So, it seems that the recent theme in my life is compromise. When out with friends the questions arise, Where should we eat? What shop do you want to go in? How long do you want to spend here? Who do you want to spend time with? How much time do you want to spend with them? In relationships its, What time is best to talk? What do you need? Can you do this? Can I do that? How does this make you feel? Etc. Etc. Compromise. The give and the take. The yen and yang of anything. Two opposite sides coming together to make a balance. My question that was so well put by my friend Carrie Bradshaw is, When does compromising become…..well, compromising?
When do you reach your limit? When is the pressure to change and adjust so much that you decide to pull your hair out and join the rest of the Vontrapp family as they run away across the Austrian Alps? I think in any friendship or relationship it is sometimes hard to see the other side. To see the changes made in the other persons life to cater to your needs more. I think sometimes, at least for me, I see all that I am changing and all that I am trying to do to make the people in my life happy, that I get frustrated when I don’t see the same change or accommodation on their end. If only my eyes could be opened wide to what others do for me. I wouldn’t be such a selfish jerk sometimes. I would appreciate people more, and on the flip side realize that limit. The moment when you see that you are alone in it, and nothing you can do will change it.
I am a very passionate person. When I commit to something or someone, I am in it. I will do anything to make sure that the task is finished or the relationship/ friendship will work. In some ways this is a great trait to have. In others it is awful. It is one of those things that I mentioned in a previous blog about creating your own suffering. I allow myself to get so caught up in pleasing everyone or working myself to death to have a good product that I end up stressed out and overwhelmed. I carry a weight that I shouldn’t be carrying. The scary thing is that I will carry it until I eventually break down and all that I was carrying is scattered on the floor and I am left with nothing. All for the sake of compromise. If that is compromise then why is it so heavy? Why does it hurt so much? Why does it leave me feeling alone? Is it because I am allowing myself to feel that way?
I just finished a chapter in my Bible study about how we are to respond to difficult circumstances. What do you do when faced with hard things like compromises we don’t really want to make? The first step according to this book is to check your attitude. What is the core feeling that you are having and the attitude behind it? Is this weight simply out of insecurity or is it a valid frustration or concern? The thing with all compromise is that you have to not only deal with adjusting with that compromise, you have to deal with her ugly sister patience. What a wonderful and awful virtue to learn and practice. Patience that God has a plan. Patience that things will get better. Patience that you will be ok. Patience that people can change.
Right now it is 2:30 AM and I am sitting awake because I am trying to be patient. I am trying to compromise and realize that it is healthy and will make things happier in the long run. Weather that be compromising and doing added shows or events that I don’t feel like doing on the ship, or relationship compromises about how much we talk and what is acceptable and not in that relationship. Why can’t this be easier for my head and my heart to process? How do you let go? I think it all goes back to trust. I have found when learning a lesson you are not just picking up one character trait, you are being faced with many. Compromise, Patience, Trust. All of these are big things to learn , and things that we all face at various points in our lives. Right now for me I am trying to trust that the Lord has a plan for me. A perfect plan, and that he will provide exactly what I need, when I need it. I am learning Patience in doing things in many many areas of my life that I don’t feel comfortable with. That leads to the Compromise part of it. Adjusting and learning and growing being ok with change and going back to trusting that it will work out according to God’s plan.
I think when we were younger we were naive to the fact that we were learning these things. The older we got the more control we wanted to have and thus these lessons became harder to learn and harder to face. Our childlike faith and trust got tainted and jaded by the world. So, how do you get that back. How do we learn to trust and let go when we have been let down so many times? How do we learn to be truly patient when that patience has ended in hurt? How do we let go of our pride and compromise when we have done that in the past and been stabbed in the back because of it?
There is no other answer that I know of but to just do it. To take that leap and know, in your heart, that things will truly be ok. On my end of things right now, I know I am truly blessed. I have a great job that I enjoy. I have the best friends in all the world. I have a wonderful love that is supportive and caring and is there for me. I have a God who never never never will leave me. If I truly accept these blessing in my life. If I truly allow myself to take the wonderful gifts that I have been given in friends, love, heavenly father, and family. The leap is worth taking. I go back to my time at college and the team building trust fall we did. I turn around. Put my hands across my chest………..and fall. I let go of my control, and trust those who love me. Those who care for me. The one who is perfect that lives in my heart, knowing that I will be safe. Then after taking that fall; that leap, I will be better able to catch someone else when they are learning the same lessons. I can’t wait to get to that point.
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