Alone, but not Lonely

Today was a good day. A day that was much needed for my heart and my head. I spent the majority of my day completely by myself. I explored, I took an adventure, I tasted great food, and I barely touched my phone. This may not seem like a big deal, but to me, being alone can be one of the hardest things ever.
I woke up this morning and hit the snooze button about 3 times not wanting to start my day. After the third and final time I pressed the button, I sat up in bed and said to myself. ‘Today is the day you go at it alone. You reclaim some independence and free yourself from codependency.’ A pretty lofty statement for that early in the morning but I needed a kick in the pants and a change of attitude.
I gathered my things together. Put on my warmest jacket and headed out into Quebec City. It was a chilly morning. I stepped outside at about 9:00AM and could see my breath. There was a line of old people waiting for the shuttle from the port into the city. I stood there for a moment and then decided I could use a nice walk and made my way on foot. I didn’t really know where I was going, all I knew is that my final destination was on the other side of some water and at the top of a hill where the fortress in Quebec City stands overlooking everything. So, I walked. I thought about what I needed to do today, I prayed, I thought about how much I missed my love, and just as I started to feel sorry for myself I saw it. A quaint little café at the very very bottom of the hill underneath the fortress. The smell alone was enough to beckon people passing by to come in. It was the most picturesque little French style café and I decided it would be my first stop on my alone day. I went inside, grabbed a coffee and a pastry and sat at a table by myself. I didn’t pull out my computer to get connected to the world. I didn’t pull out my phone and call/text people who I wanted to talk to. I just sat there. I enjoyed my coffee and croissant. I watched the people walking on the brick streets out side. I took in the sights and sounds as other shops were beginning to open and the streets were becoming more filled with people going to their various destinations. I sat there, alone, and enjoyed it.
After that I continued my walk up toward the fortress. I stopped to take pictures of various statues and building that I thought were nice. I listened in on some of the tour groups that were stopped by historical buildings. Then I grabbed a couple birthday cards, one for my brother and the other for my love, and headed to a nearby park to fill them out. After finishing that up I took them to the post office where I met a very sweet old lady who was literally half my size. She reminded me of my Grandma DeLaPorte. She decided that I seemed safe enough and started to talk to me. The only problem was that she only spoke French. I expressed to her the best way I knew how that I couldn’t really understand her, but she kept talking, but added more hand motions which helped me understand her more. It reminded me of college and going into Lisbon, Portugal or Cameroon, Africa and communicating with people without really saying anything. To enjoy a conversation or interaction without even saying a word is really a cool experience. I finished sending off my packages and said goodbye to my knew friend. She flashed me a huge smile and I left with one of my own as I headed to explore some more.
I finally got to the fortress and walked along the edge that overlooks the city. The trees have started changing and I took in the yellows, reds, and oranges that lit them up so vibrantly. The sun was out more and burned off some of the overcast. Like a curtain being pulled back and the show of this beautiful day was about to start. I had walked to the end of the path and just sat there and let the sun warm me up a bit. I was getting a little hungry again so I grabbed a quick snack and then went to another park by the Government building in the center of the city. I sat there and read a book for about an hour while sparrows were bouncing around me trying to find little bits of food. I hummed “His Eye Is On the Sparrow” to myself and laughed a little at how fun it is when you open your eyes to when God is talking to you. As my last blog stated I am a little overwhelmed with some worries and fears that I have. I am in the process of learning to let go and communicate with God more about these worries and fears. Seeing these sparrows and recalling that song was just a bit of comfort for my heart. A little pat on the back from my Heavenly Father reminding me that I would be ok. I love physical touch, so even the thought within that though is a comfort to me. I think sometimes I don’t take advantage of the quite moments anymore. I run away from them because they make me lonely. Today, I remember how sweet those moments really are and wondered why I had let them slip away.
The rest of my day included a few more shops. I ran into some friends from my ship and talked with them for a bit and then made my way back to my home away from home. Reflecting on this day I can’t even express how wonderful it was for me. I think you could ask most people that I grew up with or went to college with and they would tell you that I am a really independent person. I use to enjoy going where I wanted to go, when I wanted to go there. Where my stubbornness has not left me for getting what I want, I think some of my independence I have allowed to be let go. I allowed my friendships to define me more and I started to rely on them more for my significance rather than knowing who I really am and who I am suppose to be. I got too caught up in the people pleasing and it became a drug to where if I was not around people getting that affirmation or acceptance I was a mess. I think this ship is kind of like rehab for me. I don’t have all my close friends here. I don’t have my love here. I have a couple great friends to give me a bit of human support and then I have my Lord. I have time with myself, and with that alone time I have the opportunity to become more ok with this amazing man that I am. That might sound conceded, but I assure you, it is a statement made out of totally humility.
Today I spent the whole day alone. Walked the streets alone. I ate alone. I read alone. I took pictures alone. I maybe spoke 50 words the first half of my day. I was alone, but for the first time in a long time, I felt ok with it.

Patience, Trust, and Compromise

So, it seems that the recent theme in my life is compromise. When out with friends the questions arise, Where should we eat? What shop do you want to go in? How long do you want to spend here? Who do you want to spend time with? How much time do you want to spend with them? In relationships its, What time is best to talk? What do you need? Can you do this? Can I do that? How does this make you feel? Etc. Etc. Compromise. The give and the take. The yen and yang of anything. Two opposite sides coming together to make a balance. My question that was so well put by my friend Carrie Bradshaw is, When does compromising become…..well, compromising?
When do you reach your limit? When is the pressure to change and adjust so much that you decide to pull your hair out and join the rest of the Vontrapp family as they run away across the Austrian Alps? I think in any friendship or relationship it is sometimes hard to see the other side. To see the changes made in the other persons life to cater to your needs more. I think sometimes, at least for me, I see all that I am changing and all that I am trying to do to make the people in my life happy, that I get frustrated when I don’t see the same change or accommodation on their end. If only my eyes could be opened wide to what others do for me. I wouldn’t be such a selfish jerk sometimes. I would appreciate people more, and on the flip side realize that limit. The moment when you see that you are alone in it, and nothing you can do will change it.
I am a very passionate person. When I commit to something or someone, I am in it. I will do anything to make sure that the task is finished or the relationship/ friendship will work. In some ways this is a great trait to have. In others it is awful. It is one of those things that I mentioned in a previous blog about creating your own suffering. I allow myself to get so caught up in pleasing everyone or working myself to death to have a good product that I end up stressed out and overwhelmed. I carry a weight that I shouldn’t be carrying. The scary thing is that I will carry it until I eventually break down and all that I was carrying is scattered on the floor and I am left with nothing. All for the sake of compromise. If that is compromise then why is it so heavy? Why does it hurt so much? Why does it leave me feeling alone? Is it because I am allowing myself to feel that way?
I just finished a chapter in my Bible study about how we are to respond to difficult circumstances. What do you do when faced with hard things like compromises we don’t really want to make? The first step according to this book is to check your attitude. What is the core feeling that you are having and the attitude behind it? Is this weight simply out of insecurity or is it a valid frustration or concern? The thing with all compromise is that you have to not only deal with adjusting with that compromise, you have to deal with her ugly sister patience. What a wonderful and awful virtue to learn and practice. Patience that God has a plan. Patience that things will get better. Patience that you will be ok. Patience that people can change.
Right now it is 2:30 AM and I am sitting awake because I am trying to be patient. I am trying to compromise and realize that it is healthy and will make things happier in the long run. Weather that be compromising and doing added shows or events that I don’t feel like doing on the ship, or relationship compromises about how much we talk and what is acceptable and not in that relationship. Why can’t this be easier for my head and my heart to process? How do you let go? I think it all goes back to trust. I have found when learning a lesson you are not just picking up one character trait, you are being faced with many. Compromise, Patience, Trust. All of these are big things to learn , and things that we all face at various points in our lives. Right now for me I am trying to trust that the Lord has a plan for me. A perfect plan, and that he will provide exactly what I need, when I need it. I am learning Patience in doing things in many many areas of my life that I don’t feel comfortable with. That leads to the Compromise part of it. Adjusting and learning and growing being ok with change and going back to trusting that it will work out according to God’s plan.
I think when we were younger we were naive to the fact that we were learning these things. The older we got the more control we wanted to have and thus these lessons became harder to learn and harder to face. Our childlike faith and trust got tainted and jaded by the world. So, how do you get that back. How do we learn to trust and let go when we have been let down so many times? How do we learn to be truly patient when that patience has ended in hurt? How do we let go of our pride and compromise when we have done that in the past and been stabbed in the back because of it?
There is no other answer that I know of but to just do it. To take that leap and know, in your heart, that things will truly be ok. On my end of things right now, I know I am truly blessed. I have a great job that I enjoy. I have the best friends in all the world. I have a wonderful love that is supportive and caring and is there for me. I have a God who never never never will leave me. If I truly accept these blessing in my life. If I truly allow myself to take the wonderful gifts that I have been given in friends, love, heavenly father, and family. The leap is worth taking. I go back to my time at college and the team building trust fall we did. I turn around. Put my hands across my chest………..and fall. I let go of my control, and trust those who love me. Those who care for me. The one who is perfect that lives in my heart, knowing that I will be safe. Then after taking that fall; that leap, I will be better able to catch someone else when they are learning the same lessons. I can’t wait to get to that point.

Sunsets and Lighthouses

Today I had a wonderful day in Newport. It started off with me getting up and wanting to get off the ship as quickly as possible. I had a lot on my mind and was ready to get some fresh air and walk around a bit. So, I held off on breakfast and made my way to the gangway right after a quick cup of coffee of course. I get there and end up waiting, and waiting, and waiting. In reality it wasn’t really that long, I was just being impatient. Finally I got on the tender boat and waiting more as we made our way to shore. Finally we made it and my friends and I headed for our favorite restaurant. We get there and it is closed…..now what. My already impatient mind is getting a bit frazzled. So, we walk a bit and every where we turn the restaurants are closed and only open for dinner. Finally we find a nice place and enjoy a great meal. During our time off the ship it is always important to use the electronic devices that you normally can’t. Especially if you have business to attend to. I have a huge pet peeve about talking on the phone around other people especially at a restaurant or in a car. My 2 friends I was with were both on their phones talking on and off during out time at the restaurant. It really wasn’t a big deal but I found myself getting more frustrated due to the already annoying events of the morning. They finished their business and we had a great meal and enjoying some laughter and lobster. After our meal and bit of shopping we stopped by Starbucks for wifi. I talked to my love and got a reminder of how blessed I am. How many things I have to be happy about. After talking there for a bit I went off on my own and walked around the town and took a look at some of the historical buildings. I found a colonial church with a beautiful lawn and garden next to it. I found a nice shaded spot and laid down in the grass. I looked up at the trees and watched the breeze move the branches and leaves from side to side. I ran my hands across the cool grass and took some deep breaths. I talked to my heavenly father and was reminded by his beautiful creation that I am loved. That there is a plan for my life, and that I don’t have to worry so much. I don’t have to take on the cares of the world. I don’t have to try and fix everything. It isn’t my job. After relaxing there a bit I went back to the ship and decided to motivate myself for the gym. I came back to my room changed and had a delicious meal while watching the sunset outside on the top deck. I was kicking myself because I didn’t have my camera or my phone and the view was literally breather taking. A gorgeous sunset reflecting off the water as sail boats glided there way to whatever destination they were heading. A beautiful house that was nestled on the top of a rock right in the middle of the water. Cliffs that jutted out and waves crashing on them. A light house at the very edge of the shore line. Perched on a cliff with it’s light shining brightly into the oncoming night. It was a wonderful evening that I will not soon forget. After today I read though some of my blogs and thought about who I am and what I strive to be. What are my goals. My love challenged me to make a list of all the things that make me happy. As much as I worry, and as much as I stress, and as much as I miss my love and my friends, I am content. I am happy. Do I have ambitions and desires that I am hoping will pan out, yes, but for now…today…I am choosing to let myself be happy. To wrap myself up in the joy that is in my life and is in my heart and exhale everything else. Tonight, I will sleep well. Good night.

Nueva York

So, I never have considered myself the kind of guy that would settle down in a city. I was raised in a smaller town where you really did know pretty much everyone. I grew up where I can hop in my car and drive, I can go for a hike, I can find a farmers market and enjoy fresh produce grown literally a mile or so away from my home. Yesterday in New York I got to see a glimpse of the small town that it really is. It was a beautiful day and I got some fresh perspective that was rather refreshing.
I got off the ship and went to breakfast with my friend Erika. I had some amazing French toast (surprise) along with some delicious eggs and real bacon(as opposed to the frozen nasty stuff on the ship). It felt like a breakfast that my Mom would make growing up and it took me back to waking up before school and coming down for a hearty breakfast as my mom bustled around trying to make sure we had everything together for our day. After that I took a walk and ran some errands. I went up 5th Avenue and up to Central Park. Normally walking around on my own in the city makes me a feel a bit lonely, but yesterday I found myself being more observant and opening my eyes to what was going on.
I saw an older couple walking around in the Park. She had her knit cardigan on, and he had his high waisted pants and loafers. The stereotypical older couple. Hand in hand he guided her and pointed out various types of flowers and plants. Just made me smile. Have they lived in New York their whole lives? Is this something that they use to do when they were dating or first married? Little things that I don’t normally think of when I imagine living in NYC. Having an easy day just relaxing in the park with your special someone.
Later on in the day I made my way to Starbucks and took advantage of the free wifi. While I was on there my old friend Joanna messaged me and said that she was in New York as well and asked me where I was at. I told her, and in 10 minutes she was sitting with me and we were catching up on the past 2 years that we hadn’t seen each other. Small world. Small town. What are the odds of meeting someone from England that I hadn’t seen in that long , who just happened to be in the same city and literally a block away from me. Big City, but moments like that give me a glimpse of how small it really is.
After meeting up with Jo, she and I went for a bit of a walk. It was about the time that most of the schools were getting out. School busses lined the side street by one of the schools and mothers were waiting outside for the little ones. I passed a couple little boys who were playing tag on the side walk and a group of little girls who were looking at some kid’s magazines. Probably all about Twilight, I didn’t check. Lol. For me this was a bizarre sight. These are things that I did after school when I was waiting for my mom. Things I did in my small town. To see these kids doing those same things in a City that, when I was there age, didn’t even know existed outside of movies, was so refreshing to me. It gave warmth to a city that can be rather cold. It slowed down the fast paced life that I normally experience there and reminded me that a life really could be lived there, and there really would be people around that would care about me and I could relate to and fellowship with. We continued to walk and I saw a little kid in front of a hotdog stand dancing and the couple running the stand were dancing with her. I saw tenderness that I don’t normally associate with that city.
Seeing these things and experiencing that softer side of the city opened my eyes even more to the prospect of living there. Having a family there and building a life. I don’t if I could live there forever, but I think I could give it a go. The city of opportunity is no longer limited in my head to job opportunities, but opportunities to have a life, have friends, have a family, be happy. It isn’t as scary anymore. For that, I am thankful.

I Want to Break Free!

Disconnect. I think that sometimes I get so caught up in making it work that I make my life and my relationships harder. I stress myself out trying to be available and communicative. I overwhelm my mind trying to figure out what is the best and most healthy thing for me and my emotional state while, in many ways, being cut off from the world. I just don’t really know how to balance it all. I know that life is a journey; a process, but is that process always stress related or is that something that I am adding onto myself. Do we create our own suffering more or is that something that is part of the plan. Is my stress and frustration over even the smallest of things designed to bring out something better in me? I think so. As hard as it is for me to process through that thought, I think in the long run all this stress and frustration is designed to make me stronger, make me more confidante, make me a better person.
I feel like this is kind of repeating myself from previous blogs but I find that I have to remind myself that I am growing. I wish sometimes that I could step outside of myself and watch my life for a moment and see how I am doing from an outside standpoint. What choices am I making that are building me up and what choices are tearing me down? Am I truly being healthy emotionally or am I allowing myself to get caught up in the negative? Am I being burdened and weighing myself down by worry and frustration over things that I can’t control?
So, that being said, how do you start to make healthier choices? How do you let go? I love things that are comfortable and easy. Who doesn’t? If change and adjusting is a part of everyday life, even more in my profession, how do you start to become more ok with it? I find, for me, that I have to consciously take some time and make myself process though things that are weighing on my heart. I have to unpack the boxes that are building up in my mind and sort out the junk from the treasures. Even in that process I have to force myself to look at the treasures while the junk pile gets bigger and bigger. I have to keep my eyes on the good as I throw the trash in a jumbo glad trash bag, and throw it out of my mind.
I think this is also a reminder of how we as Christians should live out life. There is so much junk around that brings us down and contaminates our hearts. It is so easy to let that pile that is in the world overwhelm the good that is shining brightly through it all. I think the majority of the depression I have faced in my life has been due to the lack of being aware of the good. Being conscious of the uplifting things around me. Taking advantage of the good and edifying times I have with friends and holding those times close rather than enjoying them when they happen and then forgetting about them.
I have a wonderful love in my life who validates me and shows me love so well. I have friends who are there for me no matter what and who always uplift and encourage. I have people who don’t even know me that compliment me and uplift my spirit. I have a God who says he will never leave me. I have all these amazing and wonderful blessings and I appreciate them and their love for such a brief time before I allow myself to be sucked back into my own worry. My own insecurity. Wake up Curtis Lee Wilson, you are surrounded by love and security. Embrace it.
A special note to my love. I am so sorry that I take you for granted. You are wonderful and a true blessing. Thanks for your never ending patience. You have my heart!

There's a Change in the Air

There are a lot of things going on here. So many new challenges and hurdles that need to be jumped and then hopefully we can have “smooth sailing” for the rest of the contract. We just acquired a new singer that is being installed into the show along with a new adage couple. Being the vocal captain on the ship I have been busy running some rehearsals and helping teach our new guy the music. He is a quick study though so I am not worries. We have moved around some songs in order to make the show work better so I have like 4 new songs that I am singing so it is like I am in a new show as well. Kind of exciting and kind of scary all at the same time. What an experience though in being flexible and working though difficult/stressful circumstances. We open our who for the 2nd time now in 2 days. Fingers crossed everything will go smoothly without any pitfalls.
On a more pleasant note we are now on the New England run and I am LOVING it! The air is changing to this clean, cool, crisp air that just slightly nips your nose when you go outside. Our first port that we go to is Newport, Rhode Island and it is probably one of the quaintest little towns I have ever been to. It reminds me a lot of going to Vermont and visiting my Aunt and Uncle John and Mary. Going and eating at great restaurants and enjoying just a more laid back atmosphere. The town has a lot of historical buildings and sights to see. It also has a ton of sailboats that are so beautiful and ornate. I am a huge fan of sailboats. They are just so elegant as they glide across the water. The sails shifting with the wind driving the boat from one direction to the next. Really beautiful. I got off the ship and took the tender boat to the dock and got off into the town. After that I walked through part of the town taking in the sights and smells of restaurants with all their windows open because the temperature is just perfect. Some friends and I found a really great restaurant serving brunch and took advantage of it. We had an amazing meal with great conversation and laughter. After that I ventured out on my own a little in my search to find free wifi. Brick streets bordered by little shops with various different wares to sell. A little white church sits at the center of town surrounded by a beautiful lawn that was beckoning you to come and lay down or pull our your frisbee and have some fun. I fought the urge to take off my shoes and walk through the lawn and made my way to the famous free wifi spot….Starbucks. Even the Starbucks here was beautiful. It had a loft on top with really comfy chairs that I made my home as I did my bible study with my love via Skype. What a wonderful day. I didn’t want to leave that town at all and I am really looking forward to next week when we go back. This time I am going to really do some exploring. Also, the next time we are there the town will be hosting the Annual Sailboat races. Should be good for some nice pictures and entertainment.
The rest of this cruise we are making our way from Halifax, NS to Sydney, NS and finishing out our time in Quebec City. We will be in rehearsals for all but Quebec City so I will be running off the ship as quickly as possible. At that point I think I will be on the verge of cabin fever.
Tonight I had a great dinner with my friend Erika and then took a walk on my own around the Promenade deck There was on one else out there so I took my time as I circled the ship. Watching the end of a beautiful sunset and thinking about how much I miss my love. There is something about looking out over the seemingly endless ocean that makes you feel so small. It is a peaceful feeling and a lonely feeling all at the same time. Really hard for me to describe. In any case, I found a deck chair and sat for a bit. Let out some tears, and rested for a moment there as I chatted with the Lord about my heart. Living in a bubble here on the ship has been hard for me because of the disconnect. I love being able to call my friend and see how they are or vent if something is going on with me. I think this is so good for me in many many ways, but hard because I feel so alone because of that disconnect. It is good because it reminds me that the person I need to be going to more is my Lord. Challenges, learning experience, growing pains, these are themes of this New Adventure I am on. Just when things start to get comfortable here comes something else. I do rejoice in that because it means that I am indeed growing and it will make me a stronger man because of it, doesn’t make it any easier though.
So, to my loved ones and friends, keep me in your prayers for patience and a strong heart. I love you.

The Hill Are Alive, With The Sound Of Music

What is it about music the “soothes the savage heart”? From the lyrics to the changing of chords. Harmonies and notes that soar into the stratosphere. Instrumentals that make tears well up in your eyes to rhythms that get to on your feat and dancing. Hearing the smooth sounds of jazz to the edgy hits of rock. Music really is the universal language. No matter who you are or where you are from there is music everywhere. It has the ability to ignite wars but also bring unity to people.
Ipods are everywhere now. You can’t walk down a street, hop on a subway, go to a gym, and not see them in the ears of their eager listeners. Each one welcoming sounds of their choice in order to help cheer them up, or calm them down, or motivate them, or just express what they are feeling right then and there. Music, is the life blood of most people, even in the smallest of ways. Wind blowing through trees. The sound of a river flowing over rocks, thunder crashing during a storm, or the sound of ocean waves. All of these and more are music. Sweet music that God provided for every single person to enjoy. The Master musician has allowed most people the amazing gift to appreciate these sounds and take something from them. A blessing unique to each person who hears them.
I LOVE MUSIC! I love the way it makes me feel. I love it when a song grabs my heart and takes it for a journey. I love when I connect with lyrics and emote with the singer as they pour their own heart out so that I can experience it. I love it when the lyrics of my own heart match up with a song that I am listening to. I love it when a song lifts me up. I love it when a song allows me to cry and release any fear or stress or worry that I might be carrying. I love that God allowed me the blessing and honor to hear and be able to experience music. Not only just to listen to it, but be able to make it myself!
When I feel low I can always go to a piano somewhere and play what I am feeling. I can make up a song and just go with it. It doesn’t have to flow perfectly because it is my song and for me alone. I can use my voice and belt out my feelings. I can pour my heart out with just a simple melody to someone I love. I have freedom.
Today, I started listening to a new album that I downloaded and it touched my heart. It sparked inside of me and allowed me to relate and release emotions and worries that I was holding. Thank you Lord for Music and the gift that it is to me. I challenge everyone out there to open your ears and listen to the music around you. Listen to the words, open your heart up to a song and allow it to flow through. The Lord works in amazing ways and through unexpected things. Enjoy it.

Community

Community is a very valuable thing that I think I have taken for granted. To be surrounded by people with a shared mindset. Where you encourage one another and challenge one another in truth and love. Being on a ship this has been a bit of a challenge. I have some great friends on the ship. I am so thankful for my friend Erika and the encouragement she has been to me. It has really been a blessing. I still miss having a church family though. Being a part of a small group. Sharing our relationship with the Lord with one another. I miss it. We as humans ,and especially as Christians, are designed for community. We are made for being with other believers and designed to encourage one another. I think before I was on the ship I took for granted the people I had in my life that I could always talk to about anything. Those people who loved me no matter what, but would always encourage me and challenge my thoughts to if nothing else help me understand and realize why I believe what I believe. I miss being able to share my struggles with a brother and him come along side me and say, “the Lord has you in his arms, he is in control, just let go”. I have those friends still that I call and chat with about this. The distance is hard though. They aren’t here with me, so it makes things difficult. Tonight, I had a great talk with my love about this and it was so nice to share my heart on the subject and cry and pray for one another. What a blessing my other half is. I am so thankful for having that as a part of my relationship. Having a foundation in our love for the Lord that brings us closer and allows us to have a stronger foundation in our relationship. On top of this, I have been just feeling kind of low lately. The hard thing about a ship is that you can end up spending most of your time in your cabin doing nothing. For me it is hard because I start to worry and over think things. Then I get in a funk and start feeling the effects of a bit of depression. If I let myself spiral down I end up becoming more and more reclusive and that just leads to more stress and worry and a cycle that is hard to break. So, I am starting to make a list of things I am going to do every day. ( this is something my love does that I am going to try out) In order for me to be more productive and active during my free time, I am going to start adding some hobbies and physical activities to fill my days more. I am going to start learning more about photography and painting. Those are 2 things that are fairly cheep that I enjoy doing. I can paint in my cabin and when I get off at ports I can take pictures and really experiment with different types of pictures and angles. Should be fun! On top of that I am going to talk with my 2 friends from the Miracle and a couple other fellow believers and see if they would be interest in doing a small bible study once a week. I think a combination of all these things and continued quality communication with my love and close friends will really help me lead a more healthy and happy life here on the ship. So, here’s to a new resolution for me life here and now. Thank you to all of those people in my life who are constant encouragements to me and share my joys and my burdens. You are dearly loved and appreciated. To my other half, thank you for being so great and so kind and so good. You uplift my heart with every conversation we have. I Love You.

What a Day for a Daydream

Today was an incredible day! After about 2 months I got to see my love for 6 hours in NYC. I had a “dentist appointment” in the morning which allowed me to get off the ship first. I was allowed off the ship at about 8:20ish and made my way to meet me love. It was so great! After not being there in person for awhile it was one of the most surreal feelings I have had. My internal thought when I first got there was “is this real? What are you doing here?” I was smiling and so overwhelmingly excited that tears were coming to my eyes, but for some reason my brain could not put together for the first few seconds that I was back embracing my other half and it was really happening. Really funny, but really weird feeling.
Anyway, we went to a little diner that we thought would be good and I got French toast which I normally love. When it came out to the table it was glowing orange, and after one bite I decided that radiation was not good for me that early in the morning. It tasted awful and so I snagged a couple pieces of bacon and a bite of hash browns from my loves plate and we were headed out. We walked around the city for a bit and I picked up some things I needed for the ship. Then it was time to go back to the ship for the grand tour I was going to give.
We made it back and were going to the first checkpoint and after all the paperwork and such that we put in and approved the name I needed was not on the list. I called my friend Erika and she worked it all out. THANK YOU SO MUCH FRIEND! So, I took my love around the ship and showed all the fun cool things there is to do here. We had lunch with our friend Pieter who is the doctor on the ship and also had a nice cup of coffee and good conversation. After walking a bit more and seeing more things it was time for us to say goodbye again.
Time can go by so quickly. I relished every minute I had. It was such a highlight to my time here and such a boost to last me through these last couple months of my contract. We walked back off the ship and I went a block and needed to turn around to get back before we set sail again. We said our goodbyes and walked our separate ways. It was like that moment in Meet Joe Black where they look back at each other as they walk away, except I didn’t get hit by a car at the end of the street. J
As much as I hate goodbyes I feel so much stronger having been through this long distance stuff. I hated even the thought of it at first and I still don’t care for it, but the unknown is now known, and I know that we can handle anything. The fear is gone and that makes facing future challenges all the easier. I am proud of my relationship and blessed to be in it. Thank you my love for making me so happy.
We have one more week of the Bahamas and then we are off to New England and Canada. I must say I am super excited about that! Fall, I am ready for you to be here! Bring on the cool air and the changing leaves. That is all I have for now. Sorry, this was a bit of a sappy blog but it is part of my life, and I tend to live on the sappy side of things anyway. It’s what makes me me J Take care out there.

Stormy Seas!

Hurricane Earl now holds a special place in my heart. Most people hate hurricanes and think on them with terror or remorse. Not to in any way diminish from the seriousness of a tropical storm like that, but I have to say it provided a bit of excitement on our ship this past week. Two days at sea with 12 to 18 foot waves that rock the ship in ways I never thought it could. In the middle of the night you hear crashes against the side of the ship that might have sounded similar to what the passengers onboard the Titanic must have heard that fateful night. (I might be taking some liberties here.) Early on Thursday morning I was awoken by a loud banging on my door. I was startled and thought it was just another crash of a wave and quickly realized that a Indian accent was yelling through my door “SE CUR E TI!” I quickly throw on some clothes and grab the door. A very short man quickly yells at me to close my porthole. To which I respond “I beg your pardon.” Then he quickly screams in his wonderful accent that it is a safety hazard to have them open during the storm “A man died on the Perl because of a shattered porthole! Hurry!” So, I quickly oblige him and seal the port hole shut. Thus begins my 2 day imprisonment on the ship. There is something about having a window to the outside world that puts ones mind at ease in some strange way. Since that was taken away from me, I began to get the antsy feeling inside my chest. This is a situation that only trashy food and several movies and tv series can remedy. I embraced this terrible situation and wrapped myself up in my nice comforter and ordered several orders of Chicken fingers with chips and mini pizzas as I devoured almost my entire dvd collection and part of a season of 30 Rock. Don’t worry outside world. I made it through hurricane Earl with the help of carbs and Tina Fey. Thanks friendsJ In all seriousness I am very thankful for our captain and crew who are responsible for getting us through what could have been a bad situation. We made it back to NYC alive and in one piece and they even kept the many tourists onboard happy for the whole cruise despite several changes to their schedules.