback for tormenting me with your nudity in the locker room!”.
The funny stories could go on and on. I think that is why I have enjoyed these classes so much. You just never know what you are going to experience. Aside from the awesome stretching and the relaxation you can achieve through class, you get to have a laugh at the quirky and unexpected events that will more than likely take place. So take a change and go to hot yoga my friends. If nothing else it will provide a good story to share with others.
Well, several months ago my friend Janette invited me to go for a free hot yoga class. I was a bit skeptical at first, but decided to give it a go. My first class I had one towel and decided I wanted to wear a tank top in so as not to be distracted by my body not looking the way I want it to, silly I know, in any event I had not clue how much sweat would be pouring out of me. I reached down during one pose and squeezed my shirt and it was like turning a facet on. Then by the end of class there was a literal puddle underneath me. I could splash in the water on my mat. Haha. After that I decided to bring more towels and wear less clothing.
The other challenge to hot yoga is the shower situation after. At the conclusion of class the teacher is going through final calming words and ends the class with Namaste . Well, once that word is said I learned to quickly get up and sprint to the shower. I made a mistake one of the first times of taking my time and relaxing my way out, I ended up in a nudist colony that is the mens restroom. Most of the guys that go during the times I do are older gentlemen. I admire them being active and doing these classes that are really challenging. I don’t admire the fact that they seem to be totally ok with flaunting their wrinkled bits and pieces about for the world to see. They will even wait for a shower to open completely naked. No towel or anything. More power to them I guess, but for pete’s sake please cover up at least some of yourself. The mental pictures haunt my dreams!
Then comes the even more embarrassing moment when you realize you perhaps should have gone to the restroom before class started. Not to dive into potty humor here, but it is a real life issue that I feel my readers need to know. I can be a bit of a gaseous man. Well, if I am not proactive in releasing this pressure before class it will inevitably come out at some point during. This is especially precarious when you think that any gas release will become an atom bomb of destruction thanks to the extreme heat. I was in a child‘s pose and realized that some gas was going to need to be let go. I let what I felt was a little bit out. Next thing you know Im choking on my own stank. I am trying to not draw attention to myself and then I notice the people faces around me. Glances of disgust are thrown but surprisingly not at me, the source of their torment. They are all under the assumption that it is the older gentlemen next to me. I chuckle internally as I think to myself “ that’s payback for tormenting me with your nudity in the locker room!”.
The funny stories could go on and on. I think that is why I have enjoyed these classes so much. You just never know what you are going to experience. Aside from the awesome stretching and the relaxation you can achieve through class, you get to have a laugh at the quirky and unexpected events that will more than likely take place. So take a change and go to hot yoga my friends. If nothing else it will provide a good story to share with others.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Realization of an Insecure Actor
I think when I blog I always want to have something deep to say or appear to have learned something amazing. Well, to night I am going to write a broken blog. I am not perfect and I am far from put together and it is only by the grace of God that I am able to do what I do.
It is off season right now for me which is the time for a performer in Branson where everything is shut down and you are out of work for a month or so depending on your job. During this down time you can either vacation or stay home and enjoy the lazy days. This year I decided, after debates and frustration, to stay home and relax. I started out making sure I started a steady routine of physical activity and time with friends I didn’t normally see. I took a little trip to see my friends in Arkansas and had a great time. Once the routine has started and I slowly faded into the mundane boredom that is off season when you are single and alone in an apartment. I have read 5 books and loved all of them, but I am tired of reading. I have worked out like crazy but I am bored with it and unmotivated. I have spent time with friends, but I also have to maintain a budget during this unemployed time. So, I started to watch my friends in rehearsals for Jekyll and Hyde for the local community theater.
Here in lies my recent frustration. Show people can be really rude. I don’t normally get an outside view of this because I am usually on the inside of the group, but my eyes have been opened. When doing a show you are in rehearsals a lot and working with the same people for hours upon hours. You build friendships that become like family and that is part of the reason I love theater because of the awesome friendships you build. Here is the flip side to this situation. If you are on the outside, you become invisible. Theater people are known for being some of the most accepting and loving people, but they are also known for being the most exclusive.
The past 2 night I have hung out with my friends that are some of the closest too me. I have known them since college. During dinner I was surrounded by several people that we don’t normally hang out with which is totally fine. Then I realize that I am completely out of the loop and conversation. So I try and chime in when appropriate. It seems like every time I do though I get the impression that it wasn’t my turn, or I was out of my element. I quickly realize that even though I have known some of these people for a long time, it is now Show World, and if you aren’t in it….you aren’t in the group.
Keep in mind this is totally innocent though because they don’t even realize it most of the time. I never really did until I experienced this other side. So this awesome group of people all working for the common goal of the show, gets so caught up in their own world they miss out on the other people around them that are actually their friends as well. I was talking to another friend about my frustration and she called me out for doing the same thing. I was floored, but challenged to make a change.
Each one of us has an opportunity to meet and interact with a myriad of different people on a daily basis. We have an impact on each of them for either the positive or the negative. We can either encourage growth and friendship or discourage through insecurity or lack of care. As I start to approach my own rehearsal period for this upcoming season I am challenged to open my eyes to the outside faces I come in contact with. Just because I am a part of a cast doesn’t mean I am to neglect the other people the Lord brings into my path during that time. In a book I recently finished called Chasing Daylight the author was challenging his readers to not miss out on divine moments. I feel this is applicable here. I don’t want to miss a divine moment with a new acquaintance or an old friend. I want to constantly be aware of those around me and more sensitive when I am in my comfort zone of those who might be out of there’s.
Now this might be the dumbest blog that I have ever written, but I believe there is some truth here. All of us need to open our eyes more. To look outside the blinders of our own circle and see others as more important then ourselves. We need to put aside selfishness more, of how many friends we have or what show we are in at the moment, and focus on making every interaction we have with the people we are around count. To take every opportunity to include rather than snub. To focus on quality rather than quantity. Stepping off my soap box now and ending my rant. Thanks for being patient readers with this silly…slightly insecure…blog. Feel free to comment on these blogs btw. I would love to be able to dialogue about some of these that I write.
It is off season right now for me which is the time for a performer in Branson where everything is shut down and you are out of work for a month or so depending on your job. During this down time you can either vacation or stay home and enjoy the lazy days. This year I decided, after debates and frustration, to stay home and relax. I started out making sure I started a steady routine of physical activity and time with friends I didn’t normally see. I took a little trip to see my friends in Arkansas and had a great time. Once the routine has started and I slowly faded into the mundane boredom that is off season when you are single and alone in an apartment. I have read 5 books and loved all of them, but I am tired of reading. I have worked out like crazy but I am bored with it and unmotivated. I have spent time with friends, but I also have to maintain a budget during this unemployed time. So, I started to watch my friends in rehearsals for Jekyll and Hyde for the local community theater.
Here in lies my recent frustration. Show people can be really rude. I don’t normally get an outside view of this because I am usually on the inside of the group, but my eyes have been opened. When doing a show you are in rehearsals a lot and working with the same people for hours upon hours. You build friendships that become like family and that is part of the reason I love theater because of the awesome friendships you build. Here is the flip side to this situation. If you are on the outside, you become invisible. Theater people are known for being some of the most accepting and loving people, but they are also known for being the most exclusive.
The past 2 night I have hung out with my friends that are some of the closest too me. I have known them since college. During dinner I was surrounded by several people that we don’t normally hang out with which is totally fine. Then I realize that I am completely out of the loop and conversation. So I try and chime in when appropriate. It seems like every time I do though I get the impression that it wasn’t my turn, or I was out of my element. I quickly realize that even though I have known some of these people for a long time, it is now Show World, and if you aren’t in it….you aren’t in the group.
Keep in mind this is totally innocent though because they don’t even realize it most of the time. I never really did until I experienced this other side. So this awesome group of people all working for the common goal of the show, gets so caught up in their own world they miss out on the other people around them that are actually their friends as well. I was talking to another friend about my frustration and she called me out for doing the same thing. I was floored, but challenged to make a change.
Each one of us has an opportunity to meet and interact with a myriad of different people on a daily basis. We have an impact on each of them for either the positive or the negative. We can either encourage growth and friendship or discourage through insecurity or lack of care. As I start to approach my own rehearsal period for this upcoming season I am challenged to open my eyes to the outside faces I come in contact with. Just because I am a part of a cast doesn’t mean I am to neglect the other people the Lord brings into my path during that time. In a book I recently finished called Chasing Daylight the author was challenging his readers to not miss out on divine moments. I feel this is applicable here. I don’t want to miss a divine moment with a new acquaintance or an old friend. I want to constantly be aware of those around me and more sensitive when I am in my comfort zone of those who might be out of there’s.
Now this might be the dumbest blog that I have ever written, but I believe there is some truth here. All of us need to open our eyes more. To look outside the blinders of our own circle and see others as more important then ourselves. We need to put aside selfishness more, of how many friends we have or what show we are in at the moment, and focus on making every interaction we have with the people we are around count. To take every opportunity to include rather than snub. To focus on quality rather than quantity. Stepping off my soap box now and ending my rant. Thanks for being patient readers with this silly…slightly insecure…blog. Feel free to comment on these blogs btw. I would love to be able to dialogue about some of these that I write.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Christmas Joy
I just got back from Kansas last night and the visit was just wonderful. Maybe one of the most fun visits Ive had there. My brother and I grew up with the family tradition of going over to Kansas for Christmas every year. We would have spaghetti dinner at my Great Grandparents house followed by presents from them on Christmas Eve. We would sit and talk and my Uncle Bill and I would play the piano. Then on Christmas day we would have a huge home cooked meal by all the women in the Wilson family and open gifts from everyone else at my Grandparents house. Their house was….and is….filled with every form of antique you could imagine. The tree even has antique bubble lights on it that my brother and I would flick in order to get the bubbles to work. Kind of hard to describe, but lets just say it was a vintage Christmas. It was a home filled with warmth and laughter. Yes, our family has its fair share of issues and drama but during that time…at least to my eyes growing up….those issues were put aside for Christmas.
My Great Grandparents eventually passed away and the traditions of our family were forced to change. Christmas became new, and the traditions that I clung to changed to new traditions….or attempted to. I don’t think I have experienced the full feeling of Christmas that I grew up feeling until this year. Not to say that the other times were bad, it just was missing the piece of the puzzle and the faces I was so use to seeing.
So this Christmas I was able to go with my parents back to Kansas. We spent a day with my moms side of the family and I got to hang out with my fun cousins. We played games and laughed a lot. Then went and had an impromptu ghost hunt at the Historic Leather Rock Hotel. Not necessarily Christmas activity but it was with family I don’t get to see often and we had a great time. We ended the night by watching the movie Psycho the old black and white version. The next day we went to Church with my Dads side of the family and spent the day eating and talking. There weren’t presents to open or anything like that, but just being around all of that family again at one time was so nice. To laugh and enjoy each others company and to share what is going on in each others lives is something I have missed. I flicked the lights on the old Christmas tree to get the bubbles to work, and it just felt like Christmas to me. Little things that growing up I didn’t even notice or appreciate, now take on a reminder of family and togetherness that I feel is so needed. I think what recent events in our nation and others can remind us of is that we are not guaranteed tomorrow and to cherish the family you have….warts and all. J
Today is Christmas Eve and as my mother starts preparing food for tomorrow and my day finishes up projects around the house I sit for a moment here in the old red chair from my Great Grandparents house and thank God for the blessings. I have a family who I love with all my heart and we have all been though our share of struggles and strife, but I am humbled with the support and care that we all have for each other. Care that continues to grow with times. Grandma, Grandpa, Lani, Pete, Laurie, Bill, John, Mary, Devin, Steffani, Logan, Guinevere, Terri, Mike, Matt, Megan, Michelle, Grandma Wells, Mom, Dad, Justin, Chealsie, and the two sweet pups Boogie and Charlie….I am proud to call each one of you my family and each one of you has had an impact on my life. I pray for a year of blessing ahead, a year of growth and learning, a year of giving and of encouraging one another.
Merry Christmas!
Double Trouble
Double Minded- wavering or undecided in mind.
I feel like for the past couple years I have been living the life of a double minded man. I make decisions and choices for one direction but then part of my mind holds on to the very things that I was making choices against. I have a mental tug o war with right and wrong. The cliché picture of angel on one shoulder and demon on the other is what I have felt like. The truth of the matter is that I am not alone, even though I feel like I am the only one who deals with this battle. I think the challenge to myself and others is to learn better focus.
Focus- a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity. A point at which rays of light, heat, or other radiation, meet after being refracted or reflected. The position of a viewed object or the adjustment of an optical device necessary to produce a clear image.
If there is no focus there is no direction. Things aren’t clear. An unfocused life is a life walking around in a fog grasping at something to fill a need at this time or that. Trying to make it all work but not knowing which direction to go next. You trick yourself after awhile to believe that you have it under control, but in reality you barely know where to place your next step. So what can we do. How do we find that focus.
Psalm 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
As a Christian man I have to make the choice to be guided by Gods word. As cliché as it sounds, it is the roadmap for our lives. It is the only thing that can bring focus to the double minded man that I am. The trap that I fall into often has been to go the direction that the Lord has for me but hold on to the “comfort” of the sin I know. Of the life that I know I can do, even though I know it is wrong for me and will lead to hurt.
I read in a book by Donald Miller about women who have been abused. Many of them choose to go back to the abuse because they know the outcome. They can deal with the hurt because they have already experienced it and lived through it. The fear they hold is the fear of the unknown. That unknown healthy life that they have yet to experience. I believe that is consistent with any person wrestling with wanting to make better choices for their lives. No matter what the addiction or abuse, you have to take the initial step to let go of the hurt and the old life and walk into the scary unknown of a new life. A life of being a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17.
James 1:8- He is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways
My desire for myself is to flee from this double minded life I have been living. To toss aside the baggage and move forward into the light and life the Lord has for me. Due to lack of focus I have been living in, I have allowed myself to be hurt and to then hurt people. For those in my life who have felt the effects of this I am truly sorry and pray for complete forgiveness and restoration. I guess the reason I write this blog is to ask for prayer and also to communicate this so that others might be encouraged to trust in the Lord and his faithfulness. It isn’t easy, and it is super scary, but I choose to believe that the outcome and the life it will bring forth in due time is far better than the alternative.
I feel like for the past couple years I have been living the life of a double minded man. I make decisions and choices for one direction but then part of my mind holds on to the very things that I was making choices against. I have a mental tug o war with right and wrong. The cliché picture of angel on one shoulder and demon on the other is what I have felt like. The truth of the matter is that I am not alone, even though I feel like I am the only one who deals with this battle. I think the challenge to myself and others is to learn better focus.
Focus- a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity. A point at which rays of light, heat, or other radiation, meet after being refracted or reflected. The position of a viewed object or the adjustment of an optical device necessary to produce a clear image.
If there is no focus there is no direction. Things aren’t clear. An unfocused life is a life walking around in a fog grasping at something to fill a need at this time or that. Trying to make it all work but not knowing which direction to go next. You trick yourself after awhile to believe that you have it under control, but in reality you barely know where to place your next step. So what can we do. How do we find that focus.
Psalm 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
As a Christian man I have to make the choice to be guided by Gods word. As cliché as it sounds, it is the roadmap for our lives. It is the only thing that can bring focus to the double minded man that I am. The trap that I fall into often has been to go the direction that the Lord has for me but hold on to the “comfort” of the sin I know. Of the life that I know I can do, even though I know it is wrong for me and will lead to hurt.
I read in a book by Donald Miller about women who have been abused. Many of them choose to go back to the abuse because they know the outcome. They can deal with the hurt because they have already experienced it and lived through it. The fear they hold is the fear of the unknown. That unknown healthy life that they have yet to experience. I believe that is consistent with any person wrestling with wanting to make better choices for their lives. No matter what the addiction or abuse, you have to take the initial step to let go of the hurt and the old life and walk into the scary unknown of a new life. A life of being a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17.
James 1:8- He is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways
My desire for myself is to flee from this double minded life I have been living. To toss aside the baggage and move forward into the light and life the Lord has for me. Due to lack of focus I have been living in, I have allowed myself to be hurt and to then hurt people. For those in my life who have felt the effects of this I am truly sorry and pray for complete forgiveness and restoration. I guess the reason I write this blog is to ask for prayer and also to communicate this so that others might be encouraged to trust in the Lord and his faithfulness. It isn’t easy, and it is super scary, but I choose to believe that the outcome and the life it will bring forth in due time is far better than the alternative.
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