Christmas Joy

Christmas is such a time for traditions.  Things that families do every year that become such a natural part of the way things are done during the holidays that is seems second nature.  This Christmas, for the first time in a long time, I feel like those traditions that I grew up on have happened once again. 
   I just got back from Kansas last night and the visit was just wonderful.  Maybe one of the most fun visits Ive had there.  My brother and I grew up with the family tradition of going over to Kansas for Christmas every year.  We would have spaghetti dinner at my Great Grandparents house followed by presents from them on Christmas Eve.  We would sit and talk and my Uncle Bill and I would play the piano.  Then on Christmas day we would have a huge home cooked meal by all the women in the Wilson family and open gifts from everyone else at my Grandparents house.  Their house was….and is….filled with every form of antique you could imagine.  The tree even has antique bubble lights on it that my brother and I would flick in order to get the bubbles to work.  Kind of hard to describe, but lets just say it was a vintage Christmas.  It was a home filled with warmth and laughter.  Yes, our family has its fair share of issues and drama but during that time…at least to my eyes growing up….those issues were put aside for Christmas. 
    My Great Grandparents eventually passed away and the traditions of our family were forced to change.  Christmas became new, and the traditions that I clung to changed to new traditions….or attempted to.  I don’t think I have experienced the full feeling of Christmas that I grew up feeling until this year.  Not to say that the other times were bad, it just was missing the piece of the puzzle and the faces I was so use to seeing. 
     So this Christmas I was able to go with my parents back to Kansas.  We spent a day with my moms side of the family and I got to hang out with my fun cousins.  We played games and laughed a lot.  Then went and had an impromptu ghost hunt at the Historic Leather Rock Hotel.  Not necessarily Christmas activity but it was with family I don’t get to see often and we had a great time. We ended the night by watching the movie Psycho the old black and white version.   The next day we went to Church with my Dads side of the family and spent the day eating and talking.  There weren’t presents to open or anything like that, but just being around all of that family again at one time was so nice.  To laugh and enjoy each others company and to share what is going on in each others lives is something I have missed.  I flicked the lights on the old Christmas tree to get the bubbles to work, and it just felt like Christmas to me.  Little things that growing up I didn’t even notice or appreciate, now take on a reminder of family and togetherness that I feel is so needed.  I think what recent events in our nation and others can remind us of is  that we are not guaranteed tomorrow and to cherish the family you have….warts and all.  J
      Today is Christmas Eve and as my mother starts preparing food for tomorrow and my day finishes up projects around the house I sit for a moment here in the old red chair from my Great Grandparents house and thank God for the blessings.  I have a family who I love with all my heart and we have all been though our share of struggles and strife, but I am humbled with the support and care that we all have for each other.  Care that continues to grow with times.   Grandma, Grandpa, Lani, Pete, Laurie, Bill, John, Mary, Devin, Steffani, Logan, Guinevere, Terri, Mike, Matt, Megan, Michelle, Grandma Wells,  Mom, Dad, Justin, Chealsie, and the two sweet pups Boogie and Charlie….I am proud to call each one of you my family and each one of you has had an impact on my life.  I pray for a year of blessing ahead, a year of growth and learning, a year of giving and  of encouraging one another. 
Merry Christmas!

Double Trouble

Double Minded- wavering or undecided in mind.
     I feel like for the past couple years I have been living the life of a double minded man.  I make decisions and choices for one direction but then part of my mind holds on to the very things that I was making choices against.  I have a mental tug o war with right and wrong.  The cliché picture of angel on one shoulder and demon on the other is what I have felt like.  The truth of the matter is that I am not alone, even though I feel like I am the only one who deals with this battle.   I think the challenge to myself and others is to learn better focus. 
   Focus- a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity.  A point at which rays of light, heat, or other radiation, meet after being refracted or reflected. The position of a viewed object or the adjustment of an optical device necessary to produce a clear image. 
      If there is no focus there is no direction.  Things aren’t clear.  An unfocused life is a life walking around in a fog grasping at something to fill a need at this time or that.  Trying to make it all work but not knowing which direction to go next.  You trick yourself after awhile to believe that you have it under control, but in reality you barely know where to place your next step.  So what can we do.  How do we find that focus. 
    Psalm 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
 As a Christian man I have to make the choice to be guided by Gods word.  As cliché as it sounds, it is the roadmap for our lives.  It is the only thing that can bring focus to the double minded man that I am.  The trap that I fall into often has been to go the direction that the Lord has for me but hold on to the “comfort” of the sin I know.  Of the life that I know I can do, even though I know it is wrong for me and will lead to hurt. 
   I read in a book by Donald Miller about women who have been abused.  Many of them choose to go back to the abuse because they know the outcome.  They can deal with the hurt because they have already experienced it and lived through it.  The fear they hold is the fear of the unknown.  That unknown healthy life that they have yet to experience.   I believe that is consistent with any person wrestling with wanting to make better choices for their lives.  No matter what the addiction or abuse, you have to take the initial step to let go of the hurt and the old life and walk into the scary unknown of a new life.  A life of being a new creation.  2 Corinthians 5:17.  
   James 1:8- He is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways
 My desire for myself is to flee from this double minded life I have been living.  To toss aside the baggage and move forward into the light and life the Lord has for me.  Due to lack of focus I have been living in, I have allowed myself to be hurt and to then hurt people.  For those in my life who have felt the effects of this I am truly sorry and pray for complete forgiveness and restoration.  I guess the reason I write this blog is to ask for prayer and also to communicate this so that others might be encouraged to trust in the Lord and his faithfulness.  It isn’t easy, and it is super scary, but I choose to believe that the outcome and the life it will bring forth in due time is far better than the alternative. 

Irritating Jock Itch!

Well it has been awhile since I last blogged.  I guess sometimes I feel like since I am just here in Branson there is not much to write about.  Nothing exciting or new or that would keep any attention from my readers.  Haha.  So, although there might not be any travel in this blog now, I will try and be more proactive in writing.  Its good for me…and it just might be encouraging to you. 
    So, I am learning how important relationships are.  How they open your eyes to knowing who a person is and where they are coming from.  How by allowing yourself to get to know someone you might not normally gel with, you can find things about them that might not only encourage you, they might actually allow a strong friendship to form.  Who would have thought? 
       I think a lot of times we get so caught up in labels of people that we cut ourselves off from relationships that will challenge us and move us forward.  I could surround myself with people who are just like me and that agree with everything that I say all the time.  How boring would that be though?  I have recently made friends with a jock…..who would have thought.  My natural reaction is that I want nothing to do with that “meathead type”.  Those guys that walk into a room and carry themselves with such “confidence” that it turns everyone against them.  When those people walk in they normally press the button of insecurity in me.  Which makes me not want to talk to them or allow them to get close to me. 
   That thought process just cuts me off from an opportunity to grow though.  I don’t have to be best friends with that person, but I can take advantage of a growing opportunity to learn something.  Why do they stir up insecurity in me?  What can I do to change that?  Can I find something about them to like?  How can I relate to them?  The scary thing about that is that I have to put myself  out there in order to get to know them…..which puts me at risk……which is scary.  
    This season I have watched a group of guys all turn on one because of this very feeling.  The cycle starts with a perception of what a person is like without really getting to know them.  So then that grows.  The dislike of who that person is….even though you have no clue.  Then that person that is being ganged up on starts to feel the pressure which causes the walls to come up and the defenses to be readied.  And it grows and grows until there is tension that is just waiting to ignite and a bomb about to go off…..and it will go off unless you defuse it and allow yourself to step outside of your own pride and insecurity and open yourself up to getting to know someone that you might not really like. 
      What can this accomplish?   I makes you a better person!!!   It allows you to learn how to better relate to people that are not like you, which allows you to impact more people and show them love that we are called to show them.  It pushes you to look at yourself and see where insecurities lie that need to be dealt with in your own life.  Which makes you a healthier person.  So the benefits are endless!
     My new friend the jock sometimes says things that trigger me  Sometimes he acts a certain way that makes me want to get ticked off and tell him a thing or two.  I have found that he has just as many insecurities as I do though.  Sometimes I say things that trigger him….or make him frustrated at me.  So, when we all step back….we are really all in the same boat.  Learning and growing together.  Why not encourage each other along the way?  Build each other up for success, and not be out for mutual assured destruction.  Show each other Jesus. 

Desires, Beliefs, Fears, and the Fight

So I just got done reading a chapter in a book  by Dennis Jernigan and it kind of struck a chord of truth that seems to be repeated to me lately.  Perhaps I should heed this lesson and apply it to my life?  So, true to form I process though it on this little blog of mine.  

    I recently have been challenged with the fact that I desire to have a family of my own.  I am constantly surrounded by married couples and many of them are having kids now.  I know men don't have an internal clock like women do for having kids, but I just have the overwhelming desire at times to have that family.  The wife and kids.  For me it seems like an unreachable goal that I may never achieve.  This leads to what the Lord has been speaking to me lately.  

    I have spent most of my life believing something about myself that is not true.  Allowing myself to sit on the door step of failure and pretend that I am not deserving or capable of achieving the deep desires of my heart in the way I want them to be achieved.  Believing these lies I allowed a pseudo fulfillment of those desires to come in which further pulled me into that false life I thought was truth.  Below the level of my behavior was the level of my emotions, but still more basic was the level of my thinking.  My sense of what was true was flawed.  In my mind I believed that I was an unworthy person who deserved to be rejected.  So I interpreted other people's behavior as a rejection....and therefor felt rejected by the people who I felt I needed affirmation from....and therefore made choices based on that rejection.  Not sure if that made sense.  I guess I  realized a portion then, and am begining to more now, that  healing could only begin in my life when I accepted the real truth.  God Loves me no matter what.  I have been rejected  but never by Him.  My identity and my value are all based on Him.  Until I embrace the savior who breaths truth in my life that I desperatly need....I will never be healed and free.  

   I try and control my life so much and micromanage every detail so I know the outcome.  I can't handle the thought of failing or not being put together at least in some shape or form.  I am the ruler of my life and the ruler of my choices!  So, I am at a point now where I have a choice and I am sure I will have to make this choice over and over.  Will I get off the throne and allow God to change me.....or will I stay there and continue what I am attempting to destroy.  Each time I take the throne back I am essentially saying  that I have a better plan, which at this point I think is clear I don't.  I also have to believe that if I let go of control that God's word is true. I can't be controlled by my emotions in seeing truth, I can't  let my past contaminate the truth, I can't listening to any other voice but the voice of my heavenly father. I think it is only then that true healing and freedom can happen on that deep level.  

   So there in lies the challenge. Continually pouring truth into my mind and my actions.  Allowing the Lord to speak truth into my heart and receiving it.  I have been living in a state of stagnant belief that lacked passion and drive.  The Lord knows my desire to have a family and I truly believe he will give that to me one day, but until then, I have the responsibility to actively gain God's perspective on who I am.  I have the responsibility to seek out relationships that are pleasing to him.  I have the responsibility to let go of the fear that I might fail at this new life and allow Him to take control of every aspect of it. Thats easy right?  haha.  

   So, now I prayerfully begin this next step in my journey.   This next layer of healing full of challenges and triumphs.  This next adventure full of discovery.  Please pray with me dear friends as I begin to face yet another set of giants in my life, pray for the stones that I can wield in order to slay the Goliaths of fear and insecurity that I have been hiding from.  

   And a special note to my Dad who will be reading this once it is posted on here.  Thanks for allowing the Lord to speak through you even when it makes you uncomfortable.  Thanks for showing Justin and I both what it looks like to be transformed by Jesus.  We as a family have our differences and out own very strong emotions and opinions, but truth is truth and I thank you for speaking it into my life this week. 

Random Thoughts Of An Insomniac

Well, It is 1:00 in the morning and insomnia has struck again!  So, I decided to write a blog since it has been a little bit.  Don't expect anything profound out of me at this hour.  I am actually hoping that writing this will help lull me to sleep.  

    I just found out in the past 2 weeks that I have been officially cast for another season at Sight and Sound here in Branson.  In the performing world to have steady work like this is kind of an anomaly and I have been blessed to never be without work for an extended period.  I have friends in New York pounding pavement every day auditioning and have yet to work in this field.  I have to remind myself of that when things get stagnant though.  When doing the same show starts to get under my skin and being around the same people starts to wear on me.  I am blessed with WORK!  Doing what I LOVE and getting paid for it!  

    My issue right now is trying not to be pulled into the discontentment that can overtake a performer. That insatiable desire to have a bigger roll, a better paying gig, to travel the world.  None of these things are bad, but when you lose the ability to be content where you are, no matter where that is, it can be distressing.  

    I miss traveling so much it hurts sometimes.  I miss being able to explore and experience new things.  I miss meeting new people and hearing their stories.  I miss the excitement of it all.  The ironic thing about it though, is that I felt so overwhelmed when I did have all of that.  I felt like I was never stable and always worried about what would be next.  For the first time in my performing career, I don't feel that.  I feel stable and secure.  I get paid well.  I get challenged in different ways all the time.  I am constantly learning.  I am surrounded by friends and family who TRULY love me.  

     So, what does all this mean for me?  I don't really know.  The truth I know is this.  I am here for a reason.  I know that because no matter how discontent I might get at moments, I have a peace about being right here....right now.  I have support that I have never had before....ever.  I have intimate friendships that encourage and challenge.  So, my responsibility in this is to take advantage of the time and opportunity I have here.  To cherish it and not take it for granted.  

   Looking back at the choices I have made.  At the relationships I have been in, and the jobs I have done.  The overarching themes is that I took them for granted and missed the point.  Weather it be because of jealousy of insecurity.  Weather it be because of discontentment or guilt. I have.  So now, standing till in the gypsy life that I have chosen, I have the opportunity to see these things through sober eyes and learn from them.  To grow and become the Man God truly wants me to be, and That is worth everything. 

You Can Fly, You Can Fly, You Can Fly!

    Peter Pan use to be one of my favorite Disney Characters.  He could fly, he was brave, he had lots of friends, but most importantly…..he never grew up.  He got to stay a kid forever and enjoy a carefree life (aside from Captain Hook and all).  I think sometimes I try and be Peter Pan in my own life.  I know I am getting older and I am totally ok with that, but I think sometimes the leadership that it entails sometimes scares me.
     This year has been a challenge for me in a different way.  Last year I seemed to be surrounded by awesome men of God who were always encouraging and speaking truth.  I could vent out my problems and they were able to give advice and wisdom that was not tainted by extreme emotions or personal bias.  This year many of those men are no longer prominent fixtures in my life.  Which leaves a void.  I am in a dressing room of men but the leaders we turned to for balance are not there any more.  So, what now?  I believe that is where the challenge lies.  We….I….cannot stay the follower forever.  I can’t sit back and rely on other people to speak truth to me and tell me who I am suppose to be or where I am suppose to go.  I can’t rely on other people to balance my emotions if I am having a rough day.  There is a calling to lead.  To grow up and embrace a role that frankly scares me. 
     Growing into a leader means more responsibility.  More people are looking to you just like I looked to those men who led in the past.  Am I good enough.  Will I have the right words to say to people.  Then there’s the kicker, how do I keep the emotions in check when I am encountered with situations that stir me to get upset or insecure.  I can’t do any of it, without Christ in me..  I believe that anything less than him working in and through is just a pseudo leadership. 
    All I know to do is soaking in truth daily.  Surrounding yourself with it so that you are continually reminded of who you are in Christ and who he desires you to be.  Reminded of what a true leader looks like through the example of Jesus.  If this is a constant part of your life, I believe change is inevitable.  I have a really hard time with this though.  So that is my prayer, that the Lord would strengthen and encourage along this path into leadership.  That he would direct and pour his truth and discernment into my heart so that my desires would be more in line with his, and that His glory would be more important than my own. 
    Although Peter Pan is awesome and flying around as a kid forever sounds super appealing, I don’t want to be left behind on this journey.  I don’t want to miss out on the joys of growing up and learning, and becoming a man; and man who can lead; a man after God’s own heart.    

Dream Weaver

    I have always been kind of skeptical about the Lord speaking through dreams.  Always seemed a bit charismatic for me.  The only dreams I ever experienced seemed like attacks.  They would always press buttons that opened up old wounds or created fear in me.  A couple days ago I was humbled by, what I feel is the Lord showing me that I have been a bit blind.  I received affirmation through a dream that I believe is crystal clear, and just what I needed at the time. 
     In my dream I was coming home from work and I walked into my apartment.  I sat my keys on the counter and then realized that everything in my home had been rearranged.  There were pictures turned sideways and in odd arrangements.  The furniture was placed in weird spots and nothing seemed comfortable to right.  I started to rearrange things back to normal, trying to get a grasp on why everything was moved.  Then I turn and sitting on my couch was a person from my past.  A relationship that ended and wounded my heart so deeply I thought I would never heal.  I stopped dead in my tracks. 
    This person proceeded to tell me that I shouldn’t change things back.  That they had moved everything around to the way it should be and I should feel at home here because it is what I like.  What I should like.  I listened to all the justifications of why things were moved and changed and all of a sudden I stopped them and yelled “ I don’t want to go back! This is what I like, this is who I am so please leave!”  And that is when I woke up.  Instead of waking up feeling defeated or upset I woke up empowered and affirmed.  I felt free.
    Although healing has happened since that relationship ruled my life,  it has been a continual battle to run from the life that I was living.   Doing whatever I wanted no matter who it hurt.  Hurting myself because of poor choices.  Running from the people….the God….who cares for me most.  I am a totally different person now.  In a totally different world than I was.  So this dream, was a declaration of freedom for me.  An affirmation that I am where I am suppose to be, striving to be the man I am suppose to be.  Obedience has set me free!
   So, from a skeptic of dreams to a believer in them I want to share this joy with my readers.  I feel like the Power of dreams is taken for granted and over looked too often.  I pray you too get to experience this awesome way that the Lord speaks to us; his children, and the freedom and direction it can bring. 

Boxes, Tape, and Memories

    As I slowly pack up my apartment and get ready to move into another I am reminded of this past year.  I feel like I am beating a dead horse talking about it, but it has been one of the biggest growing years for me ever.  I remember looking for an apartment last year wanting to get away from my family who was loving on me so well and were patient with me more than I deserved.  I wanted to get away because the Lord was working on me through them, and that is the last thing I wanted.  So I found my little one bedroom shack and I moved into a complete disaster.   The place was filthy.  They hadn’t cleaned anything really.  There was a huge stain on the carpet.  Fairly certain someone had died there.  Haha.  In any event I began cleaning my apartment as the Lord began cleaning my and healing my heart. 
    As I painted the walls my signature colors of blue and green (and for some reason I thought orange would be cool)  I saw a new life come into the place.  It started to brighten and take shape into  not a drab hole in the wall, but a place someone would actually live.  As I started at Sight and Sound  I got my own coat of pain there.  Covered by the love of the people there and the support that the have provided has given me new life.  
     No matter how hard I worked on the carpet I couldn’t get this massive stain out.  I vacuumed.  I shampooed.  I steamed.  Nothing would get it out.  So finally after doing everything I could, using so much effort, I had to give up and let someone who could get the stain out take over, and they did.  My carpet, although not new or completely fresh, was given a new start.  It no longer was marred by the stains of the past, it was clean and ready for the new owner, me.  The father I got into the year last year I realized that I couldn’t fix myself.  I couldn’t heal myself or make myself something else.  I had to hand myself back over to my heavenly father and let him clean off the stains and clean out the wounds that were so deep in my heart.  Im not perfect, the mistakes of my past were still made, and I will still continue to face the consequences/ after effects of them.  I have a new start though.  A chance to make the same mistakes again, or to continue this healing process that has brought life back to me. 
         After the paint was dry and the carpets cleaned I started to bring in furniture.  I moved in with very very little.  I didn’t have anything but a few rubber maid containers and a bed.  Then it seemed like everything came together.  I was given a wonderful chair from some friends.  Another friend came over with a kitchen table and some cookware.  I found another chair at work for free and was able to fix it up into something really nice.  My aunt gave me a wonderful set of dishes.   Another friend got me a coffee pot and grinder! (a must have for this coffee addict)  Another friend sold me his TV for mere pennies compared to what it was worth.  My sister in law painted me a painting for my kitchen.  The list could go on and on and on.  Next thing you know it I have a full house and everything I need.  It is amazing to me how the Lord has done the same thing in my heart.  He is so good at giving gifts.  Just like my friends provided so many things for me.  The Lord provided friendships that were essential for this new chapter in my life.  He provided a Church home.  He provided restoration with family and friends.  He provided opportunity after opportunity to grow.  He has provided everything I need and more. 
      So now, I am packing up all of these things.  Stacking up boxes in a corner and getting them ready to be taken to a new home and a new chapter.  The walls are blank except for the colored paint and there is no furniture to fill the floors.  Theses walls hold the memories of a year of growth.  A year of laughter and tears.  A year of learning to be content with where I am and who the Lord has me to be.  So, to the next owner of my little home here in downtown Branson, who will never read this blog, I pray your time here is just as peaceful and rejuvenating as it has been for me.  From window leaks to tornado damage, it has provided adventures and true rest despite all of it.  I will truly miss my little man cave, my sanctuary, my home. 

Dog Attack!

    So yesterday I was walking Charlie Dog and we were just enjoying a beautiful morning.  All of a sudden a dog from up the street comes barreling down the hill toward us and pounced on Charlie.  They fight for a little bit as I try and break it up without getting in the way.  I finally get Charlie up in my arms just in time for the other dog to sink its teeth into Charlie’s leg.  I kicked the other dog in the face and quickly try and get away while fending off more attacks from this stupid dog.  Charlie is bleeding and my adrenaline is running and I just start to cry.  Being so attached to my little dog I think it is just another lesson that the Lord is teaching me through this pup. 
      In our lives we are faced with predators all the time.  People, things, and situations that are ready to pounce and throw us off our original course.  Sinking their teeth into the truth that we know about ourselves in order to create pain and destruction.  One moment we are just enjoying our lives and focused and then from out of nowhere we are pounced on by sin.  This is kinda dramatic I know, but I like being able to visualize things.  Haha. 
      I see this true in my life so many times.  Allowing friendships to grow that shouldn’t be there.  Allowing them to lead me down paths of destruction.  Allowing myself to be in a relationship with a pseudo love that intoxicates me into changing everything about myself.  Allowing myself to believe an off hand comment from someone about who they think I am.  The wounds from theses attacks at all different but the reaction should always be the same.  Leaping into the fathers arms. 
      Just like I was trying to find an opportunity to get my precious pup away from the attacking mut, my heavenly father is waiting in those situations for me to throw out my hands so that he can scoop me up.  Dosen’t mean that their won’t still be wounds.  Dosent mean that on the way out you won’t be hurt more.  It dose mean that you will finally be safe.  You will have a father to tend your wounds and make sure you are ok.  You will have a father who will love you and remind you of that every moment.  You will have a father who would give his life for you.  Who has given his life for you. 
      Although my writing might not be the most eloquent or have the best grammar, I am thankful for the opportunity to share the reminders of truth the Lord gives me in my life.  I forget where I have come from so quickly.  I forget how much the Lord has brought me though and how much he will continue to see me through.  So these moments where he is gracious to remind, I am humbled.  The love I have for my dog dosent in any way shape or form compare to the love the Lord has for us.  Unconditional, overwhelming, indescribable love.  A love you can rest in.

Night of the Twister

So this past week Branson was hit with its first tornado ever. There have been floods and bad storms, but never anything like we experienced. I went to bed after a long day of rehearsals and dancing and was out for the count. The next thing I know I was jarred awake by shattered glass and my front door slamming open. Charlie dog ran into my room and I grabbed him quickly and ran into the bathroom where we huddled in the shower.
The sound that came was indescribable. They say it sounds like a freight train, but I don’t even think that covers it. This deafening noise came quickly and the walls all started to shake as the tornado passed by my house. It all happened so quickly I was in disbelief. I paused for a few moments after it passed and then got out of the bathroom to go and check on everything. I pushed away the glass so I could open get out of my door and looked out at my car which had a tree on top of it. It was still raining pretty hard at this point so I grabbed my jacket and put Charlie back in the bathroom while I went to survey the damage to my car and my neighbor Rachael’s The branches of the tree had formed an arch over my car causing the actual trunk to stop about 4 inches from my car. The only damage I had to it was a small crack in the windshield the size of a dollar. My friend Rachael’s car had no damage either.
The rain finally stopped and after texting and talking to several people to make sure they were ok, Rachel and I decided to take a walk downtown to check on Starbucks where she works downtown. Of course coffee was on the mind at a time like this. Lol. It was the most eerie sight. Debris everywhere, power was completely out. I saw furniture and toys and pieces of houses all over the place. Trees completely uprooted and tossed onto houses. Power poles snapped in two. The Hilton hotel downtown was eerily lit by the flashing emergence lights in all of its rooms. The windows had been shattered out of most of them. So see the area that I normally walk Charlie every day completely obliterated was baffling.
After the walk I went back home and tried to get some sleep before work the next day. Thankfully no one I worked with had too much damage. The tornado went about 22 miles and destroyed many businesses and homes in the area. I am so thankful that my house was spared.
After a week of hard work and long long hours from countless workers the town is getting back on its feet. Its amazing to me how much work has been done in such a short time. Yea, there are still lots of damages and places to clean up, but the town itself is fully functional again already.
Situations like this remind me of how small we are and how things can change at a moments notice. We are truly not in control and dependent on the one who is. I am so thankful for the protection provided to myself and all the other residents of this area. It could have been a lot worse! Blessed to be alive.

Mercy Thats New Every Morning

Fresh healing. It stinks sometimes, the old wounds open up to allow for there to be healing on a deeper level. I think that is where I am at right now. The past couple months has been interesting, Lots of challenges and pitfalls along the way and trying to keep my focus on Christ has been hard.
This off season was super boring because I really had no plans at all aside from the cruise. Which I just wrote about. After that was done my time was spent trying to establish a routine in order to not go crazy from having so much free time on my hands. In the midst of having to try and keep occupied in some way shape or form I felt like the Lord was removing stability that I felt I had in my life. People and things that I would run to. Relationship ending, Friendships ending (that needed to end), Family stuff, Prominent people in my life that I trusted ,and valued their advice and wisdom. All of there things were changing and rearranging. In addition I didn’t have a job to go to and have some form of purpose. The perfect storm for my life if you will. The right mix of ingredients that could break my spirit and will to fight.
In the middle of it all I felt like the Lord was continually prompting my heart to run to him. To seek him. To trust him. I have realized and continue to realize that I run to so many other things in order to make myself feel good about myself or where I am at. If I don’t have these stabilizing forces I fall apart. Not healthy! So thus began my journey to this deeper level of healing in my life. Last year was like the first layer of healing that was wonderful, and this year I feel like the more intimate layer is being taken on. To run to Christ when I feel lonely. To run to Christ when I feel insecure. To run to Christ when I don’t like my job or feel unfulfilled. Retraining my mind and reactions to seeking him instead of calling on other people and things to change my attitude or give me that confidence I seek. This is not and easy task, and has left me feeling kind of lost at moments. So, pray for me dear friends as I embark on this next chapter of growth and healing. The next chapter on the journey of faith I am on with my Lord and Savior.

Cruise Control

I have neglected this blog for too long! So I am going to back track a bit and catch up with what has happened in the past few months. So we shall start with the Cruise Trip experience. In January I went on a family cruise that ported out of Puerto Rico and continued its journey through the Caribbean. Beautiful islands and a really wonderful trip. There was some interesting events along the way, but all provided for growth and learning.
When we got to Puerto Rico we took a taxi into downtown San Juan. My brother had reserved a room at a hostel for us that was super close to the port. Little did we know that the day we arrived was the beginning of their version of Mardi Gras, called San Sabastian Festival. We took a taxi as far as we could and then walked about a quarter of a mile through crowded streets full of drunks and crazies! Keep in mind we have all of our luggage and are trying to find the place in general. If I were by myself this would be a different story, but to have the whole family with me it was a crazy experience. We finally made it safe and sound to the hostel which was probably one of the nicest ones I have ever gone to. The next morning we boarded the ship and took the adventure to some amazing islands. St. Martin, St. Lucia, St. Thomas, Barbados, St. Kitts. Each one with something new and interesting to do and see. Went snorkeling and saw some pretty fish. Actually achieved a tan in the process which is unheard of for this white boy.
Amidst all of the fun were some challenges. A year prior to going on this family vacation I was just getting off my ship and bringing an end to a tough chapter in my life. Lots of bad choices and mistakes. This past year was a year of amazing healing and I was so blessed. Getting back on a ship reminded me of all the fun things I remembered but also all the wounds that were there too. It made me miss an old unhealthy relationship. It made me miss traveling the world. It made me miss making buckets of money. Haha. Then came the challenge of just going on a trip with family. I love my family to death, but to spend an extended time with them can be a bit daunting. Especially considering we are a bit different in views sometimes. Through all the ups and downs on the trip I feel that amidst it all there was healing and new growth. Some wounds were re-opened, but because of that it allowed a new layer of healing.
If you ever have a chance to visit those beautiful islands I highly suggest you do it. They are truly enchanting and you cannot help but relax while there.