Prayer

Prayer is something that is always evolving in my life. Always changing and growing and transitioning. I just finished a chapter in the bible study that I am doing with my love about prayer. It re-opened my eyes to how selfish I am in prayer. I am always saying give me, give me, give me. I often neglect the thought that this is me talking to my friend. This is communicating with a loved one, the most loved one in my life. So, why is it that I treat it less than any other friendship or relationship? Do I go up to my friends and constantly ask them for things? No. Do I call up my significant other and read off a list of requirements that I have for them? No. So why should I do that with my Lord?
Right now I am stressed out a bit. I am trying to figure out my next step with regards to a job. It feels like so many things tie into me getting a contract and I feel sometimes that if one thing doesn’t work out it will cause a domino effect in my life. I add so much pressure to a situation that is unnecessary. I know I am not in control of it, and that scares me even more. So, in this situation what do I pray for? Do I pray for a job? Do I pray that I get the exact contract that I want with the person I want? Or do I pray for God’s attitude in the situation? Do I pray that he will grant me peace that he is in control and allow me the blessing of seeing him move in my life? Obviously the latter prayers would be the healthiest, but also the hardest.
We are so hardwired growing up with a control mentality. We are the ones who get ourselves places. We are the ones who have to set things in motion in order for results to happen. We are in control of our destiny. Even in Christian homes we are taught this, but after all the trying to control our lives, we throw up a prayer asking for the things we are trying to control. We ask God to provide, but do we really expect him to? A lot of times, I act as though I don’t expect God to come through for me. In my situation now, my constant prayer is that the Lord would grow me in my trust in him. That he would make his love more real to me so that I will let go of control and allow him to truly move in my life. If I truly trust that God loves me that I can truly trust that he will take care of me and provide everything that I need. This is way way way easier said than done.
For the past week or so I have woken up almost every night with anxiety. I sit in bed for several hours trying to go back to sleep but the questions keep rolling through my head. What is next? Where will I go? What will become of me? So, just like anything that we struggle with I have to make the conscious effort to revert to what I know is truth. I know all the things listed above. That God has a plan for my life. That he loves me more than anything. That he is in control. That he faithful. That is merciful. That he forgives me. That he is just and holy. That he is everything. I am rocked back to sleep by truth. My back is being rubbed by God’s promises. My eyes can close knowing that I will wake up in the morning to a day planned out for me my the one who wants to transform me into my best. Into his best.
So, I will end this blog with a pray of my own. My friends out there that read this blog. Please pray for me. I would love and cherish your thoughts and prayers as I move into yet another transition time in my life.
Lord, I am anxious and unsure of the future. I am not sure which way to turn or where to go. I have a desire of what I want things to be, but I know that you have a plan that far surpasses my own. So Lord I ask that you please take my attitude. My attitude of fear and frustration, and transform it into an attitude of peace and submission to your will for my life. Lord please make you love real to me, and allow me to see glimpses of you moving in my life and others lives so that I can learn to trust your love for me more. I can’t control anything, no matter how hard I try Lord, so allow me the courage to lay down my burden of anxiety and rest in your peace. To rest in the assurance that you have a plan for me. That you will provide for me what I need, exactly when I need it. This is your life to mold and make, please allow me the patience to rest and believe that.

Friendships vs. Acquaintances

Sea days are becoming the bane of my existence. Cabin fever use to just be a song I heard on one of the Muppet Movies but now it is becoming more and more real to me. It feels like you are trapped and this was enhanced a bit today because we were informed that due to passenger complaints on having to wait in lines and such, the crew would be punished and not allowed to eat in the buffet area. Which leaves most people the only option of the crew or staff mess. In other words, cafeteria food…..and worse that what we grew up with in school This does not inspire a lot of joy from the crew especially on a sea day. Not only can we not get off the ship, we can’t eat where we want. Oh ship life.
I have also found that no matter how busy you keep yourself and how many lists you make of things to do there will always be more down time than you can fill. This leads me to missing my love. I don’t want to beat a dead horse about feeling that way, but it is true. I wish I were back home with my friends and loved ones. I wish I could spend quality time with my love and not have to worry about scheduling out time. Those conveniences that I took for granted when I was there.
I had a great talk with one of the nurses on the ship, Donna. We talked about how lonely a ship can be. I am not the incredibly outgoing type. I like to have fun and I don’t mind being silly from time to time, but that is with friends. People I know and am comfortable with. Being in a new surrounding I usually find people that I connect with. Then I invest time with them and try and grow that friendship. If it continues then of course that friendship will grow. On this ship it is hard because you see the cliques that people form. Everyone has their group of people, or just one person, that they tend to spend most of their time with. Breaking into these cliques and establishing a real friendship requires a lot of work. It is almost harder than high school trying to make strong friendships. Being surrounded by performers everyone is pretty good at putting on a nice smile and being friendly. Networking is part of our job, we are designed to interact with people. That makes it difficult, in some cases, to see what it someone really taking an interest in friendship and someone just getting close enough to you so that they can use you later. That is kind of a harsh way of putting it, but in reality that is what we do as performers. It isn’t so much about what you do, it is about who you know.
When did the word friend become so blasé that we throw it around to any new person that came into our lives. How is it honest to say , “Oh, my friend Tamika was in that show, she is great. Do you think you could give me a contact?” but in reality you have only maybe had 2 real conversations with that person. Is that really grounds for crossing over the line from acquaintance to friend?
I guess that means we need to know what the definition of friend is. According to the dictionary a friend is:
Have we settled is this day and age for shallow friendship that only satisfy for the moment. Have we lost the drive to really get to know people, to be transparent with people and learn what there heart is like, to truly fellowship with someone? Are we missing the boat?…..no pun intended. I think in some ways we are.
Thinking back on conversations with my great-grandparents and older people I admire I remember when they talk about their friends. These people were more like family to them. They knew these people. They invested in these people. They had a connection deeper that any acquaintance could offer. I remember my Great Grandma talking about one of her dear friends, Dawn I think was her name, and tears came to her eyes just talking about the good times they had together. She ended her conversation about Dawn saying that “She was like my sister.”
Quality over quantity. Every person is different and some people are able to balance more friendships. Those people I do keep up with are my true friends though. People that know me really well. They know the good and the bad. They have been there through it all. These people I consider my family. My brothers and sisters.
My challenge coming on this ship was to put myself out there more. To be open to new friendships and to not be so guarded. I am so glad that I am learning to be more open to people. That is a freeing thing for me. I still crave those true friendships though. Those people that you connect with, that get you. Those people that respect and love you and you respect and love them. I think the deeper lesson for me on this ship is that my true friendship that will always be there is with the Lord. That is very much a Sunday school answer, but it is true. On this ship the Lord placed the type of relationships I needed to grow me and to challenge me. He had a plan for my time here. I have been blessed with great deep close friendships at home and I have a couple close friends on the ship. This contract was not designed, I guess, for me to build more deep friendships. It was designed for me to reconnect with my best friend and my truly forever friend, Christ. So that being said. Does that excuse me from putting myself out there still? No. I think aside from reconnecting with Christ and I am learning that I can love on people and be real with people even if I am not super close with them. They do not have to be my close friend for me to share Christ’s love with them. I can still ask them about their lives. I can still laugh with them and enjoy their company. Even if it doesn’t get too deep.
I have always had the irrational fear of being left. Of being abandon and not having anything. I think this fear carries over to friendships. I guard myself and desire only deep friendships because I don’t like feeling disposable. With my close friends there is a lot invested in our friendships and it is not something that can be thrown away lightly. With acquaintances, I will almost always get left. Not that it is in any way maliciously, that is just what happens with people going in all different directions. They are in your life for a season and then move on. God had a plan for that brief moment and you have to leave it at that.
All this rambling to say, although I feel lonely a lot here. I am learning each day that no matter what, at the end of my day I can rest in the arms of my savior. I can lean on him and know that he is there always and forever and nothing will change that. I have the deepest most intimate relationship with him and that is enough, when I truly take advantage of it, to supply all my needs. That is the truest friendship I will ever experience.

Days of our Birth

So, yesterday was my brother’s birthday and also my love’s birthday. Birthdays are such a weird celebration. For some they are just another day. For others it is a big celebration that must be celebrated with fireworks and fanfare. Then there is a middle group of people who don’t care either way. I think most of these are slightly determined by either you age and or gender. In any event, I usually land in the middle group. Some birthdays I think deserve a bit of excitement and others I would just rather keep low key. No matter what though, I think on birthdays you are meant to be surround by friends or family. To be around the people who love you and care for you. It is a nice reminder once a year that people are glad that you are alive and because you are alive you have impacted their lives.
I am use to being away from my brother on his birthday. His is one of the only birthdays in my family that I actually remember. I will usually call and sing a soothing rendition of happy birthday for him which he loves. Haha. Then if I am in town we might go to dinner or something as a family. I am use to, at this point, not being around though. He knows I love him and how much I appreciate him and that is that. We have never been the most sentimental of brothers, although I wish we were sometimes.
Being away from my love yesterday was a bit hard. To be able to celebrate and spoil that special someone on their special day is something that I love to do. To spend that quality time with them and remind them over and over how much you care for them is something I missed out on doing. Of course I did all of those things from afar, but it just wasn’t the same for me, and my heart was heavy a little. This whole long distance thing is always a challenge in some way. I am so proud of my relationship and how God has really blessed and maintained it while we have been apart. There are just little times like birthdays, or parties, or gathering of friends that you wish you could be a part of with them. To be there having fun with them again and enjoying just Being there. Around the person. In the same place. Being able to glance across a crowded room, and be talking to totally different groups or people, and shoot a wink to your other half. Little things like that, that fill your heart. At least mine anyway. These are things that I am looking so forward to when I get home. To be able to enjoy those little moments that we take for granted.
Today was a quite day for me. I walked around Sydney, Nova Scotia and had a lot of time to think. Days like this are great sometimes, and other times they are hard. Today was kind of a mix. I enjoyed the simplicity of my day and the town that I was in. It kind of just slowed me down a bit and allowed me to breath and remember to take time and enjoy where I am at right now, and not get to far ahead me myself. On the other end of things it was one of those days that I wish I could have been exploring with my bestie. We made the most out of even a silly town like Pigeon Forge, and had fun exploring and enjoying the better things the area had to offer. So, when I am walking, especially on my own, I think about how much fun it would be, to be doing this with my love. Exploring a place that neither of us has been and enjoying the history, food, and culture of the city we are in.
In order to put myself in perspective, and not get too wrapped up in the Debbie downer part of my day, I made a note of how long I have left in my contract. 6 more weeks after this one. That’s it. Then I am done and back on land. Able to drive my car, be with friend, celebrate the holidays with loved ones. 6 weeks. That is no time at all. Of course once I reach that point there will be a whole other set of things to deal with, but for now. I will rest in the fact that I am done soon. I can enjoy my time and trust that the Lord will finish up all the loose ends that are out there right now. I can also rejoice in the fact that I once said I would never do long distance and kicked and screamed that I couldn’t do it, and now look at where we are. 4 months apart, and I feel like I love, and am more at peace with my relationship than ever. I feel like we both have grown and matured. I feel like we both realized some things we were taking for granted. I feel like we are even better at communicating than we already were. I feel good. J
So, in saying these things, I am blessed because my love was born. I have been touched because of that life coming into this world and the Lord is using that to grow me and teach me. I am so thankful for you my love. Happy Birthday, and hopefully next year I can have the blessing of celebrating it with you again.

Alone, but not Lonely

Today was a good day. A day that was much needed for my heart and my head. I spent the majority of my day completely by myself. I explored, I took an adventure, I tasted great food, and I barely touched my phone. This may not seem like a big deal, but to me, being alone can be one of the hardest things ever.
I woke up this morning and hit the snooze button about 3 times not wanting to start my day. After the third and final time I pressed the button, I sat up in bed and said to myself. ‘Today is the day you go at it alone. You reclaim some independence and free yourself from codependency.’ A pretty lofty statement for that early in the morning but I needed a kick in the pants and a change of attitude.
I gathered my things together. Put on my warmest jacket and headed out into Quebec City. It was a chilly morning. I stepped outside at about 9:00AM and could see my breath. There was a line of old people waiting for the shuttle from the port into the city. I stood there for a moment and then decided I could use a nice walk and made my way on foot. I didn’t really know where I was going, all I knew is that my final destination was on the other side of some water and at the top of a hill where the fortress in Quebec City stands overlooking everything. So, I walked. I thought about what I needed to do today, I prayed, I thought about how much I missed my love, and just as I started to feel sorry for myself I saw it. A quaint little café at the very very bottom of the hill underneath the fortress. The smell alone was enough to beckon people passing by to come in. It was the most picturesque little French style café and I decided it would be my first stop on my alone day. I went inside, grabbed a coffee and a pastry and sat at a table by myself. I didn’t pull out my computer to get connected to the world. I didn’t pull out my phone and call/text people who I wanted to talk to. I just sat there. I enjoyed my coffee and croissant. I watched the people walking on the brick streets out side. I took in the sights and sounds as other shops were beginning to open and the streets were becoming more filled with people going to their various destinations. I sat there, alone, and enjoyed it.
After that I continued my walk up toward the fortress. I stopped to take pictures of various statues and building that I thought were nice. I listened in on some of the tour groups that were stopped by historical buildings. Then I grabbed a couple birthday cards, one for my brother and the other for my love, and headed to a nearby park to fill them out. After finishing that up I took them to the post office where I met a very sweet old lady who was literally half my size. She reminded me of my Grandma DeLaPorte. She decided that I seemed safe enough and started to talk to me. The only problem was that she only spoke French. I expressed to her the best way I knew how that I couldn’t really understand her, but she kept talking, but added more hand motions which helped me understand her more. It reminded me of college and going into Lisbon, Portugal or Cameroon, Africa and communicating with people without really saying anything. To enjoy a conversation or interaction without even saying a word is really a cool experience. I finished sending off my packages and said goodbye to my knew friend. She flashed me a huge smile and I left with one of my own as I headed to explore some more.
I finally got to the fortress and walked along the edge that overlooks the city. The trees have started changing and I took in the yellows, reds, and oranges that lit them up so vibrantly. The sun was out more and burned off some of the overcast. Like a curtain being pulled back and the show of this beautiful day was about to start. I had walked to the end of the path and just sat there and let the sun warm me up a bit. I was getting a little hungry again so I grabbed a quick snack and then went to another park by the Government building in the center of the city. I sat there and read a book for about an hour while sparrows were bouncing around me trying to find little bits of food. I hummed “His Eye Is On the Sparrow” to myself and laughed a little at how fun it is when you open your eyes to when God is talking to you. As my last blog stated I am a little overwhelmed with some worries and fears that I have. I am in the process of learning to let go and communicate with God more about these worries and fears. Seeing these sparrows and recalling that song was just a bit of comfort for my heart. A little pat on the back from my Heavenly Father reminding me that I would be ok. I love physical touch, so even the thought within that though is a comfort to me. I think sometimes I don’t take advantage of the quite moments anymore. I run away from them because they make me lonely. Today, I remember how sweet those moments really are and wondered why I had let them slip away.
The rest of my day included a few more shops. I ran into some friends from my ship and talked with them for a bit and then made my way back to my home away from home. Reflecting on this day I can’t even express how wonderful it was for me. I think you could ask most people that I grew up with or went to college with and they would tell you that I am a really independent person. I use to enjoy going where I wanted to go, when I wanted to go there. Where my stubbornness has not left me for getting what I want, I think some of my independence I have allowed to be let go. I allowed my friendships to define me more and I started to rely on them more for my significance rather than knowing who I really am and who I am suppose to be. I got too caught up in the people pleasing and it became a drug to where if I was not around people getting that affirmation or acceptance I was a mess. I think this ship is kind of like rehab for me. I don’t have all my close friends here. I don’t have my love here. I have a couple great friends to give me a bit of human support and then I have my Lord. I have time with myself, and with that alone time I have the opportunity to become more ok with this amazing man that I am. That might sound conceded, but I assure you, it is a statement made out of totally humility.
Today I spent the whole day alone. Walked the streets alone. I ate alone. I read alone. I took pictures alone. I maybe spoke 50 words the first half of my day. I was alone, but for the first time in a long time, I felt ok with it.

Patience, Trust, and Compromise

So, it seems that the recent theme in my life is compromise. When out with friends the questions arise, Where should we eat? What shop do you want to go in? How long do you want to spend here? Who do you want to spend time with? How much time do you want to spend with them? In relationships its, What time is best to talk? What do you need? Can you do this? Can I do that? How does this make you feel? Etc. Etc. Compromise. The give and the take. The yen and yang of anything. Two opposite sides coming together to make a balance. My question that was so well put by my friend Carrie Bradshaw is, When does compromising become…..well, compromising?
When do you reach your limit? When is the pressure to change and adjust so much that you decide to pull your hair out and join the rest of the Vontrapp family as they run away across the Austrian Alps? I think in any friendship or relationship it is sometimes hard to see the other side. To see the changes made in the other persons life to cater to your needs more. I think sometimes, at least for me, I see all that I am changing and all that I am trying to do to make the people in my life happy, that I get frustrated when I don’t see the same change or accommodation on their end. If only my eyes could be opened wide to what others do for me. I wouldn’t be such a selfish jerk sometimes. I would appreciate people more, and on the flip side realize that limit. The moment when you see that you are alone in it, and nothing you can do will change it.
I am a very passionate person. When I commit to something or someone, I am in it. I will do anything to make sure that the task is finished or the relationship/ friendship will work. In some ways this is a great trait to have. In others it is awful. It is one of those things that I mentioned in a previous blog about creating your own suffering. I allow myself to get so caught up in pleasing everyone or working myself to death to have a good product that I end up stressed out and overwhelmed. I carry a weight that I shouldn’t be carrying. The scary thing is that I will carry it until I eventually break down and all that I was carrying is scattered on the floor and I am left with nothing. All for the sake of compromise. If that is compromise then why is it so heavy? Why does it hurt so much? Why does it leave me feeling alone? Is it because I am allowing myself to feel that way?
I just finished a chapter in my Bible study about how we are to respond to difficult circumstances. What do you do when faced with hard things like compromises we don’t really want to make? The first step according to this book is to check your attitude. What is the core feeling that you are having and the attitude behind it? Is this weight simply out of insecurity or is it a valid frustration or concern? The thing with all compromise is that you have to not only deal with adjusting with that compromise, you have to deal with her ugly sister patience. What a wonderful and awful virtue to learn and practice. Patience that God has a plan. Patience that things will get better. Patience that you will be ok. Patience that people can change.
Right now it is 2:30 AM and I am sitting awake because I am trying to be patient. I am trying to compromise and realize that it is healthy and will make things happier in the long run. Weather that be compromising and doing added shows or events that I don’t feel like doing on the ship, or relationship compromises about how much we talk and what is acceptable and not in that relationship. Why can’t this be easier for my head and my heart to process? How do you let go? I think it all goes back to trust. I have found when learning a lesson you are not just picking up one character trait, you are being faced with many. Compromise, Patience, Trust. All of these are big things to learn , and things that we all face at various points in our lives. Right now for me I am trying to trust that the Lord has a plan for me. A perfect plan, and that he will provide exactly what I need, when I need it. I am learning Patience in doing things in many many areas of my life that I don’t feel comfortable with. That leads to the Compromise part of it. Adjusting and learning and growing being ok with change and going back to trusting that it will work out according to God’s plan.
I think when we were younger we were naive to the fact that we were learning these things. The older we got the more control we wanted to have and thus these lessons became harder to learn and harder to face. Our childlike faith and trust got tainted and jaded by the world. So, how do you get that back. How do we learn to trust and let go when we have been let down so many times? How do we learn to be truly patient when that patience has ended in hurt? How do we let go of our pride and compromise when we have done that in the past and been stabbed in the back because of it?
There is no other answer that I know of but to just do it. To take that leap and know, in your heart, that things will truly be ok. On my end of things right now, I know I am truly blessed. I have a great job that I enjoy. I have the best friends in all the world. I have a wonderful love that is supportive and caring and is there for me. I have a God who never never never will leave me. If I truly accept these blessing in my life. If I truly allow myself to take the wonderful gifts that I have been given in friends, love, heavenly father, and family. The leap is worth taking. I go back to my time at college and the team building trust fall we did. I turn around. Put my hands across my chest………..and fall. I let go of my control, and trust those who love me. Those who care for me. The one who is perfect that lives in my heart, knowing that I will be safe. Then after taking that fall; that leap, I will be better able to catch someone else when they are learning the same lessons. I can’t wait to get to that point.

Sunsets and Lighthouses

Today I had a wonderful day in Newport. It started off with me getting up and wanting to get off the ship as quickly as possible. I had a lot on my mind and was ready to get some fresh air and walk around a bit. So, I held off on breakfast and made my way to the gangway right after a quick cup of coffee of course. I get there and end up waiting, and waiting, and waiting. In reality it wasn’t really that long, I was just being impatient. Finally I got on the tender boat and waiting more as we made our way to shore. Finally we made it and my friends and I headed for our favorite restaurant. We get there and it is closed…..now what. My already impatient mind is getting a bit frazzled. So, we walk a bit and every where we turn the restaurants are closed and only open for dinner. Finally we find a nice place and enjoy a great meal. During our time off the ship it is always important to use the electronic devices that you normally can’t. Especially if you have business to attend to. I have a huge pet peeve about talking on the phone around other people especially at a restaurant or in a car. My 2 friends I was with were both on their phones talking on and off during out time at the restaurant. It really wasn’t a big deal but I found myself getting more frustrated due to the already annoying events of the morning. They finished their business and we had a great meal and enjoying some laughter and lobster. After our meal and bit of shopping we stopped by Starbucks for wifi. I talked to my love and got a reminder of how blessed I am. How many things I have to be happy about. After talking there for a bit I went off on my own and walked around the town and took a look at some of the historical buildings. I found a colonial church with a beautiful lawn and garden next to it. I found a nice shaded spot and laid down in the grass. I looked up at the trees and watched the breeze move the branches and leaves from side to side. I ran my hands across the cool grass and took some deep breaths. I talked to my heavenly father and was reminded by his beautiful creation that I am loved. That there is a plan for my life, and that I don’t have to worry so much. I don’t have to take on the cares of the world. I don’t have to try and fix everything. It isn’t my job. After relaxing there a bit I went back to the ship and decided to motivate myself for the gym. I came back to my room changed and had a delicious meal while watching the sunset outside on the top deck. I was kicking myself because I didn’t have my camera or my phone and the view was literally breather taking. A gorgeous sunset reflecting off the water as sail boats glided there way to whatever destination they were heading. A beautiful house that was nestled on the top of a rock right in the middle of the water. Cliffs that jutted out and waves crashing on them. A light house at the very edge of the shore line. Perched on a cliff with it’s light shining brightly into the oncoming night. It was a wonderful evening that I will not soon forget. After today I read though some of my blogs and thought about who I am and what I strive to be. What are my goals. My love challenged me to make a list of all the things that make me happy. As much as I worry, and as much as I stress, and as much as I miss my love and my friends, I am content. I am happy. Do I have ambitions and desires that I am hoping will pan out, yes, but for now…today…I am choosing to let myself be happy. To wrap myself up in the joy that is in my life and is in my heart and exhale everything else. Tonight, I will sleep well. Good night.

Nueva York

So, I never have considered myself the kind of guy that would settle down in a city. I was raised in a smaller town where you really did know pretty much everyone. I grew up where I can hop in my car and drive, I can go for a hike, I can find a farmers market and enjoy fresh produce grown literally a mile or so away from my home. Yesterday in New York I got to see a glimpse of the small town that it really is. It was a beautiful day and I got some fresh perspective that was rather refreshing.
I got off the ship and went to breakfast with my friend Erika. I had some amazing French toast (surprise) along with some delicious eggs and real bacon(as opposed to the frozen nasty stuff on the ship). It felt like a breakfast that my Mom would make growing up and it took me back to waking up before school and coming down for a hearty breakfast as my mom bustled around trying to make sure we had everything together for our day. After that I took a walk and ran some errands. I went up 5th Avenue and up to Central Park. Normally walking around on my own in the city makes me a feel a bit lonely, but yesterday I found myself being more observant and opening my eyes to what was going on.
I saw an older couple walking around in the Park. She had her knit cardigan on, and he had his high waisted pants and loafers. The stereotypical older couple. Hand in hand he guided her and pointed out various types of flowers and plants. Just made me smile. Have they lived in New York their whole lives? Is this something that they use to do when they were dating or first married? Little things that I don’t normally think of when I imagine living in NYC. Having an easy day just relaxing in the park with your special someone.
Later on in the day I made my way to Starbucks and took advantage of the free wifi. While I was on there my old friend Joanna messaged me and said that she was in New York as well and asked me where I was at. I told her, and in 10 minutes she was sitting with me and we were catching up on the past 2 years that we hadn’t seen each other. Small world. Small town. What are the odds of meeting someone from England that I hadn’t seen in that long , who just happened to be in the same city and literally a block away from me. Big City, but moments like that give me a glimpse of how small it really is.
After meeting up with Jo, she and I went for a bit of a walk. It was about the time that most of the schools were getting out. School busses lined the side street by one of the schools and mothers were waiting outside for the little ones. I passed a couple little boys who were playing tag on the side walk and a group of little girls who were looking at some kid’s magazines. Probably all about Twilight, I didn’t check. Lol. For me this was a bizarre sight. These are things that I did after school when I was waiting for my mom. Things I did in my small town. To see these kids doing those same things in a City that, when I was there age, didn’t even know existed outside of movies, was so refreshing to me. It gave warmth to a city that can be rather cold. It slowed down the fast paced life that I normally experience there and reminded me that a life really could be lived there, and there really would be people around that would care about me and I could relate to and fellowship with. We continued to walk and I saw a little kid in front of a hotdog stand dancing and the couple running the stand were dancing with her. I saw tenderness that I don’t normally associate with that city.
Seeing these things and experiencing that softer side of the city opened my eyes even more to the prospect of living there. Having a family there and building a life. I don’t if I could live there forever, but I think I could give it a go. The city of opportunity is no longer limited in my head to job opportunities, but opportunities to have a life, have friends, have a family, be happy. It isn’t as scary anymore. For that, I am thankful.