Prayer

Prayer is something that is always evolving in my life. Always changing and growing and transitioning. I just finished a chapter in the bible study that I am doing with my love about prayer. It re-opened my eyes to how selfish I am in prayer. I am always saying give me, give me, give me. I often neglect the thought that this is me talking to my friend. This is communicating with a loved one, the most loved one in my life. So, why is it that I treat it less than any other friendship or relationship? Do I go up to my friends and constantly ask them for things? No. Do I call up my significant other and read off a list of requirements that I have for them? No. So why should I do that with my Lord?
Right now I am stressed out a bit. I am trying to figure out my next step with regards to a job. It feels like so many things tie into me getting a contract and I feel sometimes that if one thing doesn’t work out it will cause a domino effect in my life. I add so much pressure to a situation that is unnecessary. I know I am not in control of it, and that scares me even more. So, in this situation what do I pray for? Do I pray for a job? Do I pray that I get the exact contract that I want with the person I want? Or do I pray for God’s attitude in the situation? Do I pray that he will grant me peace that he is in control and allow me the blessing of seeing him move in my life? Obviously the latter prayers would be the healthiest, but also the hardest.
We are so hardwired growing up with a control mentality. We are the ones who get ourselves places. We are the ones who have to set things in motion in order for results to happen. We are in control of our destiny. Even in Christian homes we are taught this, but after all the trying to control our lives, we throw up a prayer asking for the things we are trying to control. We ask God to provide, but do we really expect him to? A lot of times, I act as though I don’t expect God to come through for me. In my situation now, my constant prayer is that the Lord would grow me in my trust in him. That he would make his love more real to me so that I will let go of control and allow him to truly move in my life. If I truly trust that God loves me that I can truly trust that he will take care of me and provide everything that I need. This is way way way easier said than done.
For the past week or so I have woken up almost every night with anxiety. I sit in bed for several hours trying to go back to sleep but the questions keep rolling through my head. What is next? Where will I go? What will become of me? So, just like anything that we struggle with I have to make the conscious effort to revert to what I know is truth. I know all the things listed above. That God has a plan for my life. That he loves me more than anything. That he is in control. That he faithful. That is merciful. That he forgives me. That he is just and holy. That he is everything. I am rocked back to sleep by truth. My back is being rubbed by God’s promises. My eyes can close knowing that I will wake up in the morning to a day planned out for me my the one who wants to transform me into my best. Into his best.
So, I will end this blog with a pray of my own. My friends out there that read this blog. Please pray for me. I would love and cherish your thoughts and prayers as I move into yet another transition time in my life.
Lord, I am anxious and unsure of the future. I am not sure which way to turn or where to go. I have a desire of what I want things to be, but I know that you have a plan that far surpasses my own. So Lord I ask that you please take my attitude. My attitude of fear and frustration, and transform it into an attitude of peace and submission to your will for my life. Lord please make you love real to me, and allow me to see glimpses of you moving in my life and others lives so that I can learn to trust your love for me more. I can’t control anything, no matter how hard I try Lord, so allow me the courage to lay down my burden of anxiety and rest in your peace. To rest in the assurance that you have a plan for me. That you will provide for me what I need, exactly when I need it. This is your life to mold and make, please allow me the patience to rest and believe that.