So, I decided to change things up a bit for this little blog post and tell you about a new thing I have been into for the past several months. Hot YOGA! I have never really been a huge fan of yoga. I have done regular yoga in the past because people in my past had done it, but it never really clicked with me. All the holding of poses and contortionism. It just was more painful than fun for me.
Well, several months ago my friend Janette invited me to go for a free hot yoga class. I was a bit skeptical at first, but decided to give it a go. My first class I had one towel and decided I wanted to wear a tank top in so as not to be distracted by my body not looking the way I want it to, silly I know, in any event I had not clue how much sweat would be pouring out of me. I reached down during one pose and squeezed my shirt and it was like turning a facet on. Then by the end of class there was a literal puddle underneath me. I could splash in the water on my mat. Haha. After that I decided to bring more towels and wear less clothing.
The other challenge to hot yoga is the shower situation after. At the conclusion of class the teacher is going through final calming words and ends the class with Namaste . Well, once that word is said I learned to quickly get up and sprint to the shower. I made a mistake one of the first times of taking my time and relaxing my way out, I ended up in a nudist colony that is the mens restroom. Most of the guys that go during the times I do are older gentlemen. I admire them being active and doing these classes that are really challenging. I don’t admire the fact that they seem to be totally ok with flaunting their wrinkled bits and pieces about for the world to see. They will even wait for a shower to open completely naked. No towel or anything. More power to them I guess, but for pete’s sake please cover up at least some of yourself. The mental pictures haunt my dreams!
Then comes the even more embarrassing moment when you realize you perhaps should have gone to the restroom before class started. Not to dive into potty humor here, but it is a real life issue that I feel my readers need to know. I can be a bit of a gaseous man. Well, if I am not proactive in releasing this pressure before class it will inevitably come out at some point during. This is especially precarious when you think that any gas release will become an atom bomb of destruction thanks to the extreme heat. I was in a child‘s pose and realized that some gas was going to need to be let go. I let what I felt was a little bit out. Next thing you know Im choking on my own stank. I am trying to not draw attention to myself and then I notice the people faces around me. Glances of disgust are thrown but surprisingly not at me, the source of their torment. They are all under the assumption that it is the older gentlemen next to me. I chuckle internally as I think to myself “ that’s payback for tormenting me with your nudity in the locker room!”.
The funny stories could go on and on. I think that is why I have enjoyed these classes so much. You just never know what you are going to experience. Aside from the awesome stretching and the relaxation you can achieve through class, you get to have a laugh at the quirky and unexpected events that will more than likely take place. So take a change and go to hot yoga my friends. If nothing else it will provide a good story to share with others.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Realization of an Insecure Actor
I think when I blog I always want to have something deep to say or appear to have learned something amazing. Well, to night I am going to write a broken blog. I am not perfect and I am far from put together and it is only by the grace of God that I am able to do what I do.
It is off season right now for me which is the time for a performer in Branson where everything is shut down and you are out of work for a month or so depending on your job. During this down time you can either vacation or stay home and enjoy the lazy days. This year I decided, after debates and frustration, to stay home and relax. I started out making sure I started a steady routine of physical activity and time with friends I didn’t normally see. I took a little trip to see my friends in Arkansas and had a great time. Once the routine has started and I slowly faded into the mundane boredom that is off season when you are single and alone in an apartment. I have read 5 books and loved all of them, but I am tired of reading. I have worked out like crazy but I am bored with it and unmotivated. I have spent time with friends, but I also have to maintain a budget during this unemployed time. So, I started to watch my friends in rehearsals for Jekyll and Hyde for the local community theater.
Here in lies my recent frustration. Show people can be really rude. I don’t normally get an outside view of this because I am usually on the inside of the group, but my eyes have been opened. When doing a show you are in rehearsals a lot and working with the same people for hours upon hours. You build friendships that become like family and that is part of the reason I love theater because of the awesome friendships you build. Here is the flip side to this situation. If you are on the outside, you become invisible. Theater people are known for being some of the most accepting and loving people, but they are also known for being the most exclusive.
The past 2 night I have hung out with my friends that are some of the closest too me. I have known them since college. During dinner I was surrounded by several people that we don’t normally hang out with which is totally fine. Then I realize that I am completely out of the loop and conversation. So I try and chime in when appropriate. It seems like every time I do though I get the impression that it wasn’t my turn, or I was out of my element. I quickly realize that even though I have known some of these people for a long time, it is now Show World, and if you aren’t in it….you aren’t in the group.
Keep in mind this is totally innocent though because they don’t even realize it most of the time. I never really did until I experienced this other side. So this awesome group of people all working for the common goal of the show, gets so caught up in their own world they miss out on the other people around them that are actually their friends as well. I was talking to another friend about my frustration and she called me out for doing the same thing. I was floored, but challenged to make a change.
Each one of us has an opportunity to meet and interact with a myriad of different people on a daily basis. We have an impact on each of them for either the positive or the negative. We can either encourage growth and friendship or discourage through insecurity or lack of care. As I start to approach my own rehearsal period for this upcoming season I am challenged to open my eyes to the outside faces I come in contact with. Just because I am a part of a cast doesn’t mean I am to neglect the other people the Lord brings into my path during that time. In a book I recently finished called Chasing Daylight the author was challenging his readers to not miss out on divine moments. I feel this is applicable here. I don’t want to miss a divine moment with a new acquaintance or an old friend. I want to constantly be aware of those around me and more sensitive when I am in my comfort zone of those who might be out of there’s.
Now this might be the dumbest blog that I have ever written, but I believe there is some truth here. All of us need to open our eyes more. To look outside the blinders of our own circle and see others as more important then ourselves. We need to put aside selfishness more, of how many friends we have or what show we are in at the moment, and focus on making every interaction we have with the people we are around count. To take every opportunity to include rather than snub. To focus on quality rather than quantity. Stepping off my soap box now and ending my rant. Thanks for being patient readers with this silly…slightly insecure…blog. Feel free to comment on these blogs btw. I would love to be able to dialogue about some of these that I write.
It is off season right now for me which is the time for a performer in Branson where everything is shut down and you are out of work for a month or so depending on your job. During this down time you can either vacation or stay home and enjoy the lazy days. This year I decided, after debates and frustration, to stay home and relax. I started out making sure I started a steady routine of physical activity and time with friends I didn’t normally see. I took a little trip to see my friends in Arkansas and had a great time. Once the routine has started and I slowly faded into the mundane boredom that is off season when you are single and alone in an apartment. I have read 5 books and loved all of them, but I am tired of reading. I have worked out like crazy but I am bored with it and unmotivated. I have spent time with friends, but I also have to maintain a budget during this unemployed time. So, I started to watch my friends in rehearsals for Jekyll and Hyde for the local community theater.
Here in lies my recent frustration. Show people can be really rude. I don’t normally get an outside view of this because I am usually on the inside of the group, but my eyes have been opened. When doing a show you are in rehearsals a lot and working with the same people for hours upon hours. You build friendships that become like family and that is part of the reason I love theater because of the awesome friendships you build. Here is the flip side to this situation. If you are on the outside, you become invisible. Theater people are known for being some of the most accepting and loving people, but they are also known for being the most exclusive.
The past 2 night I have hung out with my friends that are some of the closest too me. I have known them since college. During dinner I was surrounded by several people that we don’t normally hang out with which is totally fine. Then I realize that I am completely out of the loop and conversation. So I try and chime in when appropriate. It seems like every time I do though I get the impression that it wasn’t my turn, or I was out of my element. I quickly realize that even though I have known some of these people for a long time, it is now Show World, and if you aren’t in it….you aren’t in the group.
Keep in mind this is totally innocent though because they don’t even realize it most of the time. I never really did until I experienced this other side. So this awesome group of people all working for the common goal of the show, gets so caught up in their own world they miss out on the other people around them that are actually their friends as well. I was talking to another friend about my frustration and she called me out for doing the same thing. I was floored, but challenged to make a change.
Each one of us has an opportunity to meet and interact with a myriad of different people on a daily basis. We have an impact on each of them for either the positive or the negative. We can either encourage growth and friendship or discourage through insecurity or lack of care. As I start to approach my own rehearsal period for this upcoming season I am challenged to open my eyes to the outside faces I come in contact with. Just because I am a part of a cast doesn’t mean I am to neglect the other people the Lord brings into my path during that time. In a book I recently finished called Chasing Daylight the author was challenging his readers to not miss out on divine moments. I feel this is applicable here. I don’t want to miss a divine moment with a new acquaintance or an old friend. I want to constantly be aware of those around me and more sensitive when I am in my comfort zone of those who might be out of there’s.
Now this might be the dumbest blog that I have ever written, but I believe there is some truth here. All of us need to open our eyes more. To look outside the blinders of our own circle and see others as more important then ourselves. We need to put aside selfishness more, of how many friends we have or what show we are in at the moment, and focus on making every interaction we have with the people we are around count. To take every opportunity to include rather than snub. To focus on quality rather than quantity. Stepping off my soap box now and ending my rant. Thanks for being patient readers with this silly…slightly insecure…blog. Feel free to comment on these blogs btw. I would love to be able to dialogue about some of these that I write.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Christmas Joy
I just got back from Kansas last night and the visit was just wonderful. Maybe one of the most fun visits Ive had there. My brother and I grew up with the family tradition of going over to Kansas for Christmas every year. We would have spaghetti dinner at my Great Grandparents house followed by presents from them on Christmas Eve. We would sit and talk and my Uncle Bill and I would play the piano. Then on Christmas day we would have a huge home cooked meal by all the women in the Wilson family and open gifts from everyone else at my Grandparents house. Their house was….and is….filled with every form of antique you could imagine. The tree even has antique bubble lights on it that my brother and I would flick in order to get the bubbles to work. Kind of hard to describe, but lets just say it was a vintage Christmas. It was a home filled with warmth and laughter. Yes, our family has its fair share of issues and drama but during that time…at least to my eyes growing up….those issues were put aside for Christmas.
My Great Grandparents eventually passed away and the traditions of our family were forced to change. Christmas became new, and the traditions that I clung to changed to new traditions….or attempted to. I don’t think I have experienced the full feeling of Christmas that I grew up feeling until this year. Not to say that the other times were bad, it just was missing the piece of the puzzle and the faces I was so use to seeing.
So this Christmas I was able to go with my parents back to Kansas. We spent a day with my moms side of the family and I got to hang out with my fun cousins. We played games and laughed a lot. Then went and had an impromptu ghost hunt at the Historic Leather Rock Hotel. Not necessarily Christmas activity but it was with family I don’t get to see often and we had a great time. We ended the night by watching the movie Psycho the old black and white version. The next day we went to Church with my Dads side of the family and spent the day eating and talking. There weren’t presents to open or anything like that, but just being around all of that family again at one time was so nice. To laugh and enjoy each others company and to share what is going on in each others lives is something I have missed. I flicked the lights on the old Christmas tree to get the bubbles to work, and it just felt like Christmas to me. Little things that growing up I didn’t even notice or appreciate, now take on a reminder of family and togetherness that I feel is so needed. I think what recent events in our nation and others can remind us of is that we are not guaranteed tomorrow and to cherish the family you have….warts and all. J
Today is Christmas Eve and as my mother starts preparing food for tomorrow and my day finishes up projects around the house I sit for a moment here in the old red chair from my Great Grandparents house and thank God for the blessings. I have a family who I love with all my heart and we have all been though our share of struggles and strife, but I am humbled with the support and care that we all have for each other. Care that continues to grow with times. Grandma, Grandpa, Lani, Pete, Laurie, Bill, John, Mary, Devin, Steffani, Logan, Guinevere, Terri, Mike, Matt, Megan, Michelle, Grandma Wells, Mom, Dad, Justin, Chealsie, and the two sweet pups Boogie and Charlie….I am proud to call each one of you my family and each one of you has had an impact on my life. I pray for a year of blessing ahead, a year of growth and learning, a year of giving and of encouraging one another.
Merry Christmas!
Double Trouble
Double Minded- wavering or undecided in mind.
I feel like for the past couple years I have been living the life of a double minded man. I make decisions and choices for one direction but then part of my mind holds on to the very things that I was making choices against. I have a mental tug o war with right and wrong. The cliché picture of angel on one shoulder and demon on the other is what I have felt like. The truth of the matter is that I am not alone, even though I feel like I am the only one who deals with this battle. I think the challenge to myself and others is to learn better focus.
Focus- a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity. A point at which rays of light, heat, or other radiation, meet after being refracted or reflected. The position of a viewed object or the adjustment of an optical device necessary to produce a clear image.
If there is no focus there is no direction. Things aren’t clear. An unfocused life is a life walking around in a fog grasping at something to fill a need at this time or that. Trying to make it all work but not knowing which direction to go next. You trick yourself after awhile to believe that you have it under control, but in reality you barely know where to place your next step. So what can we do. How do we find that focus.
Psalm 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
As a Christian man I have to make the choice to be guided by Gods word. As cliché as it sounds, it is the roadmap for our lives. It is the only thing that can bring focus to the double minded man that I am. The trap that I fall into often has been to go the direction that the Lord has for me but hold on to the “comfort” of the sin I know. Of the life that I know I can do, even though I know it is wrong for me and will lead to hurt.
I read in a book by Donald Miller about women who have been abused. Many of them choose to go back to the abuse because they know the outcome. They can deal with the hurt because they have already experienced it and lived through it. The fear they hold is the fear of the unknown. That unknown healthy life that they have yet to experience. I believe that is consistent with any person wrestling with wanting to make better choices for their lives. No matter what the addiction or abuse, you have to take the initial step to let go of the hurt and the old life and walk into the scary unknown of a new life. A life of being a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17.
James 1:8- He is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways
My desire for myself is to flee from this double minded life I have been living. To toss aside the baggage and move forward into the light and life the Lord has for me. Due to lack of focus I have been living in, I have allowed myself to be hurt and to then hurt people. For those in my life who have felt the effects of this I am truly sorry and pray for complete forgiveness and restoration. I guess the reason I write this blog is to ask for prayer and also to communicate this so that others might be encouraged to trust in the Lord and his faithfulness. It isn’t easy, and it is super scary, but I choose to believe that the outcome and the life it will bring forth in due time is far better than the alternative.
I feel like for the past couple years I have been living the life of a double minded man. I make decisions and choices for one direction but then part of my mind holds on to the very things that I was making choices against. I have a mental tug o war with right and wrong. The cliché picture of angel on one shoulder and demon on the other is what I have felt like. The truth of the matter is that I am not alone, even though I feel like I am the only one who deals with this battle. I think the challenge to myself and others is to learn better focus.
Focus- a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity. A point at which rays of light, heat, or other radiation, meet after being refracted or reflected. The position of a viewed object or the adjustment of an optical device necessary to produce a clear image.
If there is no focus there is no direction. Things aren’t clear. An unfocused life is a life walking around in a fog grasping at something to fill a need at this time or that. Trying to make it all work but not knowing which direction to go next. You trick yourself after awhile to believe that you have it under control, but in reality you barely know where to place your next step. So what can we do. How do we find that focus.
Psalm 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
As a Christian man I have to make the choice to be guided by Gods word. As cliché as it sounds, it is the roadmap for our lives. It is the only thing that can bring focus to the double minded man that I am. The trap that I fall into often has been to go the direction that the Lord has for me but hold on to the “comfort” of the sin I know. Of the life that I know I can do, even though I know it is wrong for me and will lead to hurt.
I read in a book by Donald Miller about women who have been abused. Many of them choose to go back to the abuse because they know the outcome. They can deal with the hurt because they have already experienced it and lived through it. The fear they hold is the fear of the unknown. That unknown healthy life that they have yet to experience. I believe that is consistent with any person wrestling with wanting to make better choices for their lives. No matter what the addiction or abuse, you have to take the initial step to let go of the hurt and the old life and walk into the scary unknown of a new life. A life of being a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17.
James 1:8- He is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways
My desire for myself is to flee from this double minded life I have been living. To toss aside the baggage and move forward into the light and life the Lord has for me. Due to lack of focus I have been living in, I have allowed myself to be hurt and to then hurt people. For those in my life who have felt the effects of this I am truly sorry and pray for complete forgiveness and restoration. I guess the reason I write this blog is to ask for prayer and also to communicate this so that others might be encouraged to trust in the Lord and his faithfulness. It isn’t easy, and it is super scary, but I choose to believe that the outcome and the life it will bring forth in due time is far better than the alternative.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Irritating Jock Itch!
Well it has been awhile since I last blogged. I guess sometimes I feel like since I am just here in Branson there is not much to write about. Nothing exciting or new or that would keep any attention from my readers. Haha. So, although there might not be any travel in this blog now, I will try and be more proactive in writing. Its good for me…and it just might be encouraging to you.
So, I am learning how important relationships are. How they open your eyes to knowing who a person is and where they are coming from. How by allowing yourself to get to know someone you might not normally gel with, you can find things about them that might not only encourage you, they might actually allow a strong friendship to form. Who would have thought?
I think a lot of times we get so caught up in labels of people that we cut ourselves off from relationships that will challenge us and move us forward. I could surround myself with people who are just like me and that agree with everything that I say all the time. How boring would that be though? I have recently made friends with a jock…..who would have thought. My natural reaction is that I want nothing to do with that “meathead type”. Those guys that walk into a room and carry themselves with such “confidence” that it turns everyone against them. When those people walk in they normally press the button of insecurity in me. Which makes me not want to talk to them or allow them to get close to me.
That thought process just cuts me off from an opportunity to grow though. I don’t have to be best friends with that person, but I can take advantage of a growing opportunity to learn something. Why do they stir up insecurity in me? What can I do to change that? Can I find something about them to like? How can I relate to them? The scary thing about that is that I have to put myself out there in order to get to know them…..which puts me at risk……which is scary.
This season I have watched a group of guys all turn on one because of this very feeling. The cycle starts with a perception of what a person is like without really getting to know them. So then that grows. The dislike of who that person is….even though you have no clue. Then that person that is being ganged up on starts to feel the pressure which causes the walls to come up and the defenses to be readied. And it grows and grows until there is tension that is just waiting to ignite and a bomb about to go off…..and it will go off unless you defuse it and allow yourself to step outside of your own pride and insecurity and open yourself up to getting to know someone that you might not really like.
What can this accomplish? I makes you a better person!!! It allows you to learn how to better relate to people that are not like you, which allows you to impact more people and show them love that we are called to show them. It pushes you to look at yourself and see where insecurities lie that need to be dealt with in your own life. Which makes you a healthier person. So the benefits are endless!
My new friend the jock sometimes says things that trigger me Sometimes he acts a certain way that makes me want to get ticked off and tell him a thing or two. I have found that he has just as many insecurities as I do though. Sometimes I say things that trigger him….or make him frustrated at me. So, when we all step back….we are really all in the same boat. Learning and growing together. Why not encourage each other along the way? Build each other up for success, and not be out for mutual assured destruction. Show each other Jesus.
So, I am learning how important relationships are. How they open your eyes to knowing who a person is and where they are coming from. How by allowing yourself to get to know someone you might not normally gel with, you can find things about them that might not only encourage you, they might actually allow a strong friendship to form. Who would have thought?
I think a lot of times we get so caught up in labels of people that we cut ourselves off from relationships that will challenge us and move us forward. I could surround myself with people who are just like me and that agree with everything that I say all the time. How boring would that be though? I have recently made friends with a jock…..who would have thought. My natural reaction is that I want nothing to do with that “meathead type”. Those guys that walk into a room and carry themselves with such “confidence” that it turns everyone against them. When those people walk in they normally press the button of insecurity in me. Which makes me not want to talk to them or allow them to get close to me.
That thought process just cuts me off from an opportunity to grow though. I don’t have to be best friends with that person, but I can take advantage of a growing opportunity to learn something. Why do they stir up insecurity in me? What can I do to change that? Can I find something about them to like? How can I relate to them? The scary thing about that is that I have to put myself out there in order to get to know them…..which puts me at risk……which is scary.
This season I have watched a group of guys all turn on one because of this very feeling. The cycle starts with a perception of what a person is like without really getting to know them. So then that grows. The dislike of who that person is….even though you have no clue. Then that person that is being ganged up on starts to feel the pressure which causes the walls to come up and the defenses to be readied. And it grows and grows until there is tension that is just waiting to ignite and a bomb about to go off…..and it will go off unless you defuse it and allow yourself to step outside of your own pride and insecurity and open yourself up to getting to know someone that you might not really like.
What can this accomplish? I makes you a better person!!! It allows you to learn how to better relate to people that are not like you, which allows you to impact more people and show them love that we are called to show them. It pushes you to look at yourself and see where insecurities lie that need to be dealt with in your own life. Which makes you a healthier person. So the benefits are endless!
My new friend the jock sometimes says things that trigger me Sometimes he acts a certain way that makes me want to get ticked off and tell him a thing or two. I have found that he has just as many insecurities as I do though. Sometimes I say things that trigger him….or make him frustrated at me. So, when we all step back….we are really all in the same boat. Learning and growing together. Why not encourage each other along the way? Build each other up for success, and not be out for mutual assured destruction. Show each other Jesus.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Desires, Beliefs, Fears, and the Fight
So I just got done reading a chapter in a book by Dennis Jernigan and it kind of struck a chord of truth that seems to be repeated to me lately. Perhaps I should heed this lesson and apply it to my life? So, true to form I process though it on this little blog of mine.
I recently have been challenged with the fact that I desire to have a family of my own. I am constantly surrounded by married couples and many of them are having kids now. I know men don't have an internal clock like women do for having kids, but I just have the overwhelming desire at times to have that family. The wife and kids. For me it seems like an unreachable goal that I may never achieve. This leads to what the Lord has been speaking to me lately.
I have spent most of my life believing something about myself that is not true. Allowing myself to sit on the door step of failure and pretend that I am not deserving or capable of achieving the deep desires of my heart in the way I want them to be achieved. Believing these lies I allowed a pseudo fulfillment of those desires to come in which further pulled me into that false life I thought was truth. Below the level of my behavior was the level of my emotions, but still more basic was the level of my thinking. My sense of what was true was flawed. In my mind I believed that I was an unworthy person who deserved to be rejected. So I interpreted other people's behavior as a rejection....and therefor felt rejected by the people who I felt I needed affirmation from....and therefore made choices based on that rejection. Not sure if that made sense. I guess I realized a portion then, and am begining to more now, that healing could only begin in my life when I accepted the real truth. God Loves me no matter what. I have been rejected but never by Him. My identity and my value are all based on Him. Until I embrace the savior who breaths truth in my life that I desperatly need....I will never be healed and free.
I try and control my life so much and micromanage every detail so I know the outcome. I can't handle the thought of failing or not being put together at least in some shape or form. I am the ruler of my life and the ruler of my choices! So, I am at a point now where I have a choice and I am sure I will have to make this choice over and over. Will I get off the throne and allow God to change me.....or will I stay there and continue what I am attempting to destroy. Each time I take the throne back I am essentially saying that I have a better plan, which at this point I think is clear I don't. I also have to believe that if I let go of control that God's word is true. I can't be controlled by my emotions in seeing truth, I can't let my past contaminate the truth, I can't listening to any other voice but the voice of my heavenly father. I think it is only then that true healing and freedom can happen on that deep level.
So there in lies the challenge. Continually pouring truth into my mind and my actions. Allowing the Lord to speak truth into my heart and receiving it. I have been living in a state of stagnant belief that lacked passion and drive. The Lord knows my desire to have a family and I truly believe he will give that to me one day, but until then, I have the responsibility to actively gain God's perspective on who I am. I have the responsibility to seek out relationships that are pleasing to him. I have the responsibility to let go of the fear that I might fail at this new life and allow Him to take control of every aspect of it. Thats easy right? haha.
So, now I prayerfully begin this next step in my journey. This next layer of healing full of challenges and triumphs. This next adventure full of discovery. Please pray with me dear friends as I begin to face yet another set of giants in my life, pray for the stones that I can wield in order to slay the Goliaths of fear and insecurity that I have been hiding from.
And a special note to my Dad who will be reading this once it is posted on here. Thanks for allowing the Lord to speak through you even when it makes you uncomfortable. Thanks for showing Justin and I both what it looks like to be transformed by Jesus. We as a family have our differences and out own very strong emotions and opinions, but truth is truth and I thank you for speaking it into my life this week.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Random Thoughts Of An Insomniac
Well, It is 1:00 in the morning and insomnia has struck again! So, I decided to write a blog since it has been a little bit. Don't expect anything profound out of me at this hour. I am actually hoping that writing this will help lull me to sleep.
I just found out in the past 2 weeks that I have been officially cast for another season at Sight and Sound here in Branson. In the performing world to have steady work like this is kind of an anomaly and I have been blessed to never be without work for an extended period. I have friends in New York pounding pavement every day auditioning and have yet to work in this field. I have to remind myself of that when things get stagnant though. When doing the same show starts to get under my skin and being around the same people starts to wear on me. I am blessed with WORK! Doing what I LOVE and getting paid for it!
My issue right now is trying not to be pulled into the discontentment that can overtake a performer. That insatiable desire to have a bigger roll, a better paying gig, to travel the world. None of these things are bad, but when you lose the ability to be content where you are, no matter where that is, it can be distressing.
I miss traveling so much it hurts sometimes. I miss being able to explore and experience new things. I miss meeting new people and hearing their stories. I miss the excitement of it all. The ironic thing about it though, is that I felt so overwhelmed when I did have all of that. I felt like I was never stable and always worried about what would be next. For the first time in my performing career, I don't feel that. I feel stable and secure. I get paid well. I get challenged in different ways all the time. I am constantly learning. I am surrounded by friends and family who TRULY love me.
So, what does all this mean for me? I don't really know. The truth I know is this. I am here for a reason. I know that because no matter how discontent I might get at moments, I have a peace about being right here....right now. I have support that I have never had before....ever. I have intimate friendships that encourage and challenge. So, my responsibility in this is to take advantage of the time and opportunity I have here. To cherish it and not take it for granted.
Looking back at the choices I have made. At the relationships I have been in, and the jobs I have done. The overarching themes is that I took them for granted and missed the point. Weather it be because of jealousy of insecurity. Weather it be because of discontentment or guilt. I have. So now, standing till in the gypsy life that I have chosen, I have the opportunity to see these things through sober eyes and learn from them. To grow and become the Man God truly wants me to be, and That is worth everything.
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