Tonight I have the amazing view outside my porthole of the brightest full moon I have ever seen. I looked outside and could have been tricked into believing that it was the sun if it hadn’t been dark outside. The reflection off of the ocean water is breathtaking. I shut off all the lights in my room and just sat on my bed, taking it all in. Breathing deep the amazing bit of God’s creation that he is sharing with me. I am yet again reminded that I not in control.
Sometimes we get fooled into thinking that when things go well, that we are in control. That we have something to do with it and if we continue, we will achieve great things. That is just not the case. I recently got offered a contract on another ship. This contract will go to the Western Caribbean to some amazing ports and then over to the Baltic. Truly an amazing contract and an answer to prayer. I received word of this contract and was jumping off the walls. I ran to tell my friends on the ship. They shared in my joy and enthusiasm and excitement. In my mind all my hard work had paid off. I had sent email after email to company after company and finally something happened! Yipee! I have a job. Then, I got a bit of reality punched into me. I am not in control.
No, the contract wasn’t taken away. I was though, reminded that just because you have plans and expectations of how a situation will turn out, doesn’t mean it is going to go your way. You still have to be patient and humble in everything. Realizing that I did nothing to deserve this opportunity. I did nothing to make it happen other than try my best to trust that the Lord would provide. Yea, I sent some emails, but the Lord was the one that came through.
God knows the desires of our heart. He know the path that he will lead us on. Sometimes that path will be alone. I have always had the blessing of being pushed out of my comfort zone, with some form of comfort there as a cushion. When I moved to Tennessee, I had been there before and at least knew the area and had one or two friends. When I came on the cruise ship I was in a totally different environment, but I had two of my good friends on board with me. This upcoming contract, I might be going at it all alone. It isn’t for sure yet, but I might not have any comfort zone in this situation other than the fact that I have worked on a ship in the past. When I realized this fact, among many others, I was reminded of that desperate dependence that I have on Christ. That need to have him near me at all times. During the Joyful celebrations, and the hard moments. If I do indeed go on yet another contract alone, and this time even more so, I have to remember, I am never really alone. No matter what trials, frustrations, or heartaches may come my way I have a great and might father and friend, who is right there with me through it all.
So, although the wind might have been taken out of my sails, I feel the faint, yet promising feeling, that they will be picking up again soon. My path is set, I am humbly approaching the wheel of my ship, and I get the opportunity to watch as the captain of my life steers me in the right direction
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